Tales From Caduceus
by TCGeek
Summary: A collection of oneshots about the everyday happenings of the Caduceus staff, based on the Random Crack Pairing Generator. Chapter 19: Internet.
1. Hiccups

**So I think its safe to say, that I am a big fan of the random crack pairing generator. It provides me with hours and hours and HOURS of fun... sad as it is.**

After "Hide and Seek" I started this story as a way to break out of my more structured stories - I don't have a chapter story with changing themes, and so I decided, that I must make one. And here it is!

Every story will be a new chapter about the Caduceus crew and random events. I have the first nearly five planned out, but if you see one you think is hilarious, leave me a PM or something, and maybe it'll go in here! (keep in mind I don't write slash)

So, here is the first one... subject matter..? You'll see :)

Enjoy!

TC Characters (c) Atlus. 

* * *

Angie giggled as she took a sip of her water bottle. During long patient-less shifts, it was very common for her and Derek to converse while trying to catch up on paperwork. This particular afternoon, though her better judgment told her that it wasn't funny, Angie was laughing as Derek made fun of an old patient of theirs.

She raised her water bottle to her mouth and took a small shaky sip, just as Derek started to impersonate the women's high pitched annoying voice once more. Instead of spitting out her water like she wanted to, Angie choked it down laughing.

"Hey, I was drinking!"

"Exactly, that's why I did it!"

Derek and Angie traded a laugh as Angie coughed to try to get the pain of swallowing water the wrong way to subside. Suddenly, a small squeak escaped itself from Angie's lips, so cute and high-pitched that Derek couldn't help but laugh at her. She covered her mouth in surprise as her green eyes widened, watching Derek chuckle at her from his desk.

"Shut up!" she squeaked.

"What _WAS_ that?!" Derek asked, still laughing.

Angie sighed, rubbing her face silently as another squeak let itself loose – fueling Derek's laughter.

"I can't even remember the last time I had hiccups!" she said, giggling.

If there was anything that Angie knew about her experience with hiccups, it's that they wouldn't last very long.

Angie also learned that day, she didn't know her body as well as she thought.

----------

Four hours later, Angie was still hiccupping like crazy, much to every one of her coworker's dismay. Her short squeak of a hiccup had filled the air at Caduceus, pushing everyone to the point of annoyance… especially Victor, who seemingly hated everyone and everything to begin with.

Late in the afternoon, Angie walked back towards hers and Derek's office from her bathroom break, holding her sore chest as the hiccups continued. Trying to help her, Derek crouched behind the door and waited for her to come through, hoping to scare the hiccups out of her. Unfortunately…

"Derek, you're an awful hider…" she said, walking through the door and paying no attention to the disgruntled surgeon.

"Well then, fine. Come on.." he said, grabbing her by the arm as he pulled her down the hall and to the break room.

Victor's lab was just next to Caduceus's break room, which he tried to have changed every spare minute he had in the day. All day he had to listen to those bumbling idiots walk in and out of the room, conversing, laughing, joking, instead of being productive human beings like he was. He grumbled as he heard Angie walk with Derek into the room, her hiccups still coming in full force, just like they had been all day.

"If I can't move the lab, they should at _least_ soundproof the damn thing…" he grumbled, focusing on another experiment.

----------

Leslie, Tyler, Dr. Clarks, and Sidney were already in the break room discussing some things when Angie and Derek walked in, Angie's squeak of a hiccup accompanying their entrance.

"So I see no luck with the hiccups, eh?" Dr. Clarks said, smiling as he grabbed a cup of water from the sink.

"No!" she replied, flopping down on the couch as she started to whine. "My chest hurts too, this is getting ridiculous!"

"Okay, okay…" Dr. Clarks said, handing her the Styrofoam cup full of water. "Try this.."

He instructed her to stand up and stick her chin in the glass, bending over as she drank the water upside down.

"I guess I'll try anything once…" she said, standing up and bending over. In a few seconds she was done, and threw out the cup, smiling as she turned around. But before she could say "They're gone!", another hiccup forced itself loose. Everyone in the room collectively sighed, before Tyler stepped forward to have a go.

"Okay, this is ridiculous…" he said, throwing up his hands.

"Angie…" he started, crossing his arms and looking into her confused green eyes. "I will give you twenty bucks, if you can hiccup right now!"

Everyone turned their gaze to her as she stared back at Tyler, hands hung down by her sides.

"Right now!" he said, impatiently, beginning to push her. "I'm not going to wait around, do it right now, and you can have twenty bucks."

Her eyebrows raised, she began to realize that this was working – that trying to force her to do it was making it damn near impossible.

"Five, four, three…" he counted down.

Before he could reach two, Angie's squeaky hiccup struck once again.

Tyler's eyes bugged nearly out of his head as he stared at her, a weak smile forming on her lips. He reached angrily into his wallet and slapped a twenty into her outstretched hand, before stomping back over to Leslie who consoled him.

"Okay…" said Derek, rising to stand next to her. "Let's try this…"

----------

Still working on his experiment, Victor seethed internally as he listened to the staff try to cure Angie's annoying as hell hiccups. Each of them went around trying something, and every time, it failed, leaving her in the same position as when she started.

As soon as his solution in the test tube had stopped boiling, he turned off the Bunson Burner underneath it and waited a few seconds, listening to the idiots next door converse. With his heavy duty gloves on, Victor grabbed the test tube out of its holder and carried it over to his other lab bench to mix it with another solution which rested in a flask.

Suddenly, a smirk crept across his face as he heard quiet coming from the next room, followed by Tyler saying, "Finally! They're gone!". He was now less inclined to feel like murdering them all, because hopefully now they would all go back and do whatever it is that they do when they're not next door ruining his life.

Crouching down, Victor put himself eye level with his experiment, ready to take notes on the reaction. He carefully positioned the test tube over the flask and got ready to pour, when…

"DAMMIT!"

Angie's hiccups came back once more and she swore outwardly, leaving Victor to jump and his test tube to crash to the floor. It had taken an hour to prepare the sample, leaving him so furiously pissed off that he was ready to pummel all of them. Staring at the wasted sample on the floor, he ripped off his gloves and stormed towards the door of the lab.

----------

Angie kicked herself down from the handstand that she held, now standing a few feet from the back wall.

"It's hopeless!" she cried, hiccupping once more. Derek laughed at the hiccup again and she glowered at him, before all of them were surprised.

A loud bang resounded through the break room as Victor slammed the door open with his outstretched hand, unadulterated rage pulsing through his body. The six occupants in the room jumped slightly at his entrance, their expressions concerned as Victor's dark eyes scanned the room, eventually falling on Angie, who took a slight step back.

He paced forward angrily towards her, hands hung down by his sides, watching as the look on her face grew more and more nervous.

When he reached her, Victor grabbed her face with both of his hands and walked her backwards until her back hit the wall. Before she could do anything he pressed his lips firmly against hers, leaving her eyes to shoot open in surprise. The warmth of his body crept through her own as he held her there in that suspended position, bodies pressed together and shoved up against the back wall.

After a few seconds, he pulled back and dropped his hands from her face, the slightest hint of red on his cheeks as he looked at her bewildered expression. As Victor turned to look at everyone else, he noticed they were all silent – Derek, Tyler, and Dr. Clarks' mouths were wide open, Leslie was giggling, and Sidney was shaking his head back and forth, a hand over his mouth in surprise.

Victor glared at them all and then back at Angie, before he turned on his heel and stormed from the room.

Gently, Angie reached up and touched her lips with the tips of her fingers, gaze still focused on the door from which Victor had just left.

"What, was that?" Derek asked, breaking the silence as he walked over to Angie nervously. She picked her head up and turned towards him, everyone in the room silently waiting for her reaction.

"…They're gone." was all she could say as she stared at her doctor, his expression lightening.

And back in the lab, Victor laughed to himself as he enjoyed basking in the awkwardly created silence.

* * *

**So in case you haven't guessed yet, the people were Angie and Victor, and the subject was hiccups. I could honestly see Victor going to such lengths just to get a little peace and quiet!**

Okay, get ready for a very, uh... interesting, next chapter... haha. See you then! 


	2. Gift

**Okay, here's another little drabble I wrote.**

**TC Characters (c) Atlus  
Starbucks (c) Starbucks**

* * *

Derek Stiles drove with his fiancée back to his apartment late one Thursday night, holding her hand as he watched her nod off in the passenger's seat. 

Driving home with the radio on quietly, he thought about his life and smiled warmly, realizing that his wedding to Angie was a little less than a month away. Turning left at an intersection, he was broken from his thoughts as a buzzing noise was heard from his cup-holder, the front display on his black cell phone illuminated in the dark night. Holding the steering wheel with his knee so that he could grab his phone with his other hand, Derek smiled as he picked up the phone, but a look of confusion replaced his smile as he stared at the name "Ken" on the screen.

Turning off the radio, Derek quickly put on his Bluetooth headset and hit the "Accept" button, placing his phone in the cup-holder.

"Hello…?"

"_Hey, Derek – how's it going?"_

"Oh, great…!" he started, still slightly nervous. "Angie and I are on our way home from work right now… Er, well… I am, she's sleeping… heh. How are you?"

"_I'm fine, Derek..."_

"Is everything okay?"

"_Oh, yeah! Everything's fine, don't worry… I just needed to talk to you about something important..."_

Derek froze. "Sure, what's up?"

"_What time do you get off work tomorrow?_

"Uh, morning would probably be better for me, because we have late shift again tomorrow…"

"_Oh, okay… would you be able to meet me at the Starbucks on Fifth tomorrow at around 10 A.M.ish?"_

"10? Yeah, that sounds fine…"

Ken chuckled on the other line. _"Don't be nervous Derek, its nothing big – just with the wedding approaching and all, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about.. Oh, and also, don't let Angie come with you."_

Derek gulped silently, now more nervous than before. "Okay – I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"_Sounds great. See you then!"_

"Okay…bye."

----------

"He said that he wanted to discuss something with you before the wedding came…?" Angie asked sleepily, curled up in Derek's bed in one of his T-shirts.

"Yeah…" he said, sitting on the edge of the bed as he pulled off his socks and crawled under the covers himself. "I'm kind of nervous, I have no idea what he would want to talk to me about…"

Angie and Derek laid cuddled up with one another in the dark, both silently racking their brains. A small giggle broke the silence as Angie began to laugh out of control, burying her face into Derek's chest who just smiled, curious.

"What's so funny…" he asked, to which she just continued giggling.

A few moments later her laughs subsided, and she turned up her head to look at him, still resting on his chest.

"Maybe…" she said, beginning to giggle slightly. "…he wants to talk to you about sex?"

Derek's face immediately turned scarlet as Angie began to giggle hysterically once again.

"Oh… God…" he said, realizing that it seemed to fit in context. "I, hope… not.."

Angie settled down, wiping her eyes before she lovingly kissed Derek goodnight, drifting fast off to sleep in his arms.

----------

Early the next morning, Derek gently slid out from Angie's grasps and got dressed, kissing her on the forehead as he left to go meet her father.

Thoughts were swirling through his head as he parked his car just a block away from the Starbucks, thinking of the conversation he and Angie had the night prior. As he walked past the window of the coffee shop, he could see Blackwell seated inside, reading a paper. Sighing loudly, he pulled open the front door and walked in.

Ken lifted his head from the paper and looked up at Derek, an instant smile forming on his face.

"Derek!" he said, standing up to shake his hand. "I'm glad you came – please, have a seat… Can I get you anything?"

Derek shook his head. "No, I'm still not entirely awake.. heh"

"Okay, okay, I get it… I freaked you out by calling you here…" Ken said, leaning back in his chair.

"No!" Derek yelped. "That's not it at all! I'm just… curious, that's all…"

Ken laughed. "Would you relax, Derek? Everything is fine… I actually called you here to tell you a story."

Derek's expression lightened considerably as he smiled. "Oh, okay… I'm all ears."

Ken leaned forward, clasping his hands together and setting them on the table.

"Derek, our family is big on tradition." he started, eyes locked with Derek's. "And with yours and Angie's wedding coming up, it made me realize that I haven't done anything to officially welcome you into our family."

Derek smiled. "I feel welcome, Ken… you don't have to do anything…"

Ken smirked a little as he cut Derek off. "No, yes I do. Like I said, we're big on traditions. And because of that, we have many things that have passed through generations of our family."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked, slightly confused. "Like, heirlooms?"

"Exactly." he replied.

"Derek, I love Angie very much. If circumstances would've allowed me to stay with her and her mother, there's no doubt in my mind that Angie would not be an only child…" he said, smiling.

"All those years, I was sad to never have a son because I knew that I would have nobody to pass these heirlooms down to… but now that you're marrying my Angie, I realize that there's no one better than you to give these things to, because you are like my son…"

Derek couldn't help but smile broadly as he tried to stop himself from choking up. He had missed out on so many father/son memories over these years after his father had passed, and it made him happy to know that he now had a father figure again.

"Anyway… I'm not trying to take the place of your father, Derek…"

"I know – " Derek cut in. "Nobody could – but I still do think of you, as my father… sir."

Ken beamed as he reached into his pocket and set a small box on the table.

"Open it, Derek…"

Derek looked at him and then at the tiny black box, opening it as his mouth dropped in surprise.

Inside the box sat two shining platinum cufflinks. They each had a diamond encrusted in the middle, and a large scrolling 'B' was etched into the metal. Derek lifted one out gently and looked at it as he smiled warmly, still shocked that he was giving these to him.

"Three generations of Blackwell men have worn those cuffs on their wedding day. While I realize that you're not a "Blackwell", per se, these cuffs have brought years of happiness to whoever has worn them… and happiness is the only thing I wish for you and Angie."

Derek stared at them smiling, still silent.

"Well… what do you think?" Ken asked quietly, snapping Derek back to reality.

He turned his brown eyes up to his soon to be father-in-law, smiling warmly.

"This means a lot to me…" he said quietly. "We never had things like this in my family, and I can't believe out of everyone, you passed them down to me…"

Ken beamed as Derek began to laugh.

"Although I am relieved – I told Angie that you were meeting me and she thought you were going to have "the talk" with me…" he stammered out, laughing still as he turned slightly red.

Ken became completely serious.

"Well actually, now that you mention it…"

Derek smacked himself internally for bringing it up. This seriously couldn't be happening.

Seeing the look of sheer terror on Derek's face, all Ken could do was cackle hysterically, leaving Derek to follow suit, still nervous.

"Oh man… hahaha! Your face! HAHA!" he said, slightly hunched over. "I'm kidding, of course, Derek… I wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole."

"Thank, God…" Derek replied, laughing too as little by little, the men settled down.

Ken stood up and Derek followed suit, extending his hand. Ken shook it and then pulled him into a big hug, the cufflinks still firmly grasped in Derek's hand.

"There's more family heirlooms where that came from…" he said, muffled by Derek's shoulder.

Pulling away, the two men smiled warmly at each other, sharing a father/son bond which neither of them had experienced before. Looking his son in the eyes, Kenneth Blackwell grinned, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Welcome to the family, son…"

* * *

**I always figured that after Derek saved him and married Angie (though Atlus doesn't want that to happen, apparently), that they would have father/son moments like this. Even though he's in prison for life (hey, its my story, leave it alone :D ). Anyway - just for formality sake:**

**Kenneth Blackwell / Derek Stiles "Gift"**

**That's the official Generator result. So, there we have it :)**

**Personally, the sex talk cracked me up.. haha. **

**I know I said this chapter would be slightly disturbing, but I'm saving that for later! Hahah!**

**See you next time! **


	3. Baby

**Okay, here's chapter three! MoonCat - I loved those generations, and I plan on writing about one next chapter, though I'm not quite sure which one yet! I'm thinking it'll be Tyler and Derek or Sidney and Naomi. I guess we'll see, eh?**

TC Characters (c) Atlus 

* * *

Angela Stiles never understood why when her father came back from Delphi, he and her mother were never able to patch things up. It looked like they were going to be a big happy family again, and that's why Angie was surprised when her parents started screaming at each other all the time, and eventually officially filed for divorce. Even in her mid-twenties, Angie had a very hard time with the fact that her parents were no longer together.

Six months pregnant with her first child, Angie was cleaning the apartment where her and husband Derek lived when the phone rang. She put down the dish she was drying and walked over to the house phone, seeing her father's cell phone number on the caller ID.

"Hi, Dad…" she said, just as Derek walked in the front door from work. He walked over to her and kissed her on the side of the head, resting his hand lovingly on her belly before he walked back to their bedroom, changing into some sweats.

Kenneth Blackwell was quite happy sounding on the other line, chatting on and on before Angie became curious.

"Why are you so happy sounding…?" she asked cynically, holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she continued washing the dishes.

"_What… I can't just be happy about life..?"_ he asked, leaving her to raise an eyebrow that he couldn't see.

"No." she replied, bluntly. "You're never happy for 'no reason'…"

There was a short pause.

"_Well, I know you hate talking about this – but today's the one year anniversary of the finalization of your mother's and my divorce."_

Angie sighed. "You're right… I don't want to talk about this. But, I'm glad you're happy…"

"_Oh yeah, you really sound like you're happy for me, Angie..."_

Now Angie's expression turned to annoyance. Derek saw this and became concerned as he walked from the bedroom, sitting across from where she was washing the dish on one of their barstools.

"I don't know how many times we have to go over this, Dad…" she said, her tone irritated, "I'm never going to be happy that you and mom got divorced…"

"_Angie, life goes on… people change, and move on to bigger and better things. Why do you think that your mom has found someone new?"_

"Ugh. That guy's a sleazebag…"

"_Maybe so, but everyone has to move on..."_

"You haven't…" she stated bluntly, leaving him silent on the other end.

"_Well, actually... that's why I called."_

In her surprise, Angie dropped the glass she was holding into the sink, producing a loud clatter.

"_I didn't want you to be upset, and I also didn't want to jinx it... But I've been seeing someone for a couple months now, and I really like her..."_

"A couple MONTHS?! DAD!!" Angie shrieked, Derek nearly jumping out of his seat as he motioned for her to calm down, pointing at the bump that held their baby.

"_Angie, calm down! I want to talk rationally about this..."_

"If you wanted to be rational about it, you would've told me the truth from the beginning." she sneered.

There was a long pause as Ken wasn't sure what to say, finally nervously speaking to his daughter.

"_Well, I just called to see if you would meet her and I at my house tomorrow night at 7 o'clock... if you don't want to, I understand... but it's really important to me, Angie..."_

Angie groaned, tapping her foot impatiently as she thought it over.

"Fine. But make sure she knows I automatically already don't like her, and that Derek and I are not staying long."

_Oh, Angie... be fair about thi—"_

"See you tomorrow…" she said, cutting him off as she slammed the phone down into the cradle.

"Angie…" Derek said gently. "What's going on…?"

Furiously scrubbing at a dish, Angie looked up at Derek, absolute contempt in her eyes.

"We're going to my father's tomorrow to meet his new _girlfriend_!!" she exclaimed sarcastically, Derek's eyes widening as he got up and walked towards her, wrapping his arms as best he could around her growing belly.

"I know this makes you upset, but remember what they doctor says – stress and anger aren't good for the baby – it can't handle it well…"

Angie sighed outwardly, turning around to face him.

"I know, this is just ridiculous… He's been dating her for MONTHS and never told me!"

"Well..." he said gently, kissing her lips. "...the only thing we can do is just go and get it overwith…"

----------

"Angie, Derek!" Ken said, inviting them both into his home the next day. Derek shook his hand but Angie stormed past his hug, looking around for the new woman.

"She's not here yet… and nice to see you too…" he said, closing the door.

Angie sat down on the couch and leaned back, her hand resting on her belly. Ken walked over nervously and sat down on the chair just across the coffee table from her, Derek plopping down next to his wife.

"Before you meet her, there's something that we need to talk about…"

Immediately, Angie started to flip out.

"Oh, GOD… don't tell me you're marrying her!" she shrieked, sitting up quickly.

"Angie, relax…" Derek said, rubbing her back gently.

"You're marrying that tramp, aren't you! I can't believe its only been a year, and you're already getting hitched again! I thought that you were "too good" for marriage…!"

"Angela, calm, DOWN!" Ken said sternly, staring at his daughter.

"Don't call me that – and don't tell me to calm down!" she yelled back at him.

"ANGIE – I didn't bring you here to tell you I was getting married…!" Ken snapped, his voice now matching the loudness of his daughter's.

Angie took a deep breaths, the gentle rubbing strokes from Derek on her back calming her down significantly.

"Okay… well then, what did you want to tell me?"

Ken let out a big breath, chuckling nervously as he looked at the floor. Angie and Derek exchanged a glance, before turning their attention back to her father.

"Now, be calm…" he said, still chuckling.

"Oh great… be calm… this should turn out great…" Angie grumbled, crossing her arms.

"I guess there's no better way to talk to you about this than to just say it…"

Ken paused.

"Angie… you're uh… heh.."

He rubbed the back of his head, looking at his daughter and son-in-law.

"You're going to be a big sister, honey…"

It took a second for the news to register, but when it did, Angie's eyes shot wide open, shooting over to Derek who was just as surprised, before she leapt to her feet.

"WHAT?!?!" she roared, nearly at the top of her lungs, her fists clenched at her sides.

"Angie…" Derek warned gently, standing up next to her, his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off, staring down her father with almost hatred in her eyes.

"YOU KNOCKED SOMEONE UP?!" she screamed, hands waving around wildly as she tried to make sense of the situation.

"Angie, stop yelling… let me explain…"

"You've only known her for a few months! Either you're stupid, or she's a WHORE! Oh wait, what am I saying… both sound right!!"

"Now that's IT! You do NOT talk to me that way, I am still your father!"

Angie began breathing heavy, which caused alarm in Derek's mind.

"Angie, you need to settle down… this isn't good for you or the baby…" he said, rubbing her stomach gently.

"No, I don't need to calm down… I need a glass of water, and then after that, I can keep yelling!"

Derek rushed over to the kitchen, searching the cabinets quickly for a glass.

Angie walked briskly around to the back of the couch as Ken approached her.

"No, stay away from me…" she said, beginning to cry. "How, could you do this?! How could this happen!?"

"I'm sure with being pregnant and all yourself, you know how it happens…" Ken joked, his face reflecting nothing but pure seriousness.

"Ha. Very funny,_Ken.._" Angie sneered. "Where did you pick this girl up anyway, on the corner?"

"Angela Ann, you need to stop it right NOW! She is not a whore, and I'm sick of your snide comments!"

"No… I don't need to stop.. I need to leave, right now. Come on, Derek…"

Derek was still in the kitchen, filling the glass with water when a knock was heard at the front door, it opening gently short after. Angie whirled around, coming face to face with her father's girlfriend.

"Sorry I'm late…" the woman said, looking at Ken for comfort as Angie glared at her, her face twisted into a form of unimaginable shock - body frozen in place.

Closing the door, Naomi Kimishima smiled tentatively. She looked over at Derek who was still standing in the kitchen, his mouth as wide open as it could be as well.

"It's nice to see you again, Angie… Derek."

Angie felt the ground move beneath her, suddenly everything becoming blurry. Watching with a face full of panic, Derek dropped the glass in his hand, hearing it instantly shatter upon contact with the ground. He ran as fast as he could around the corner, throwing himself forward as he caught his pregnant wife in his arms, seconds before her unconscious body hit the ground.

"Angie..! ANGIE!" Derek yelled, shaking her as he checked her pulse, body still curled up in his arms. Suddenly, her green eyes popped open, staring at Derek's brown ones which were laced with worry. He sat her up gently, checking her over as she grabbed his hand.

Ken was now standing next to Naomi, her baby bump slightly visible through the light blue dress she was wearing. She turned to him, chuckling nervously as Derek continued to comfort his wife and unborn child.

"So, I'm guessing she knows…" Naomi said, Ken nodding.

"I guess in terms of her reaction, you could say "Like father, like daughter"…" she said, giggling.

* * *

**Generator result: Kenneth Blackwell and Naomi Kimishima -- "Baby"**

Man, after all that work at Delphi, I'm really surprised there haven't been any stories based on the two of them as a couple...

Also, NEW BLOOD IS SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT! You know, part of me wonders if there will be Z missions where MAYBE YOU OPERATE AS DEREK (OMG I HOPE SO), and then you meet up with Markus and Val later in the game, just like Naomi did in SO. I can only hope... I'll really be depressed if none of the OC's are in it..

Yeah, I'm having internal conflict inside of my brain. I have some interesting things planned for FCL, but I don't want to bore everyone - so, I'm contemplating scrapping it. The next update for Hostage should be up soon though! I'll see you either here, or there real soon!


	4. Nail Polish

**Okay, long story short - Hostage, is kicking me in the rear end. For real. I have never been a hostage, nor really seen them on TV, so I am SEVERELY lacking in knowledge.**

This chapter of the random crack pairing generator is actually a blend of two topics: Baby, and Nail Polish.

Oh big heads up ITB - This chapter gots some Sidney in it :D. I hereby dedicate the Sidney section, to you.

Alrighty-o.. let's go! 

* * *

Leslie Chase walked down the halls of Caduceus very slowly one bright and sunny Friday afternoon. Married for three years and pregnant with her first child, her usually cute saunter had begun to take upon more of a waddle feel, which her husband Tyler found adorable. Anytime he mentioned it she cried, but as Tyler had learned quickly, tears and pregnancy tended to go hand in hand – especially when there really wasn't anything worth crying over.

"Are you ready to go, Ty?" Leslie asked, resting her back against the doorframe, a hand happily settled on her now giant baby bump.

"Yep, I'll be just a second – I just have to sign off on a few things and then we can go home and relax…!"

Rising from his desk chair, he helped Leslie over to the couch in their office where he sat her down gently, kissing her on the cheek as he gently rubbed the bump that held his baby.

Nearly falling asleep while waiting for him, Leslie was awoken by the sound of a crying infant in the hallway. She turned around in her chair to see Angie cradling her six-month old, the baby wailing like it was being strangled.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

Leslie could hear Derek's voice as he calmly walked to stand in front of Angie and the baby, his voice trying to yell over the infant's cries.

"I DON'T KNOW – THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AN HOUR!" Angie replied, careful to shield the child's ears as she yelled. "THE WOMAN AT THE DAYCARE MADE ME COME DOWN THERE BECAUSE SHE SAID IT WAS MAKING HER CRAZY!"

Leslie giggled to herself, watching as Angie bounced the baby gently, trying to calm it.

"...DIAPER CHANGE? HUNGRY?" Derek asked, to which Angie shook her head.

"NOPE, TAKEN CARE OF!"

"HERE, LET ME TRY!" Derek said, outstretching his hands as Angie pulled the infant close to her body.

"NO! IT'S OKAY! EVERYTHING'S FINE, IT'S PROBABLY JUST A GAS BUBBLE OR SOMETHING…" she said, looking visibly distressed as she tried to calm the baby.

"What are those two yelling about?! And what are they doing to their baby?" Tyler asked, laughing at his best friend's misfortune.

"Oh, don't you EVEN laugh at that…" Leslie said. "I don't need karma coming around to us when ours comes out…"

"ANGIE, JUST LET ME TRY!" Derek shouted, the infant's cries becoming louder and louder.

Leslie turned back around just in time to see Angie huff, before handing the child in her arms off to her husband. The cries continued for less than five seconds before they completely ceased.

"Oh, that's better, isn't it..?" Derek rhetorically asked his child in a loving voice as he gently swayed back and forth, smiling at the infant fondly.

"You've GOT to be kidding me!" Angie said, bursting out into tears. "My baby hates me!"

Leslie could hear the clicks of Angie's heels as she stomped away from Derek, leaving him to smile at Leslie and Tyler in their office, who were now both staring at him.

"No! Angie, the baby doesn't hate you!" he yelled after her, walking over and leaning in slightly through the door to their office.

"…it just likes Daddy better… heh heh heh…" he whispered as he winked, chuckling evilly as Tyler and Leslie watched him run, child in hand, after his distraught wife.

Leslie and Tyler were cracking up by that point, amused by Derek's antics. Rubbing her stomach gently, she felt a few small fluttering kicks in succession, leaving her to smile warmly.

"Done!" Tyler said, slamming his pen down on the desk. "Let's go home!"

"Sounds great!" Leslie chirped. "I'm _starving_... and your daughter is kicking like crazy…"

Tyler leaned next to his wife, wrapping an arm around her waist as he helped pull her into an upright position.

"You mean, our _son_…" he corrected, leaving her to laugh. Neither of them wanted to know the sex, as it took away the fun of ragging on each other about it.

----------

After dinner, Tyler plopped down onto the couch and turned on the TV, Leslie next to him. He laughed as his hands rested on Leslie's stomach, amused by the fact that his unborn child was literally kicking the crap out of his wife from the inside.

"You laugh about this one more time and I will kick the crap out of you!" she exclaimed, scowling before she let a small giggle loose.

Leslie rose from the couch and walked over into the bathroom for what she deemed the "49th time that day", as Tyler chuckled sympathetically at her. When she didn't come back after ten minutes, he walked back to make sure everything was okay.

Though he knew it was going to get him in trouble, Tyler couldn't help but laugh as he watched his wife sit on the ground, contorted into a very uncomfortable position. She sighed annoyed as he stood there, realizing that due to her big belly, there was no way she was going to be able to bend like she used to… or, at all, for that matter.

"What, are you doing Les?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

Leslie reached down to her side and pulled a bottle of bright pink nail polish out, holding it in front of Tyler's face.

"This stinks, honey… I can't even bend down to paint my own toenails…" she whined, tears collecting in her eyes.

He stared at her blankly for a moment before he took the bottle from her and unscrewed the cap.

"What are you doing?!" she exclaimed, finding the answer when she felt Tyler grab her foot and plop it in his lap.

"This can't be THAT hard…" he said, smiling as he pulled out the brush. Right off the bat he left too much paint on it, leaving it to drip off and onto the top of her foot.

"Tyler!" she shrieked, giggling through her anger. "You have to be careful!"

"Okay, okay!" he said defensively, brushing off the brush gently as he tried again.

"Now, you're going to do a stripe in the middle…"

"OOH, LIKE RACING STRIPES?!" he exclaimed excitedly, cutting her off in mid sentence.

"NO!" she yelped. "YOU'RE NOT PAINTING STRIPES ON MY NAILS!!"

"Oh, come on! One down the center, that would look SO sweet!"

"Okay, you're done!" she said, trying to pull her foot out.

"No, no, no! I promise, I'll be good!" he said, dipping the brush in the paint and taking another shot.

"Okay, like I said… a stripe down the middle, and then one on each side… make sure you blend it."

Tyler stared blankly at her big toe for a moment before he tried, his hand shaking like crazy. Somehow in three strokes, he had managed to paint from the tip of her toe, all the way down to where it bent.

"How's it coming?" she asked, leaning back onto her elbows.

Tyler stared down at his "masterpiece", then back at Leslie, repeating that same sequence a few times.

"Uh…."

"…Great!" he replied cheerily.

He dipped the brush back into the nailpolish, sighing outwardly.

"OH MY GOD!" Leslie shrieked, now sitting up as best she could and looking at her husband's handiwork. "What did you DO to me!?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, waving his hands all around as he tried to figure out what to do.

He stood up quickly, looking down at her.

"Uh, you're on your own…!" he said, trying to get up and walk out.

"TYLER JORDAN CHASE, YOU SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN!"

Quickly, Tyler lowered himself to the floor into an Indian-style position.

Leslie thrust a bottle of nail polish remover at him, instructing him on clean up. She watched as he scrubbed the polish off of her skin, laughing slightly before she started to cry.

"What! Oh, Les…" he said, moving to her side. "I'm sorry – I'm a dude, we suck at this stuff!"

"I… I know, you do!!" she wailed, burying her face into his chest. "I just wanted my nails painted…!"

He gently rubbed her shoulders before helping her up and walking her back to the bedroom. Compensating for his lack of manicuring skills, Tyler treated Leslie to a near full-body massage.

----------

The next day, the fact that he couldn't put a color on a nail really irked Tyler as the day pressed on. Seeking some help, he walked to Derek and Angie's office, finding his best friend inside.

"Hey man, what's up?" Tyler asked, to which Derek spun around in his chair smiling.

"Oh, nothing much. Angie's down in the daycare right now nursing, one of the rare times the baby _isn't_ screaming at her…"

Tyler laughed, Derek following suit.

"Is it that bad?" he asked, to which Derek shook his head.

"Nah… Everything's going great – it's just for some reason when the screaming is really out of control, Angie always has to do the ol' pass off to me… otherwise, the cries never stop.."

Tyler chuckled as he looked around the proud parents' office – pictures of their little miracle were in frames everywhere.

Suddenly, Tyler's smile faded.

"I uh, have to ask you something…" he started, earning a contemplative look from his friend.

Derek leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head as he motioned for Tyler to go on.

"This is going to sound SO weird… but… have you ever given Angie a manicure…?"

Derek looked at him, a giant smile on his face before he began to laugh.

"Oh man… yeah, once when she was pregnant." he said, barely able to contain his laughter.

Tyler laughed a little too, unsure of why he was doing so. "Well, how'd it turn out…?"

Derek laughed harder. "Let's say, she will never let me even touch her bottles of polish anymore after I decided to paint racing stripes…"

"RACING STRIPES?! NO WAY, ME TOO!"

Derek and Tyler started to howl with laughter, hunching over in their seats. After sharing their stories, the laughter died down just a bit, before Tyler decided to move on.

"Well, I'll see you later man, thanks for the story…" he said, chuckling.

"Anytime Tyler – see ya.."

As Tyler walked from Derek's office, he pulled the little pink bottle out of his scrubs pocket, examining it as he walked to the bathroom.

Taking out a piece of paper towel once he was in the restroom, Tyler painted a few test strokes, but he was unable to make it smooth. Using a side to side instead of up and down motion, Tyler just got angry instead, stabbing his piece of paper towel with the little brush over and over – just as Dr. Stephen Clarks walked through the door. Tyler froze, little brush and pink nail polish bottle still in hand as he looked up at Clarks, who was incredibly amused.

"Let me guess Tyler… you're awful at painting your pregnant wife's toenails?" he asked, smiling as he walked toward the blonde.

"That's… how, did you know?!" he asked, lightening up just a bit.

"Two kids later, it's all I did for the entire time she was pregnant… I was horrible the first time, but she wouldn't let me give up until I got it right…"

Tyler looked between the bottle of polish and Dr. Clarks inquisitively.

"Any tips you can give me…?" he asked. "I feel so bad – it's the one thing she wants me to do and I can't do it for her because I am a guy and suck at all forms of beauty products…"

Clarks laughed, nodding his head. He explained pedicures in theory, as Tyler struggled to keep up. Brushstrokes, and blending, and overlapping… through the conversation, Tyler had to admit he was paying less and less attention to what Dr. Clarks was saying, and paying more attention to the fact that he felt sorry for what the guy's wife had made him learn.

Tyler just stared at Dr. Clarks until he sighed, looking around in the bathroom.

"You will tell nobody about this, but hop up on the counter and I'll show you what I'm talking about.."

"What?! NO!" Tyler said, looking down at his feet. "I don't want to have pink toenails!"

"Well, your shoes will be on the rest of the day… and it's the only way you're going to learn is if you paint your own."

"Oh man, this is SO not cool… Leslie's lucky to have a husband who wants to do this kind of stuff to make her happy…" Tyler muttered, sitting on the counter as he pulled his foot up onto the ledge, taking off his shoe and sock.

"Okay, here's what you do…" Dr. Clarks said. Gently, he walked Tyler through the steps, doing the first one so he could see. Very slowly, Tyler painted all the way across his left foot, getting better as he went on.

"Great! You're doing great!" Clarks said as he looked on. Tyler ended with his big toe, dipping the polish into the bottle and the pulling it out. Just as he went to make the first stroke, the door swung open, and Clarks and Tyler whipped their heads around, completely frozen with shock.

Sidney Kasal stood in the doorway, holding open the door to the bathroom as he looked on at the two men – who at the moment, were painting Tyler's toenails a very pretty shade of pink. His expression was that of sheer confusion, but a big smile was on his face as he chuckled sporadically, unsure of what to say. His smile faded slowly into a faint smirk, as he backed up.

"I'm sorry – I was under the impression that I walked into the MEN'S bathroom. My mistake."

As he let the door swing shut, Tyler and Clarks could hear him began to cackle louder than they had ever heard him laugh before.

"…We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?" Tyler asked.

"Nope. Sure aren't."

"Well, thanks, Dr. Clarks – I still appreciate it."

Dr. Clarks paused, crossing his arms as he smiled.

"I wish I could say 'any time', Tyler, but do us both a favor… next time you want advice from me, make sure it's about something manly."

----------

Tyler rushed into his and Leslie's house after work, finding her on the couch. His ego still bruised from work, he had the need to do something manly, so he was meeting Derek and some other friends for a night out.

"Okay, long story short, I tried learning how to paint nails and I learned… but, I'm worried people will think I'm a woman. So, instead of painting your nails and pampering you myself, I came up with the next best thing…"

He walked out into the foyer and out of sight, walking back in with Amy, who was holding a huge bucket of different beauty supplies, ready to give her sister-in-law the works.

Leslie smiled and gave Tyler a huge hug and kiss as Amy sat down next to her to feel the baby kick.

"You girls have fun – I'll be back in a few hours…"

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Before you go, you got an email from Sidney – better check it to make sure it's not something important…"

Tyler turned concerned, walking over to their computer where he pulled up his email and clicked on the message, a sound beginning to pour from the speakers.

"_I feel pretty, oh so pretty... I feel pretty, and witty, and..."_

Tyler flipped off the speakers in a huff, storming out of the room as he grabbed his keys and said goodbye to his favorite girls.

Once he left, Leslie turned laughing towards Amy, who was immaculately painting her nails.

"Amy… if you ever want to learn how to REALLY annoy your big brother, you let me know… there's a man named Sidney who's REAL good at it…"

* * *

**Stephen Clarks and Tyler Chase - Nail Polish**

That was the official one, and then there was Tyler Chase and Leslie Sears - Baby. I don't know what compelled me to also throw Derek and Angie in there, but I'm pretty sure they have to be in everything I write or else I may implode. Or, maybe something less dramatic?

Haha. Okay, that's my last humor piece for awhile (sigh), so, I hope it made you laugh like it did me. We all know Sidney would rip them a new one, lol.

See you next time - thanks for reading! 


	5. Ninja

**Alright -- double update today! Woo!**

**Because I am depressing everyone with the latest chapter of FCL, I figured that I would give you guys something to hopefully laugh at.**

**Seriously, upon reading this over, I was cracking up just imagining half of this stuff. I hope that it makes you guys laugh as much as it did me!**

**Enjoy!**

**TC Characters (c) Atlus**

* * *

Out of all the employees at Caduceus, only one seemed to care about Halloween.

His name, was Tyler Chase.

Every year, Sidney sent out a memo that invited the employees to dress up for the holiday, failing to solicit any form of excitement from anyone but the blonde surgeon.

The night before Halloween, Tyler called everyone on staff to make sure that they were going to dress up with him. And like the "nice people" they all were, assured their co-worker that he would not be the only one dressed up.

But when Tyler Chase walked into work to see no one decked out but himself…

"You guys are the biggest bunch of lame-asses I have ever met!"

Sidney laughed from his office as Tyler stomped down the hallway angrily.

Dressed in full ninja gear, Tyler rounded the corner of Caduceus's second floor, walking into the break room.

He spotted Derek over at the coffee maker, taking a sip of his precious caffeinated beverage as he turned around, spotting his best friend.

Instantly, Derek placed the back of his forearm against his mouth to hold in the coffee that was threatening to escape as he sank back against the cabinets, laughing hysterically.

The only part of Tyler's face that was showing was a small bit of his mouth, and a thin strip where his eyes could be seen. And even though most of him was camouflaged, Derek could make out a very strong glower in his stare.

"Um… I really just… have no… words…" Derek started, chuckling as he stared open-mouthed at Tyler.

"Let me ask you something…" Tyler said, hands on his hips as he stared at Derek.

"And what is that, your ninja greatness?" Derek asked, beginning to laugh again.

Tyler scowled.

"Why are you a jerk?"

"Because it's funny. Really, funny."

The blonde surgeon turned ninja crossed his arms and huffed.

"I'm going to remember this next time you need a babysitter…" he said, to which Derek's smile instantly dropped.

Cybil Myers walked toward the break room, her heels clicking against the tile. As the room came into view, she saw Derek, whom she had been searching for.

"Derek? I needed to discuss something with you about toda—hahahaAHAHAHA!"

Cybil collapsed against the door frame in hysterics as she spotted Tyler, dressed in his full ninja gear. Derek began to laugh again at her outburst, trying to hide his chuckles by lightly sipping his coffee.

"Whaaat?!" Tyler groaned, throwing his hands up in the air.

Cybil straightened herself, calming down, but still allowing the occasional giggle to resurface.

"Okay, first, you look ridiculous." she said triumphantly, giggling again.

Tyler's blue eyes pierced at her through the small opening he had created in his mask.

"Second, where did you…"

She stopped.

"…How did you..?"

Paused again.

"Please, please tell me that you and the rest of the Ninja Turtles will come to Max's birthday party? He'd be so excited…" she said, to which Derek busted out laughing again.

"You guys suck. Seriously." he said, walking out of the room.

As soon as he walked out of the doorway he bumped into Victor, who just stared blankly at him.

"Not a word, Niguel."

"Wasn't planning on it, Bruce Lee."

Tyler sighed as he heard Cybil and Derek start to laugh again. He retreated back to his office, where he sat by himself, due to the fact that his very pregnant wife was now on maternity leave.

So what? He didn't care they were all making fun of him.

He would just use his secret ninja powers to annoy.

---------

Sidney Kasal walked down the hall with a stack of important documents in his hands. On his way to the copier, he held the neatly organized stack in both of his hands as he read the top page while walking.

Seeing Sidney walk by, Tyler popped his head out from around a corner where he had been hiding, sneaking up behind the Director very quietly until…

"NINJA!" he yelled, karate-chopping the stack of papers in Sidney's hands. Both men watched as the stack was smacked out of Sidney's grasp, his neatly piled papers fluttering to the floor. He stared at the papers and then back at Tyler, slowly crossing his arms.

Seeing his frustration, Tyler just smiled, scratching his head slightly.

"What, are you doing?" Sidney asked, completely baffled as to what just happened.

"Uh. Ninja, moves…?" Tyler responded.

Sidney sighed, the glare on his glasses showing as he pushed them up his nose.

"Well, let's hope that one of your Ninja powers is speed, because if these aren't picked up and organized in the next three seconds I'm going to do a little trick of my own called "You're fired."…!"

Tyler immediately "ninja-d" to the floor.

----------

Sure, Sidney could can him in a heartbeat.

But tormenting Derek would do nothing besides bring Tyler joy.

He spotted the brunette surgeon turned recent father walking down the hall with a clipboard, on his way to go check on a patient. Tyler ran up quickly from behind him, slapping the clipboard out of his hands and onto the floor as he continued to run down the hallway.

"NINJA!" he yelled as his hand made contact with the clipboard.

Slightly annoyed, Derek couldn't help but chuckle just a bit as he saw his friend run past him and around the corner.

"YOU'RE THE SLOWEST NINJA I'VE EVER MET!" Derek yelled after him, hearing Victor snicker as he walked by.

Bending down to pick up the clipboard, it never dawned on Derek that this particular part of the hospital made a loop…

…until his clipboard had been smacked out of his hands once more.

Tyler cackled as he ran away again, this time running off to hopefully go annoy someone else.

----------

Cybil Myers walked out of the break room, eating an apple and reading a newspaper as she walked back to her office.

"Cleverly" disguised behind a tree in the hall, Tyler snickered to himself as Cybil passed him. But before he could run up behind her…

"Touch me and you're dead, Chase…"

"But…"

"Dead."

Tyler smiled, unwilling to take her threat seriously. He waited a few seconds, and then sneakily bolted down the hall towards the anesthesiologist.

"DOUBLE NINJA!" he yelled as he smacked both the apple and the newspaper out of her hands and onto the green tile.

She turned around and stared at him, beginning to walk towards him just as he broke into a run in the opposite direction.

He realized at that moment as an ex-cop was chasing him, that he probably should've listened to her.

Running down the hallway, he saw Victor as the end of the hall where it rounded, laughing as he watched a very angry Cybil chase a ninja down the hall.

"Shut up right now or I swear I will Ninja the emo right out of you!" Tyler yelled as he rounded the corner, still desperate to lose Cybil, who wasn't far behind.

----------

The men's bathroom was where Tyler took shelter from his attacker. He was thankful that Dr. Hoffman was in the restroom already, mostly because had he not have been, there was no doubt in his mind that Cybil would've come charging in right after him.

He waited until he was sure she was gone, and when he peeked his head out of the door, those suspicions were confirmed. Instead of Cybil, he saw Derek with his arm around his wife's shoulders, walking back towards their office.

Smiling, he ducked back into the bathroom and waited.

----------

"Mmm… this is so what I needed today…" Angie said, content with the one cup of coffee she was allowed to have per day.

"I know how you feel – giving up coffee while you were pregnant was rough…"

"You didn't give it up – I found your empty cups, so I know you cheated."

Derek scowled. "I know I cheated, but still. No coffee? That's ridiculous…"

Angie giggled as she took another sip, happy to have her caffeinated love back in her life.

"When I'm done breastfeeding, we are going to have a three-week period where all we drink is coffee…"

Derek laughed, kissing the side of her head.

"Deal. But until then, enjoy what you can have."

"Ah, Derek… have a moment?" Sidney asked, approaching the couple from behind.

"Sure Director Kasal… what can I do for you…?"

Tyler snuck another glance out the door. Derek was signing some papers Sidney had for him, and Angie had her back to him, holding what looked like a Styrofoam cup.

He giggled again as he watched, seeing Sidney begin to part ways from Derek.

And because Sidney was no longer facing the bathroom, only Derek could see Tyler walk out gently, a smile present on his barely visible mouth.

Still listening to Sidney's explanation, Derek watched as Tyler set his sights on Angie, who was happily enjoying the only cup of coffee she could have that day. Sidney bid Derek goodbye and walked away, never noticing Ninja Tyler sneaking up on Angie.

Eyes wide, Derek tried as best he could to signal to Tyler not to do it, to leave her alone, but he was too late…

Derek closed his eyes and put a hand over his face as he heard the word "NINJA!" ring through the hall, accompanied with a shriek and the sound of a shattering mug on the tile.

Tyler's eyes opened wide as he stood frozen, looking at the shattered piece of the mug Angie was holding now littering the ground.

Derek watched as Angie slowly turned around, coffee down the bottom front of her uniform, and all over her legs and shoes. The smile instantly wiped itself off Tyler's face as her eyes seemingly burned into his flesh.

"Angie, I thought it was a Styrofoam cup, and I didn't think there was coffee in it, I'm so, so…"

"That." she started. "That, was the only cup of coffee I was allowed to have today, due to the fact that I am still breastfeeding." she sneered, expression looking like she was ready to kill him.

Tyler now felt horrible, and also a little scared as Angie walked towards him, pacing farther away from the mess.

"I'm so sorry, Angie… So, sorry…"

"That was the stupidest thing I have ever seen a person do. And do you know who I'm married to?"

"Hey!" Derek said softly, looking at his wife who was filled to the brink with contempt.

She broke her stare with Tyler to look at her husband, who was offended.

"I love you… but tumor patient from Hope who almost died cause you left?" she said, leaving Derek to drop his offense.

"Fair enough. Carry on." he said, smiling as he waited to see how his wife was going to deal with her assailant.

"I'll get you a new cup!" Tyler said, motioning to the break room. "I'll run and be back in two seconds…"

Angie smiled evilly, leaving Tyler more nervous before.

Just then, Cybil came charging around the corner, having heard the word "Ninja".

"There you are you little sh—!"

She was promptly cut off as she saw Angie covered in coffee, standing in front of Tyler, a few feet away from where a puddle of coffee and broken ceramics laid.

"Tyler, give me your hands." she said, holding out her hands.

Derek chuckled to himself. This was going to be awesome.

"…I don't want to…" he said softly.

"Do it, or I let Cybil deal with you…" she said, watching as Tyler spun around to see the Iron Vixen just waiting for the signal.

Cybil and Derek watched as Tyler reluctantly placed his hands into Angie's. In a flash, she raised their joined hands straight in the air, turned around and pushed her body backwards against his. Angie pulled their locked arms towards the floor quickly as she bent at her waist, throwing Tyler over her body. His legs flailed through the air before she slammed him down on the ground onto his back, listening as he groaned painfully.

Loud clapping could be heard from the end of the hall from Cybil as Victor, Sidney, and Dr. Clarks rounded the corner to see a coffee-covered Angie with her foot on the ninja's chest, who now laid in slight pain on the floor.

Angie looked Tyler in the face as her shoe dug into his chest.

"Koshinage." she muttered, flashing a smile as she put weight on the foot on his chest, stepping onto and then over him as she walked off towards her office. Victor smiled, just walking away from the scene. He could stay in the lab for days after seeing that, the mental image would be something that he would never forget.

Still half laughing with his mouth wide open, Derek quickly scurried after her, linking his arms around her as they walked.

"That, was seriously probably one of the best things I have ever seen in my life …" he said, kissing Angie's cheek.

"Yeah, that jerk got what was coming to him… and by the way, 'ninja' is NOT a verb…!" she exclaimed, leaving Derek to laugh.

"I, love you…" he said, scooping her up as they walked into their office. "You're like, wife and mother by day, ninja nurse crime fighter by night…"

Angie giggled. "Let's work on getting me my own TV show…"

---------

Back in the hall, Dr. Clarks had gone to find a mop to clean up the mess, Sidney still watching the magic unfold.

Tyler shakily rose to his feet, instantly coming into view of Cybil. He panicked immediately.

"I'm not going to kill you, this time." she said, still laughing. "I think you got enough of an ass-whooping for today…"

"That's for sure…" he said. "I definitely wasn't expecting that from a woman…"

Tyler groaned slightly, rubbing his back as Cybil's gaze turned vindictive.

"What do you mean you don't expect that from a _woman_…" she asked, watching as Tyler's face became panicked once more.

In a flash, Tyler was sprinting down the hall, Cybil right on his heels.

Sidney just laughed as Dr. Clarks returned with a mop. Both men checked their pagers as a beeping was heard.

"Oh, that's me – an emergency patient is on the way…" Dr. Clarks said, becoming visibly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Um… here…" he said, gently handing the mop to Sidney, before he rushed off to go tend to his emergency.

Sidney looked left to right, all alone in the hallway, holding a mop. Sighing, he walked over and began to clean up the mess, ready to ring Tyler by his stupid ninja neck.

A smile couldn't help but make its way across Sidney's face as he thought running up behind Tyler, slapping a stack of papers out of his hands, and yelling "You're fired!"

If only there were a Halloween costume for such a thing…

* * *

**For formality's sake..**

**Angie Thompson and Tyler Chase -- "Ninja" **

**Haha, is it just me, or would anyone else like to see the look on Tyler's face when he gets Ninja "You're fired" from Sidney?**

**Something about Tyler just popping up in his Ninja suit and slapping things out of people's hands made me crack up so hard.**

**This is my favorite piece of this story so far, and is one of my favorite things I've written in awhile. I hope that you guys enjoyed it as much as I did.**

**And Angie is wrong. Ninja is SO a verb :)**

**Please review!**


	6. Daydreams

**Woo! Updating spree! (is so tired) **

**I believe this was one of the ideas that MoonCat gave me from the generator... I'm too lazy to go check.**

**Okay kiddos, I've gotta put up a disclaimer here - this gets a little saucy and inappropriate, so you've been warned - allrighty o?**

**This is really random and I hope you guys don't hate it. And if you do, please don't tell me, that would make me sad. **

**Mmk. Let's rock! **

* * *

One particularly dreary Tuesday afternoon, Derek Stiles and his nurse Angie Thompson were in their office working on respective paperwork stacks. Having spent nearly every day together over the past year and a half of knowing each other, the pair had gotten to know each other quite well. And though Derek hated to admit it, it was true: Angie really did have eyes in the back of her head, and knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. 

With Angie's back to him seated at her desk, Derek smiled as he looked at her, diligently working away. His gaze switched randomly between her and his paperwork, sighing to himself when he noticed that he had completely missed the line he was writing on.

"What's going on, Derek?"

He stopped, putting his pen down.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, why are you staring at me... is there something wrong?"

Derek felt his face turn a nice shade of pink – how did she always know…?

"Oh, nothing – I guess with the dreary weather outside I've been daydreaming today…"

Instead of calling him irresponsible or something of the like, Angie turned around and smiled, surprising him just a bit.

"I know how you feel – on really gross days like this I can't keep focus on anything to save my life… but, what else do I have to do, you know?" she said, turning back around.

"Yeah…" was Derek's reply, continuing to look at her before he returned to his paperwork.

A half hour of silence later there was a barely audible click as Derek set his pen down on his desk. Closing his eyes, he began lowering his face towards his desk to relax, until…

"Don't, even think about it…" Angie snapped from across the room.

"Don't think about what?" he asked, face just mere centimeters from his desk.

"Putting your head down – cause you know you'll fall asleep, and I don't want to be the one to wake you."

When Derek lifted his head, he turned confused to see her back to him still. Seriously – how did she freakin' do that?

Groaning unhappily, Derek heard Angie stifle a small giggle, hunching over her desk to write some more.

Okay fine, he would stay awake for now, that she could stop him from…

…but she couldn't stop him from thinking about her.

Looking at a picture of them together in Japan that was framed on his desk, Derek smiled at the sight of her, entertaining the idea of them being a couple in his mind – they looked just so, perfect, together…

Just then, Angie set down her pen, reaching both arms up to rub her face as she rested her head on her arms. Derek scoffed quietly to himself – she got to put her head down? How was that fair?

Thinking of bringing it up, Derek stopped himself, realizing that no good could come of it. He had seen her fall asleep twice, and she probably had a written list somewhere of all the times she had to pry him from his slumber.

Derek glanced at the picture once more before his gaze diverted out the window to the gray overcast skies.

"_I wonder if she knows how much she means to me... maybe I should tell her?"_

He leaned back in his seat, clasping his hands in his lap.

"_Nah, it's not like she's interested in me like that anyway... but still, I can't help but wonder if she's thinking of me..."_

Resting on her arms which were laid flat on her desk, Angie's eyes blinked open to see a picture of her and Derek in Africa with Reuben, whom they had saved from the first case of Triti they had ever seen. Smiling at the cute picture, Angie closed her eyes again, snuggling her face into the crook of her elbow.

"_I wonder if my hairdresser is back from maternity leave yet – I need a trim."_

Somewhere in the midst of Derek thinking about Angie and Angie thinking about everything under the sun _but_ Derek, the nurse slipped into an accidental nap, not even seeing it coming.

Pulling himself out of his daydream with a quick shake of his head, Derek sighed and picked up his pen, going back to boring old paperwork.

Working diligently for quite some time, Derek chuckled in slight pain as his hand began to cramp and spasm out of control.

"Ah, crud…" he said softly, putting his pen down again.

"You know Angie, I don't know why I just don't hire someone to do paperwork for me – I don't enjoy it, and I suck at it too… maybe if I weren't so ADD all the time…"

Derek paused – this was about the time that Angie would usually chime in to help him make fun of himself, yet, she was quiet.

A broad smile swept Derek's face as he quietly rose from his seat, walking carefully over to Angie to investigate. When he was halfway there and heard slow, deep breaths coming from her, he pumped a fist in the air – NEVER did he get to see Angie fall asleep at work. Now he had an excuse to use all the tricks she used on him to get her to wake up – what fun this was going to be…

Now standing just to her left, Derek chuckled inwardly as he racked his brain for the best way to wake her up.

Hand in warm water?

Nah, too mean.

Screaming "FIRE" really loud?

Nah, he was not a big advocate of doing things that were going to get his ass kicked…

"_Maybe I could..."_

His train of thought was interrupted as suddenly, Angie began to giggle lightly in her sleep.

Derek smiled at her cute giggle, crossing his arms as he walked over and sat on the couch, still looking at her. Forget about messing with her, he was just going to sit on the couch and watch her be cute.

Angie's mother always used to place pictures of her family members and loved ones all over Angie's nightstand growing up, telling her that if the last thing she saw before she slipped off to sleep was something happy, that she would have pleasant dreams.

This time, because the last thing she saw was the picture of her and Derek on her desk, Angie's unconscious form woke up back in Africa, talking with Director Miller, Derek, and Reuben again.

"_You two are miracle workers! I can't believe how amazing of an operation you just performed – you two are quite the team, and your skills are out of this world, Dr. Stiles."_

_Angie and Derek exchanged a glance and smiled at each other. Angie kept staring at him even after the gaze was broken, finally taking a moment to notice how attractive he was..._

"_No, snap out of it Angie!" she thought to herself, trying desperately to listen to what the director had to say. She nodded along for a bit before realizing that she really wasn't paying attention – and who could blame her? Langston Miller was a viciously boring man..._

_Derek looked back over at her again, this time dropping his smile in favor of a positively sexy look which sent shivers down her spine – did he see her staring at him? She didn't know – the only thing she was aware of was that Director Miller was basically talking to himself now._

_Finally he bid them farewell, leaving them all alone in the small hut that they had been given to stay in during their time in Rubora._

"_Derek, that operation was amazing – I'm, proud of you..."_

"_Thanks, Angie." he said, pacing towards her slowly, that absolutely smoldering look beaming from his gorgeous, brown eyes, washing all over her and..._

_Angie's knees turned to pudding as Derek's lips settled themselves right below her ear on her neck, sucking at it gently as his hot breath echoed in her ear. She was paralyzed for the moment, unable to do anything besides enjoy what he was doing, especially as his kisses picked up speed and started tracing down her neck._

"No, we're in Africa! Ohh, mmmhmm…"

Derek suddenly turned confused, watching Angie's face transform from stone to a sexy smile. Part of him was uncomfortable from what she had just said, but stayed put, now reading a magazine as he waited for her to wake up.

On a second thought, the way she said it kind of sounded like…

Derek smacked himself mentally – _She's not dreaming about that Derek, stop being a perv._

_Derek had managed to unbutton Angie's uniform while still kissing her, their tongues now doing silent battle, muffling any noises that she was making. Backing her up against a wall, he kissed down her neck again, this time tracing downward over her chest until his tongue ran over..._

"Oh yeah, right there…"

Now, Derek was slightly uncomfortable. Not only was Angie sleeping in the middle of the day, it sounded like she was having not very appropriate dreams. Flipping through his magazine, Derek decided the next outburst she had, he would leave her alone, as not to invade her personal thoughts.

_Shaking, Angie's slender fingers worked to undo Derek's uniform, nimbly unbuttoning everything until his bare chest was exposed. Running her hands over it as he kissed her again, Angie's heart began to beat even harder, feeling one of Derek's hands run up the inside of her leg, growing closer and closer until..._

"Oh, Derek!"

Derek's eyes shot open a mile wide as he practically threw the magazine out of his hands, immediately jumping to his feet as a huge but nervous grin settled on his face. Mouth wide open, he racked his brain quickly, trying to figure out what to do.

Derek. That was _his_ name. Derek as in, Derek Stiles, as in, her doctor and friend. And apparently Derek as in "hunky man in her dreams that is obviously doing _something_ right…"

She was definitely having some sort of inappropriate daydream, and here he was, watching it unravel.

"_Backtrack Stiles..."_ his mind interjected. _"You're missing the point here – the point is, if it is THAT kind of dream, you're the one she's having it about..."_

Derek smiled to himself for a moment before he became uncomfortable, storming from the room and closing the door behind him, so as not to let anyone else hear what was going on.

A bit frazzled, Derek walked into the break room and grabbed a water from the fridge, drinking the entire thing in one sitting. Sighing, he tossed the empty bottle into the recycling bin and leaned back against the counter, turning around towards the sink to splash himself with some cold water. If there was a mirror in front of him, there was no doubt in his mind that his face would've been at least a deep red, if not purple.

As he walked back to his office a short while later, Derek fanned his face off, taking his time in getting back. Looking at his watch, he realized that he had given Angie nearly twenty minutes to wake up, hoping that it was enough.

Quietly turning the handle on the door, Derek swung the dark brown door open to see Angie working diligently once more at her desk. She glanced at him quickly and then back down at her paperwork, and if Derek didn't know better, he would say he saw the faintest hint of blush on her cheeks.

"_I wonder what I was daydreaming about..." _Angie thought to herself as she tapped her pen against her desk repeatedly, eyes scanning her surroundings. Suddenly they landed on the picture of her and Derek from Africa, the memories of the dream she just had coming back in full force. Angie gasped to herself as her hands flew over her mouth, desperate to try to keep what happened a secret as she internally freaked out.

And from his desk, Derek bided his time, just filling out papers until she decided to speak to him.

"Where were you anyway?" she asked nonchalantly, turning her chair around. "You know it's not very productive for you to be off gallivanting around instead of doing your paperwork, right, doctor?"

Derek raised an eyebrow at her, fully ready to fight back, but instead he got out of his chair and walked towards her slowly, a smile on his face.

"What are you doing, Derek?" she asked with a confused look, growing ever more perplexed by every step closer he took.

Without words, Derek leaned his top half over until he was face level with her, placing a hand under her chin and bringing her lips to his. She seemed a bit stiff at first but sank into it quickly, allowing him to kiss her twice more before he pulled back.

Face now bright pink, Angie brought a hand up to gently touch her lips, a dazed smile now on her face.

"What was that for…?" she asked softly with a smile, gazing up at him.

Derek smiled, crossing his arms as he mentally prepared himself to run like the wind.

"I just wanted to recreate a memory from that one hot night we had in Africa, that's all…" he said gently, smiling as she smiled back at him.

And then, the smile dropped right of her face, instantly replaced with an infuriating stare, her mouth wide open.

"Oh my GOD! Derek Stiles, I will KILL YOU!" she screeched, bolting out the door after him. Her face was burning hot with embarrassment, unable to believe that she had dreamt part of that dream apparently out loud.

To Derek, it was the best falling asleep revenge that he could've ever hoped to get, even if it probably did ruin his chances of asking her out on a date…

…but to Angie, it marked the last time she ever fell asleep around Derek, or anyone else for that matter, ever again.

* * *

**I wasn't the one having the dream, but I've been in a room where someone was having a not so appropriate dream - it, was creepy, but at the same time, SO hilarious.**

**Formality: Derek Stiles and Angie Thompson - "Daydreams"**

**I needed to write some random cute Derek and Angie - I wanted to write cuter, but I'll save that for something else.**

**Alright - hope you enjoyed this - it's time to go work some more! Wee! **


	7. Alcohol

**This chapter, kind of sucks. I find it hilarious because it's based on a somewhat true story of one of the most hilarious moments of my life. Well, my friend's life, but still.**

**After this I will be on a small hiatus updating some request fics - they are nearly done, but its taking a really long time to complete them for some reason. So, you guys know who you are - sorry again :(**

**Anyway, here comes some drunk Caduceus fun. Enjoy! **

* * *

It started simple enough, a small challenge between friends at the bar one Friday night.

Derek Stiles and Tyler Chase sat across from each other at a small table, sipping their beers between laughs as they reminisced about their college days.

"You never were much of a partier, dude…" Tyler said, taking a swig of his drink. "But the times you did, I could always out-drink you."

Derek's eyebrow raised from behind his glass as he set it down on the small round table, crossing his arms.

"Oh? Because from what I can remember, I out-drank you any time that we partied together… I think I even have it on video somewhere!"

Tyler scoffed, batting the air in front of him as he "pshh-ed" Derek's comment several times. Derek just stared on at him, waiting for his long-time friend to prove him wrong.

"Well…?" Derek asked, leaving Tyler to look up at him confused.

"What?"

"You never actually gave a reason as to why I'm wrong, you just told me I was."

"Well you _are_ wrong, Derek… you couldn't out-drink me if the fate of the world depended on it… and that's exactly how it's always been."

Tyler laughed his trademark laugh, leaving Derek to scowl.

"I believe that sounds like a challenge, Dr. Chase…"

Tyler's giggles came to an abrupt halt as he noted Derek's expression – serious, but with a slight playfulness to it.

"You want to go shot for shot right now?"

Derek and Tyler's brown eyes did silent battle with one another, both trying to call the other's bluff.

"Let's do it." Tyler said, reaching across the table to shake Derek's hand.

"I'm going to drink you under the table…" Derek chuckled, laughing as he raised up his hand to signal the waitress.

"Wait man, we need rules…"

The two thought for a minute before Tyler interjected.

"Whoever does more shots wins – but if you puke, you automatically lose."

"Alright, let's go…"

It was true – it had started off as a simple wager, some fun between friends.

However, neither would remember much.

----------

"Ohhh, man… how many… how many, are we at, right now?"

Derek just laughed at Tyler, the blonde already slightly intoxicated. Sitting up straight in his chair with not even a dizzy feeling, Derek answered him with a chuckle.

"Two. We've done, two."

"Just two?"

"Just two."

"Oh… alright. I didn't eat a lot today, that's why this is –"

"Uh-huh, I get it Tyler. Go ahead and make a few more excuses."

Tyler lifted his head up from its previous position on the table, glaring angrily at Derek.

"They are NOT excuses! I'm NOT drunk!"

Derek just laughed, pointing to the next round. Clinking the glasses together and slamming the shots, the men did not so much as flinch as it was washed down.

----------

"D-D-Deeeerrrreeeeeeeekkk…" Tyler said in a sing-song voice, giggling slightly."

"Wha—uh, what's up… Ty… Tyl… Tyler? No, that's not right…"

"No man, you're right! My name IS Tyler, I can't believe you remembered!"

Derek and Tyler were now cracking up at their small table, finding every single thing that happened hilarious.

"Of course I remembered! You're like, my best friend or something I don't know…"

Derek's ramblings were cut short as he looked at the obscene amount of shot glasses littering the table.

"Whoa best friend…" Derek started, his words slurring together. "We drank waaaay too much already…"

Tyler was still laughing, now trying to count the glasses. Leaving out several important numbers on the way from one to ten, he eventually cut his losses.

"Pansy!" Tyler interjected. "We did _NOT_ drink too much… though I thiiiink…"

He beckoned for Derek to come closer, now whispering in his ear.

"_I think... I think, that I think, I lost count of how much alcohol I drank tonight, man!"_

The men started laughing again, unable to control the hysterics.

"I mean, Derek! Derek man… seriously… I lost count like… TEN shots ago!"

The whole time Tyler had been babbling on, Derek had been counting.

"We didn't even have ten shots, Tyler…"

The blonde surgeon paused, a serious look on his face before he started cracking up once more.

"Are you ready to throw in the towel?" Derek asked, still watching as Tyler swayed around, his laughter fueling some very belligerent movements.

"NO WAY MAN – you're going down! And you are not down yet, so down is where you are going… LETTTSS GOOO!"

----------

By the grace of God, Tyler had managed to call Leslie a short time later, drunkenly laughing his way through the entire call. He had never even told her where he and Derek were, instead telling her a story about how the man seated directly next to him looked EXACTLY like Mr. T – which the man overheard and became offended.

Tyler returned from the bathroom to see Derek with his cheek pressed against the wood of their table.

"Heyy… Deerreeek… Derrreekkk!"

The taunts failed to disturb the brunette, much to a very drunken Tyler's dismay. He stood wobbling next to Derek's chair, ready to fall over at any moment.

"Derek.. heyyy… dude, o-open your uh… your, uh…"

"…eyes?" Derek answered groggily.

"Yeah, eyes!" Tyler exclaimed, nearly throwing himself onto the floor in his excitement.

"My eyes _are_ open, ya jerk…"

Tyler leaned his face in within an inch of Derek's to take a closer look.

"Nope… noooope, nuh-uh man… they're cah-LOSED!"

Derek's forehead furrowed as his eyes blinked open to the dull bar light, seeing his very intoxicated friend immediately come into view.

"Oh, hey…!" he said, beginning to laugh. "You were right Taylor, they weren't open!"

Tyler chortled. "Waiiiiit… did you…"

Both men started to laugh in the middle of Tyler's sentence, knowing what had just happened.

"…did, you just call me… _TAYLOR?!_ HAHAH!"

Tyler stumbled over to his chair, throwing his head back in laughter as went to plop into his chair, missing it by an embarrassingly substantial amount. The two paused for a minute before erupting into another round of laughter, this time so obnoxious that nearly the entire bar was staring at them.

"I've… I've gotta go to the bathroom…" Derek blurted out in between chuckles as he shakily rose to his feet. By the time he was standing upright Tyler had grown quiet, now lying sprawled out over the table.

Derek Stiles' world was spinning, which made navigating the narrow aisles of the bar hard. He apologized to many strangers whom he slammed into on the way, finally finding the right door.

----------

"Miss!" Tyler yelled, face still planted on the table as he raised a hand in the air.

The waitress came over to the table with an eyebrow raised, seeing as the man who was summoning her was too drunk to hold his own head up.

"Two more…" he asked, muffled by the table.

"Uh sir, I think you've had enough…" she gently interjected, to which Tyler popped his head up, a bar napkin stuck to his forehead. He gingerly peeled it off, trying to stifle another round of hysterics.

"Noo! No, you can't… We're having a contest cause my f-friend sssucks at drinking, ya sssseee? And we.. we hafta keep going cause I'm gonna take his pansy butt to town!"

The waitress rolled her eyes and obliged, walking back to the bar.

And as Tyler laid his head down on the table, he wondered what was taking Derek so long.

----------

Derek pushed on the swinging door to the bathroom way too hard, sending him plummeting out into the desolate hallway where the bathrooms were located.

"Oh man, I gotta tell Taylor about this…" he said with a laugh, using the wall as leverage to stand.

"_Hello, Derek..."_

Though incredibly drunk, Derek knew exactly who that voice belonged to. His brown eyes widened as he timidly paced forward, hearing that it had come from around the corner.

As his feet carried him forward, Derek stumbled just a bit, falling into the wall as he looked over to see Adam's piercing red eyes staring at him.

"aaaAAAAHHHHHHHCCCK!"

Derek screamed and jumped backward into the wall, sinking down until he was on the ground, shaking.

"What… what are you DOING HERE! You're dead - I cut you up myself!"

"I came back to life, Derek… and now I'm here to tell you something."

Derek gripped both sides of his head and shook it back and forth, refusing to look at the maniac.

"NO! I don't want to hear your… your… _things that you say_!"

Adam chuckled, much to Derek's disbelief. He was way too drunk - this had to be a nightmare.

"Derek, I came here to tell you that the fight against GUILT is not over… it is still out there, and will be spread again. And this time, you are the first target…. it is how life is supposed to be…"

"NO ITS NOT!" Derek yelled, suddenly seeing Tyler pop his head around the corner.

"Dude… you need to stop yelling, you're scaring everyone!"

Derek looked at him quizzically.

"I'm scaring everyone?"

Tyler looked down, beginning to laugh.

"Well, just me, but still… what's going on?!"

Derek stumbled to his feet, pointing at an arbitrary place about three feet to the left of where he saw Adam.

"Tyler, its _ADAM!_ He's alive!"

Tyler's eyes popped wide open and he pulled his hands into kung-fu position, looking back and forth.

"Where?! WHERE, DEREK?!"

"No… no, no Tyler, I got it… I have to talk to him myself!"

"Beh.. whatever." he said, suddenly disinterested.

"Why do you dismiss fate, Derek…?" Adam hissed, catching the surgeon's attention once more.

Back outside, Tyler tiredly rubbed his face as he stumbled back to the table, seeing Leslie seated there with her arms crossed.

"LEEESSSSLIIEEEEEE!" Tyler screeched, his brown eyes wide open and gleaming. She laughed at him momentarily as he tried to walk toward her, stumbling and falling into the chair next to her.

"What took you so long?!"

Leslie's eyes narrowed at her drunken fiancé.

"I would've been here sooner had you told me where you _were_…"

Tyler, completely oblivious to her anger, just kept talking.

"Derek's over there talking to Adam… he came back to life, isn't that creeeeepy?!"

Leslie raised an eyebrow in response to Tyler's comment, just as a slightly bed-headed Mrs. Stiles walked in the front door, immediately spotting Leslie with one of the culprits. She immediately walked over to the two, trying to stifle a giggle when Tyler started waving wildly at her.

"Wait a second…" Angie started, looking at Leslie inquisitively while Tyler hung over her shoulder. "Why… is there only one here… where's mine?"

Leslie crooked a thumb towards the back, raising her eyebrow once more.

"Tyler says he's having a conversation with Adam in the back."

Angie's tired green eyes popped wide open.

"_Adam?!"_ she exclaimed, beginning to laugh confusedly.

"….s'not funny Angieee… coming back to life is serious." Tyler said, his face smashed into Leslie's shoulder.

"Shut up, Tyler!" both women chimed at the same time, his fiancée giving him a light slap to the back of the head.

"Alright, I'll be back…" Angie said, timidly walking toward the back of the bar.

"No… no, it's not fate!" Derek yelled, walking towards Adam.

"Yes it is Derek… and you're a part of it."

Derek's eyes narrowed into little slits, pacing toward Adam quickly.

"Choke on your LIEEEESSS!" Derek yelled, attaching his hands around Adam's neck. He squeezed as hard as he possibly could and shook, growling slightly.

"DEREK!"

Derek paused from strangling and turned his head to the side to see a very annoyed Angie with her hands on her hips.

"Hang on Angie… I'm saving the world from Adam's lies!" he yelled, returning to strangulation.

"Derek Stiles, will you look at me?!" she exclaimed, taking a step towards him.

He turned his attention towards his wife again, raising an eyebrow.

"Derek… you're strangling, a _ficus_."

"No Angie – its Adam, he's back!"

Angie giggled slightly, picking a leaf off the plant and waving it in her husband's face.

"Ficus."

Derek looked at the plant, dropping his hands from it immediately as he turned to face his wife.

"_Can I tell you a secret...?"_ Derek whispered, beckoning for Angie to come closer.

Angie winced at the alcohol on his breath before nodding and coming closer.

"_Honey... I'm a little drunk._" he whispered, feeling Angie's arms link around him and help him towards the exit.

"I know, Derek…"

"But, what about… what about…?"

"Adam?" Angie asked.

Derek smiled, ruffling her hair. "You always know, Angie… and, you're _so pretty…_"

"Okay Derek, alright…" she giggled, prying her husband's lips from the side of her face. "Let's go home."

Tyler and Leslie were standing by the exit to the bar waiting to make sure Angie and Derek left alright, the blonde surgeon with a giant grin on his face.

"We're tied, Derek!" he yelled as Angie walked Derek closer to him. "But, don't worry, cause I'm gonna win!"

Reaching to his left, Tyler swiped a drink from a random stranger and downed it, earning an annoyed stare from the woman. He held up the empty glass triumphantly before placing it back on the table.

"NOOO!" Derek yelled disappointedly.

Suddenly, Tyler turned to the side and quickly puked in the garbage can next to the door. Derek began to laugh uncontrollably as both Angie and Leslie winced. As the blonde lifted his head up miserably, he stared at Derek who had nothing but a smile on his face.

"Oh man, I SO win! You puked! You suck forever…! I win!"

Tyler smiled, holding up his hands in defeat.

"I think I won a long time ago when I caught you screaming at a ficus." Tyler slurred, watching Derek's expression turned scared as he looked back over his shoulder.

"Come on, honey…" Angie said, ushering her husband towards the exit after their best friends.

It was true – it had started out with a friendly wager…

…and ended with screaming at inanimate objects.

But the question is – what good bets don't?

* * *

**Holy crap, a friend of mine got drunk and yelled at a houseplant. Best thing I've ever seen in my life.**

**Derek Stiles and Adam - Alcohol.**

**Even though this story had more Tyler in it, I found it hard to write a story where Adam and Derek go to the bar and get trashed... it was just weird.**

**Anyway, hope you liked it anyway :D **


	8. Sacrifice

**This is just a little cute drabble I thought up after playing with the crack pairing generator again - may i remind you that every chapter in this story has to do with the generator... though I tend to pay extra attention to the Derek and Angie ones :D**

**Anyway, its random, but I hope you like it all the same!**

* * *

"_I love you, Angie..."_

The words haunted her everywhere she went, pulling her from even the most important of thoughts.

"_I really do... I love you so much."_

Standing in the kitchen of Derek's apartment, Angie Thompson closed her eyes, reliving the sequence of events in her mind. In over a year of knowing him, Angie had not once seen Derek drink until that night, waking up at one in the morning to go get him without so much as a complaint.

After all, she never was bothered doing things for the people she loved.

More importantly - the_man_ she loved…

Though when Angie arrived at the Fifth Street Bar to bring her doctor home, there was something that she was not expecting to hear.

"_I love you..."_

He had been barely standing, supported only by her as she walked him out to her car. He had stopped her on the sidewalk, turning her body toward him as he looked her in the eyes and drunkenly poured out his innermost feelings.

And her response?

"_Come on Derek – let's get you home..."_

She smiled every time the memory of hours before graced her thoughts, finally allowing herself to realize that it had been something that she wanted to hear for a long time…

…though she knew she couldn't trust it. That it was purely the alcohol speaking.

Now standing above his sleeping form in his bedroom, Angie felt tears gather in her eyes, forcing her to think about something else before they fell. Sure it would be amazing if he meant what he said…

…but she really didn't think he did.

Her fingers brushed his cheek gently, noting that he was out cold as he did not so much as stir with her touch. If he had said it while sober she would've jumped into his arms and kissed him, like so many of her daydreams ended with. But instead she was standing over his bed with a heart full of things to say to him that would most likely have to stay inside.

Too upset and tired to drive home, Angie instead opted for Derek's couch, losing the battle with her tears as they poured out until the moment she fell asleep.

----------

"Angie…"

Angie heard her name being called, but refused to open her eyes just yet.

"Angie… hey…"

Blinking her green eyes open slightly, the first sight the blonde nurse was greeted with was that of her doctor, smiling sleepily at her, his face just inches away from hers. He rested his face on the side of the couch, watching her as she rubbed her eyes and sat up on the couch. Derek stood up and sat next to her, growing concerned as he saw a positively miserable look on her face, accompanied with tear stains on her cheeks.

"Ang… are you okay?" Derek asked gently, bringing a hand up which he placed on her shoulder.

She quickly moved out of his grasp and onto her feet, trying as best as she could to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah, I'm fine – I'm sorry I fell asleep, I was just too tired to drive home last night…"

"Well I guess that explains how I got home then…" Derek said, a light chuckle escaping him. "I can't thank you enough – I'm so sorry I called so late…"

Angie, back still to him, just nodded, shrugging it off.

"No problem – I'd rather wake up and come get you to make sure you got home safe then let you try to make it home alone…"

Derek watched with a sad expression as Angie still refused to look at him, her hands now fidgeting with one another.

"I don't know exactly how to thank you for that – I really don't remember a thing that happened yesterday…"

Angie's eyes immediately closed. She knew it – he had no idea what he said to her… it was just drunk talk.

At that moment she rose quickly to her feet, walking over to pull on her coat and shoes as Derek watched her with concern.

"Hey… Hey!"

His pleads to get her to pay attention were met with silence as she fumbled with the zipper on her coat, tears now rolling down her face as she hid from him.

"Angie…!"

Before she could get out the door he was at her side and whirled her around to face him. For the first time her eyes locked directly with his, watching as his expression turned to that of pure sadness.

"Oh, Angie… I'm so sorry…" he said, immediately trying to pull her into a hug. She wrestled out of it gently and stood back, looking at the floor as her hand reached out to find the doorknob.

"I'm… glad you're okay… Goodbye, Derek."

"Angie, wait!"

Angie was pulled from the hallway back into Derek's apartment by her arm, now facing the brown-haired surgeon who was enormously concerned about her.

"Will you please tell me what is going on?" he pleaded, met once again with nothing but silence, her stare locked with the ground.

She moved again to leave, this time not stopped. Instead, Derek rushed to pull on his own jacket and shoes, chasing her out the door and down the stairs of his apartment building.

"Angie… Angie, WAIT!"

Tears were flowing freely now, clouding her vision as she tried her best to make it to her car without him being able to catch up. No longer hearing footsteps behind her as she charged out the front door of the complex, Angie simply took a minute while standing on the sidewalk to take a big breath. It was that moment she paused which allowed Derek to catch up to her, much to her dismay.

Gently spinning her around to look at him again, Derek's eyes bored into Angie's miserable face compassionately, but she still refused to make eye contact with him, embarrassed by the fact that she was crying over something so… stupid.

"Angie… _please_ look at me…"

With his pleading, she slowly moved her head to face him, now looking into his eyes as she continued to feel tears roll down her cheeks.

"I am so sorry, for last night… for waking you up, for anything I said or did to make you so upset… I never want for that to happen… I just, want to know what I did…"

Angie's gaze suddenly turned upset, stepping back from his hold.

"It doesn't matter Derek – you don't even remember it! It's stupid and it just… doesn't matter…" she exclaimed, now practically yelling at him.

Derek just looked on at her, his forehead now furrowed.

"Yes it does matter, Angie… if something I did hurt you in any way, then it matters a hell of a lot."

"No… no, it just doesn't… okay? It's just me being so unbe_lievably_ stupid and naïve. My fault, not yours…"

Fumbling around in her purse, Angie tried to find her keys through her tear-rimmed eyes, walking away from Derek in the process.

"Angie!" Derek shouted, running around until he was in front of her. She tried to move away from him as she searched for her keys, walking backwards until she stepped off the sidewalk, standing in a vacant parallel parking spot.

"Why are you doing this? Why won't you just talk to me!" he exclaimed, his face full of confusion as he stared on at her, her attention still turned toward finding her keys. Upon his question to her she dropped her hands to her side, looking up miserably at him once more.

"Because Derek! You don't get it, and it's not like you would care about what happened anyway!" she yelled, immediately turning her attention back to her purse.

Derek stepped towards her, watching as she backed up a few steps at his approach.

"If I didn't care Angie, would I have chased you out of my apartment hungover trying to apologize for whatever it is that I did?" he shot back, leaving her to scoff.

"You can chase me around all you want Derek… it's not going to undo what you did to me last night!"

This stopped the brunette in his tracks, watching helplessly as Angie's tears turned into sobs, the effort to find her keys failing.

"Angie…" Derek started softly, no longer raising his voice. "I was afraid when I saw you this morning that I could've acted like a jerk last night, and whatever happened, know that I never meant to hurt you… but I can't fix what happened unless I know what I said!"

"You can't fix it either way!" Angie yelled back, now sobbing harder. "You can't fix the fact that you told me you loved me!"

Derek's eyes shot wide open upon her confession to him, averting his gaze to the side as he ran it through his brain. Just as she told him that her fingers located the keys in the bottom of her purse, unlocking her car that was parked just across the street from where they were standing.

"Angie…" he finally said softly, watching as she backed up to walk to her car.

"Just do us both a favor, and pretend like it never happened… it was all a lie anyway…"

"Why did that hurt you so badly?" he asked, stepping towards her once more. She backed up again, wiping her eyes.

"Why did that hurt me?!" she exclaimed, voice now loud again. "Why did it hurt to have someone tell me they love me and let me get my hopes up, only to realize the next morning they had no idea what happened? That, something so serious to me was obviously just a big joke to you?!"

"Okay, now you're not being fair…" he rebutted, his voice raising as well. "I never said it was a joke, I just didn't remember…"

"Of course you didn't remember Derek!" she yelled, watching as his gaze broke with hers.

Derek's brown eyes noticed a speeding SUV from way down the street which had sped through a red light, now coming straight towards where Angie was standing in the street.

"Of course you don't remember… but you know what? I DO! I remember you pouring out all these feelings and thinking to myself how long I've been waiting to hear you say them…"

"Angie…" he warned, watching as the SUV came even closer. He stepped towards her again, to which she backed up.

"…only to have my heart broken when I find out you have no idea what you even said… so, thanks Derek…!"

"ANGIE!" he yelled, now trying to get her attention. Another pace towards her was met with her backing away from him again, now directly in the line of the SUV - it was fast approaching and had no intention of swaying from its path.

"Just leave me ALONE!" she screamed, her sobs ringing through the night air again as she whipped around and began to walk towards her car, green eyes catching an approaching light from the side of her…

…when suddenly, she was shoved forcefully forward into the empty lane of traffic, hearing squealing tires from just behind her as she fell to the ground.

Angie spun around quickly, frozen in shock as her eyes registered the sight in front of her.

Derek was standing where she had previously been, torso just _inches_ away from the speeding SUV, which had thankfully stopped just in time. He glared angrily at the driver through the windshield, before gingerly stepping to the side and allowing the car to pass. He watched it go for a brief moment before turning to Angie, where he knelt down next to her, her body shaking in between sobs.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, helping her to her feet and onto the sidewalk where he checked her over.

"I'm fine…" she replied gently, looking up appreciatively into his eyes, which were now filled with unfallen tears.

"You, saved my life…" she whispered to him gently, wiping a tear away as it fell down his cheek. "Why would you do that after I was so awful to you?"

Derek paused, placing his hand over hers, which still rested on his cheek.

"Because you were never awful to me – I would be upset too if I were you…"

Angie dropped her gaze to the ground, allowing a fresh set of tears to fall before her chin was lifted, now looking Derek in the eyes.

"But just because I don't remember saying it, doesn't mean that I didn't mean it…"

Angie's gaze turned confused as she looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

Her question was met with a nervous but passionate kiss, which she immediately sank into as she was pulled into his arms. After a short while they broke apart, trading a dazed but happy stare with each other.

"I was so stupid for hurting you Angie…" he started, picking her chin up to catch her attention once more.

"But you have to know how much I honestly do love you…"

As Derek wrapped her in a tight hug, all Angie could do was sigh happily, being held in the arms of the man she loved – the one who had nearly sacrificed his life to save her.

"I love you too…" she whispered into his ear, feeling him hug her tighter.

And just like it had the first time, his "I love you" stuck in her mind, following her everywhere she went…

…though this one she knew, was for real.

* * *

**Derek Stiles and Angie Thompson - "Sacrifice" **

**Damn I love these two... I have been going through such a DxA withdrawl lately and it SUCKS.**

**Anyway, see you guys later! **


	9. Women

**Alrighty - I'm back!**

**I know this is on the poll list of things that people want to see next, but I couldn't help updating it. Just so everyone knows I am still actively working on FCL and Hostage, but they are both important chapters so its taking me awhile. I is sorry :(**

**But anyway, I had a stressful day today, so I figured I would try to write something funny. We all have crap days, and I hope that this will make you laugh like it did me. If it doesn't, then woops. :D**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

Sidney Kasal needed woman advice.

Straightening his suit and trying to contain his nerves, he stepped off the elevator and was faced with a choice – go left and talk to the self-proclaimed 'ladies man', Tyler Chase, or go right and talk to the shy Derek Stiles.

As Sidney immediately hurried to the right, he wondered why he had even taken a second thought.

"Come in…!"

This was the response met with the knock Sidney gave to Derek's door, swinging it open to see the brunette sitting at his desk with a broad smile.

"Good morning Chief – how are you doing?"

Sidney paused – he wanted to tell him what was up, but the words were stuck.

"Is, everything okay, sir?" he asked, crossing his legs so his right ankle rested on his left knee, hands clasped in front of him.

"Yes, everything is fine Derek… I just came here because, I uh… need…_someadviceonsomethingimportant._"

Derek took a minute to think about what Sidney had just said, wondering why he was so nervous…

…unless…

"Pardon me for asking, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong…" Derek said, his trademark grin growing back onto his face. "But, this wouldn't have to do anything with that date you have this weekend, would it?"

Sidney's eyes widened. "How did you know about that?!"

Derek raised both eyebrows. "You don't know how fast news like that spreads around here, do you?"

Sidney sighed, walking into the office and sitting down on the couch. "I guess you're right… the gossip is never about me though, so I never realized."

"I understand." Derek said with a reassuring nod.

"You mean of all people that you could go to for advice…" Tyler started, making himself known from his previous hiding place behind the door. Derek laughed as Sidney shot nearly three feet out of his seat in surprise, though Tyler was perfectly serious.

"Tyler Chase, what the hell are you do—"

"Trying to scare Angie, but that's beside the point. You mean to tell me you need advice on the ladies, and the first person you come to is Derek?! What's _that_ about?!" he said with a chuckle.

"What do you mean 'what's that about'?!" Derek inquired, his expression slightly offended.

"Dear God…" Sidney muttered, covering his face with his hand.

Tyler looked at Derek. "What? Oh are you serious? Come on… You had a crush on Angie for-EVER and look what happened!"

Derek's expression turned bewildered as he threw his hands up in the air.

"What do you mean 'look what happened'?! I MARRIED her! She's downstairs nursing our baby!"

"Yeah, whatever… still took you forever to pull the trigger."

"Better than proposing to my girlfriend in a _parking LOT_!" Derek snapped back, beginning to laugh as Tyler took offense.

"Okay ladies! That's enough!" Sidney said, bringing the conversation to a halt. "I just need some quick advice, and this is hard enough as it is… so, help me so that I can get out of here with a little bit of dignity."

Tyler sat down in Angie's office chair, making a face at Derek right before Sidney started talking.

"I'm okay on the actual date part – I'm taking her to a nice restaurant and then we're going to the opening of the new art museum with the VIP passes that the owner gave me."

"Sounds nice…" Derek said, Tyler nodding. "So, what's the problem?"

Sidney sighed – this was obviously hard for him.

"I wanted to write her an email letting her know how forward I was looking to this weekend, but I sat down and got stumped – it's been a long time since I wrote a love letter, you know?"

"Oh man, have you come to the right place…" Tyler said with a smile, hearing Derek laugh. "Here." he said, tossing a pad of paper to Sidney from Angie's desk, handing him a pen from his own pocket.

"Between us, we've been with the same woman for 11 years." Tyler said, rising to his feet and beginning to pace around the office slowly. With his back to the door he never noticed Angie walk in and stand in the doorway, watching him with a mischievous smile.

"I think Derek should start off – he's written his share of love letters…" Tyler finally said, back still to the door.

"How do you know that?" Derek asked.

"Just cause Angie seems like the type that would force you to… oh, DAMMIT!"

Tyler's sentence was cut short when Angie's foot met his behind, booting him onto the floor with a painful grunt.

Derek and Sidney were in hysterics as the blonde surgeon laid on the floor groaning and holding his posterior.

"How's our cranky pants?" Derek asked Angie, receiving a smile.

"Happy, and _finally_ sleeping… and after this, mommy is happy now too!" she chirped, walking back out of their office.

"Okay, okay, shut up…" Tyler said, pulling himself up and onto the couch. "Let's get started here."

"What do you want to say, Sidney?" Derek asked, still laughing slightly.

"Just that I'm really looking forward to finally being able to take her out, that she's an incredible woman and that I literally can't wait to see her…"

Derek and Tyler exchanged a glance.

"Okay I don't mean this in a bad way, but that sucks." Tyler said, Derek sending a confused glare.

"What's wrong with it?" Derek asked. "I thought it was fine just like that…"

"That's fine if you're dating, but not for a first date. You really gotta let her know that you're in charge, that you're not a pansy pushover. Here, start with this…"

Tyler ran a hand through his hair before a thought popped into his mind. He snapped his fingers and walked over, sitting down next to Sidney.

"What's shakin', sweet thang…" he started, just as Derek nearly collapsed out of his chair laughing. The brunette surgeon was promptly told to shut up as Tyler continued.

"I hope you're ready for a good time this weekend, 'cause I'm going to rock your world and make you forget about every other man you've ever laid eyes on…"

Sidney wrote Tyler's thoughts down reluctantly – who was he to turn down free help?

Derek was still in hysterics at his desk, his laughter muffled by his arm, which his face was buried into.

"Are you sure that women want to be talked to like that?" Sidney asked, Tyler nodding.

"Leslie loves when I'm confident and take charge…!"

"Didn't she slap you last time you called her 'sweet thang'?" Derek asked between chuckles, wiping his eyes.

"No, she slapped me because after I called her that I grabbed her ass." Tyler said, leaving Derek to laugh again.

Just then Leslie and Angie walked through the door in search of their respective husbands.

"I knew when I saw this earlier that something had to be up, so spill the beans." Angie said, Leslie nodding along, hand on her very pregnant stomach.

"We're helping Sidney write a love letter for his date!" Tyler said proudly. Leslie glared at him and Angie looked at Derek, who just shrugged and began to laugh again.

The girls traded glances with one another, both with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you want this one or should I take it?" Leslie asked Angie, the blonde turning towards Sidney.

"Who, uh… "helped" you more…?" she asked, watching as Sidney pointed toward Tyler.

Leslie sighed, holding out a hand to Sidney as Angie walked towards Derek and plopped herself in his lap happily.

Sidney gave Leslie the paper they had been working on, and the green-haired nurse nearly collapsed with laughter.

"Oh, dear GOD… Sidney, come up to your office with me right now so we can burn this!" she said, tossing the pad toward Angie who began to crack up upon reading it, launching Derek into another round of laughter.

"What?! What's wrong with that?! That letter got me a date with the entire lacrosse team in college!"

"Tyler, I slapped you last time you called me 'sweet thang'… do you not remember?" Leslie asked, Sidney gladly following her out the door.

"I KNEW IT!" Derek yelled, pointing and laughing at Tyler.

"You know what, next time you want to pick up a chick, don't come to me!" Tyler exclaimed to Derek, rising to his feet and laughing.

"I'm… MARRIED!" he exclaimed, watching as Tyler just shrugged at him and laughed.

"…wanna play blindfolded Jenga?" the blonde asked, watching as Derek nodded eagerly and Angie sighed.

----------

"Okay Sidney, first of all, I apologize. Second, whenever you need help with this stuff, please come to Angie or I first next time… okay?"

"Deal." Sidney said with a laugh.

"Now, what do you want to say to her?" Leslie asked, sitting down at Sidney's desk ready to type.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really looking forward to finally being able to take her out, that she's an incredible woman and that I literally can't wait to see her this weekend…"

"AwwWWWW!" Leslie shrieked with a giggle. "What's wrong with that?! That's ADORABLE!"

"…really?" Sidney asked surprised.

"Yes Director Kasal – that's perfect. It's short and sweet, and has no traces of Tyler anywhere in it." she said, both of them laughing.

"Okay Leslie, thank you very much for your help – I'll let you know how it turns out."

"Oh good!" she chirped, waddling over towards the door to leave.

"Oh, Leslie, just one more question…" Sidney said, stopping the nurse who turned back to face him.

"How did Tyler get you to date him? As in, what finally won you over."

Leslie stopped, looking over at the wall to her left as she thought.

"I… don't know." she said with a slight surprised inflection and a giggle. Sidney returned the laugh and Leslie closed the door behind her.

Walking back toward the elevator, Leslie smiled to herself – she had a whole box of romantic love letters from Tyler that she had never shared with anyone, and never would.

His sweet side was for her and her alone.

And besides – it was funnier this way.

* * *

**Leslie Sears and Sidney Kasal -- "Women"**

**I see Tyler as the biggest goofball, and that's why I love writing him. I think my next task may be to do a serious Tyler chapter, though goofy Tyler is a lot more hilarious... especially when he's a ninja :D**


	10. Toiletpaper

**Dear ffnet users:**

**You are witnessing a MILESTONE in TCGeek's writing.**

**This is UNDER 1000 WORDS!!!!!**

**(i'm so happy)**

**Anyway, for anyone that cares, the next chapters of Hostage and FCL are well underway.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

In his college days Derek was a slight nerd.

However for being such a nerd, he had such crazy stories that those he shared them with could scarcely believe they were even true. They were real memories of his past, and he had one person to thank for that – Tyler Chase.

Though a slew of things had happened in ten years for Derek like landing his dream job, a beautiful wife and becoming a father, but in those years he found himself with the same best friend once more – and the crazy stories had started all over again.

After a night where a drink-off had gotten Derek so drunk he ended up screaming at a plant in a crowded bar, he decided that maybe it was best to lay low for awhile – enjoy spending time at home with his family. And just like every other time he had decided this, Tyler approached him again with some sort of crazy idea that he found it hard to pass up.

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Derek asked, a roll of toilet paper in his left hand. "I mean, what if we get caught?"

"That's the best part dude – my parents say that these people are never home… that they work all the time."

"What do they do?" Derek asked, looking up at the mansion that they were standing in front of. "They look like they're filthy rich."

Tyler just shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. All my mom said was that this was the fifth time their son has backed into and destroyed their mailbox, and they keep refusing to pay for it. So, we're here to teach those jerks a lesson!"

Now, in all the crazy stories they had together, neither had even toilet papered a house of a complete stranger.

Why they had waited until they were nearly thirty to do it, neither would ever really know.

Tyler ran off and away from Derek, launching the roll up and into the giant tree in the front yard, giggling like a small child.

And back on the sidewalk Derek just looked on, seemingly unable to move. Yes, Tyler's parents were some of the sweetest people he had ever met and they didn't deserve to have their stuff destroyed – but was_toiletpapering_ a house really going to do anything?

Snapping Derek out of his train of thought was an egg that exploded at his feet. He looked up to see Tyler standing there with a serious look on his face.

"If you don't get going the next one's going in your face!" he hissed, holding out an egg for Derek.

The brown-haired man stared his best friend in the eyes before giving in, pacing forward, and taking the egg.

"That's the spirit – let's go!" Tyler said, running off again.

Shortly after starting Derek found it to be quite a lot more fun than he previously thought it might be, laughing and smiling just like old times.

When the surgeons were finally out of toilet paper they stood back and looked at their creation with impressed faces. They had the giant two story mansion completely covered – and it only cost them nearly seventy dollars to do so.

"Wait!" Tyler said, turning around and picking up his previously abandoned carton of eggs. "We've gotta finish it off!" he said, running toward the front door.

With an excited smile Derek ran off with Tyler, egg in his grasp.

"On three… you ready?" Tyler whispered, looking at Derek with a smile who returned it.

"I'm ready! One… two… THREE!"

Derek and Tyler's faces switched from glee to complete shock as the front door swung open and a woman stepped out, their two eggs hitting her and breaking open on her nightgown. The surgeons froze, exchanging a glance with each other as the woman looked down at the mess on herself, and then back out at the toilet paper littering her front yard and house.

"Ooh, you are SO lucky my husband isn't home to see th—"

The woman's angry rant was cut off abruptly as she locked eyes with Derek, who immediately felt like throwing up.

"What…? Dude, what's going on?!" Tyler whispered, but received no reply.

The woman looked at the two and crossed her arms with a small chuckle. "Good to see that you have so much extra time on your hands, Derek."

Tyler whipped his head, looking back and forth between the two. "You KNOW her?!"

Derek just nodded, pursing his lips, an unbelieving expression on his face as he stared forward.

"Clean this up and we'll pretend nothing ever happened, alright? And please Derek – find something more productive to do with your spare time… oh, and tell your wife I said hi."

Derek just sighed and nodded, his lips still pursed.

"Will you tell me what the hell is going on?!" Tyler exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

Derek turned slowly to look at him, noting that the woman in the front doorway was giggling.

"Do me a favor, would you Ty?" he asked, the blonde nodding.

"Next time you decide to do something stupid like this, make sure you do a better background check." he whispered, walking away to go start cleaning up.

And with a giggle and a small shake of her head, Mary Fulton walked back inside her house to go watch the clean-up over a cup of coffee.

* * *

**Hahah, sucks to be you Derek. Mary's going to call Angie and tattle :D**

**Derek Stiles and Mary Fulton -- Toiletpaper.**

**This generator is too much fun!**

**See you later! **


	11. Antibiotic Gel

**First of all, on the off chance you HAVEN'T heard yet, yes, there is a new Trauma Center coming out for the DS - Under the Knife 2. Its on Atlus's official website, so go check it out!**

**(If this one doesn't have Derek and Angie getting together so help me God...)**

**Anyway, back to the story.  
**

**This chapter has got to be the STUPIDEST thing I've EVER written... and that says a lot.**

**Be forewarned - there is hardly any plot at all here. I have no idea where this idea came from, but it was inspired by a certain song from the early 80's (I believe), which will be revealed somewhere in the story. Half of the things in this chapter are no plausible at all and I know that, so bear with me. Oh, and please forgive me for this horrible horrible random crappy story. :D**

**Um... enjoy.**

* * *

"Oh, Nurse Th--… Stiles. There you are."

With a smile, Angie looked up from the newspaper she was reading at Sidney Kasal, who was standing in the doorway to her office.

"You're never going to get used to the name change, are you?" she asked, eliciting a small smile from Sidney.

"I'm getting there…" he replied, sticking his hands into his pockets. "I'm better than I used to be."

Angie giggled, thinking of after her and Derek had first tied the knot. Sidney had been so confused on what to call her, he simply called her "Angie" for months.

"Today is the first day of Nurse Se--… Chase's maternity leave, of which I'm sure you're aware…" he continued, correcting himself again as Angie nodded.

"Well, Dr. Chase was just scheduled for an appendectomy and he needs an assistant… can you be ready for surgery in four hours?"

Angie leaned back in her chair, realizing that it was the first time she had ever been with Tyler in surgery.

"Not a problem. Just come get me for the briefing." she replied, smiling all the way.

"Great, I'll let him know. See you then."

"Bye!" Angie replied as Sidney walked from the room, bumping into Derek on his way out. The gentlemen excused themselves and Derek walked into his office, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey you." he quipped with a smile, leaning over to kiss Angie's cheek before retreating to their couch. He plopped down and grabbed the section of the newspaper she was already finished with, opening it up and giving it a once-over.

"Oh, sweet! You didn't do the crossword this week!" he exclaimed, grabbing a pen out of his front pocket. Angie had this habit of getting to the crossword before him every week, leaving him quite upset.

Angie spun around in her chair to face him, propping her feet up on her desk with a smile.

"No, I did it – just, not this one…" she said with a smile, just as a knock was heard on their door – one of a very urgent nature.

"Yeah…?" Derek shouted, never taking his eyes off the paper.

The person on the other side of the door twisted the knob furiously and threw the door open, slamming against the back wall. Not surprisingly, Tyler Chase was now standing in their doorway, angry pout on his lips, and a newspaper crunched in his fist. Both Angie and Derek looked on at him, waiting to see what he was there to yell about, though Angie already knew.

Eyes narrowed, Tyler gripped the now crumpled paper in his fist, raising it up and shaking it furiously at the two of them.

"Which one of you guys… did, MY crossword…?" he snarled, raising both of his eyebrows in question.

Unable to help himself Derek let out a small chortle, quickly covering his mouth with his hand. Still chuckling quietly Derek watched as Angie bit her lip, scanning over her own paper to avoid Tyler's stare.

"Well?!" Tyler shouted again, wildly waving his 'tainted' paper in the air threateningly.

"Ugh, fine – it was me!" Angie admitted, only fueling Derek's laughter as Tyler threw a fit in the doorway.

"Duuudeee… Angie! I have to do the crossword before surgery – it's one of my rituals!" he complained, throwing the paper in his hand in the trash. "…and you shouldn't be one to ruin that – you ARE assisting me today…"

"Alright, geez…" she replied, reaching behind her. She ripped the paper out of Derek's hands and leaned forward, handing it to Tyler with a smile.

"Hey!" Derek whined, throwing his hands up in the air. "Come on Ang…!"

"You did the right thing Angie… except for you know, the part where you did my crossword in the first place…" Tyler said, sly smile crossing his lips. "Later."

And with that, the blonde retreated from their office, leaving Derek to glare at Angie unhappily. Avoiding his stare at first, eventually Angie looked over at him, dropping her paper with a big sigh.

"Whaaaat?!" she groaned. "You think I'm going to interrupt his 'ritual' on the day _I_ have to assist him?"

At her acclamation Derek's eyes shot open and he nearly fell off the couch laughing, holding his sides and writhing around.

"What is so funny?!" she shrieked, unable to resist laughing with him, though she was still unsure as to what had started his hysterics.

"YOU'RE… yo—hahAHA… You're… _ohshit_… going to assist TYLER?! HAHAAA!"

Angie just continued to stare at Derek blankly.

"Are you going to settle down and tell me what the heck you're talking about?" she asked, slightly irritated now.

"O-ho ho…" Derek chuckled, wiping his eyes as he settled down. "Oh man, this is like the best thing… _ever_."

Fed up and impatient, Angie stood from her chair and walked over to Derek, pinching him really hard in his upper arm.

"…OW!" he yelped, rubbing the site. "What the heck was that for?!"

"Will you tell me what on Earth is so funny?" she asked, plopping down next to him.

Derek smiled, readjusting himself comfortably on the couch. He slipped an arm around her shoulders and chuckled once more, before beginning.

"You've never seen Tyler in surgery… have you?"

Angie shook her head.

"Well, he is… a very… superstitious surgeon, you might say."

"What do you mean superstitious?"

"Don't get me wrong, he does amazing work… he's calm and collected when the situation warrants him to be. But, when it's a routine procedure…" he continued, beginning to laugh again. "…when it's a routine procedure, he has a lot of those little 'rituals' you just saw. He likes to have a good time while he's operating."

"Wait…" Angie said, cutting him off. "What do you mean he 'likes to have a good time'?"

Derek just smiled in return, scratching the back of his head.

"I'm going to let you find out for yourself firsthand." he replied bluntly, annoying her further.

"Derek…!"

"Angie, just relax… everything will go fine, just… try not to flip out on him, alright?" he pleaded, ruffling her hair gently as he rose to his feet and walked toward the door.

"Don't worry Ang, really… you'll be alright. Just, humor him, okay please?"

Angie sighed, her worry growing. It was at that time, she had a feeling she was in over her head.

--

Closing the door to the boardroom behind her gently, Angie walked forward and took a seat opposite of the chief, who just nodded her way.

A few minutes passed and Tyler was still not in the briefing room, leaving Angie to check her watch suspiciously. It was 3:02 now, and the surgeon was late. Funny thing about it though, was that Sidney really didn't seem to care – at all.

Just as she was about to speak up, Tyler walked in the room, still talking on the phone.

"Okay, thanks sweetie – I love you…!" he said. "Talk to you after!"

Being wished good luck by Leslie was another routine of Tyler's. Since his extremely pregnant wife could not be there to do it in person they had done it over phone call, leaving Tyler to be slightly later than usual. Ending the call, Tyler sat down at the table next to Angie, giving her a nudge and a smile.

"Hey operatin' buddy…" he said, plopping the newspaper from earlier down on the table. In one hand he held a pen, trying to finish the crossword – but in the other he held his Blackberry, looking up the answers.

"You know using your Blackberry is cheating, right?" Angie asked quietly.

Tyler didn't pick up his head after her comment, instead motioning to Sidney. "Tell her, chief."

Sidney sighed, rolling his eyes and crossing his hands on the table. "Dr. Chase will not start surgery until he finishes the day's crossword puzzle, no matter how much cheating it entails. And usually, it is quite a vicious amount."

Angie giggled, unable to believe his actions were actually flying. "Well if it's going to be that way, why don't you just use the one I did earlier today?"

Tyler laughed. "Yeah, can't. I'll cheat, but I've gotta put legwork into it."

"Alright, I'm going to begin the briefing…" Sidney said, collecting his papers. "Today's patient is a 45 year old male with an appendix on the verge of bursting. It's a pretty routine procedure, except of course you have to work fast to prevent the worst from happening."

"Right, right…" Tyler said, nose still buried in the puzzle. "Appendectomy, got it."

Angie raised an eyebrow to Sidney, who just shrugged his shoulders back at her, shaking his head. He leaned back in his chair, checking his watch while she sat speechless, unable to believe the difference in professionalism between Tyler and Derek's pre-op meetings.

"…how many more do you have, Chase?" Sidney asked.

"Just one. Three letter word for 'intercourse'."

Angie and Sidney both stared at each other, turning their shocked expressions to Tyler shortly after.

"…Are you… serious?" Sidney asked, seeing Tyler look up at him inquisitively. They resumed their staring match for a few seconds – Sidney with one eyebrow raised, Tyler with confusion.

And then suddenly, Tyler's expression dropped.

"Let's go operate…" he said shamefully, scratching in the last answer before removing himself from the table. Angie just shook her head and followed him, hoping that this was the last of the weird things he did.

--

Used to suiting up quickly, Angie was ready for surgery before Tyler had even washed up. Hands held up in the air she glared at him from behind her mask as he walked in, a giant smile on his face.

"Alright Ang, up top!" he said, raising his hand for a high five.

The blonde just stared at him blankly. "Tyler, I'm sterile…"

With a laugh, Tyler stayed put, his hand still raised in the air. "Sorry, it's a routine – I gotta have high fives from everyone on staff for good luck!"

Angie sighed, pausing before she slapped him high five, unable to stop a small smile from forming on her face as she saw his excitement. She stood and watched him turn on the sink, whistling a song as he washed up. He grabbed the disposable scrub brush and pumped three full pumps of soap into it, pressing his body against the water turn on switch as he began to count his scrubs and rinse time meticulously. Angie just stared at him in awe, unable to believe how perfectly routine everything he did was. It forced her to think that maybe they weren't so different after all – she had always seen him as slightly immature, but maybe he really was detail-oriented… something that few people seemed to be these days.

Just as she started to wonder how he made time for all of this during emergency surgery, Tyler turned off the water and turned towards her, eyebrow raised as the other scrub tech helped dress him.

"Ang, you need to wash up. You just slapped me five and I wasn't sterile." he said with an uncharacteristically serious tone, leaving the nurse dumbfounded and slightly angry. Instead of fighting him she just tore off her garments, starting over from the beginning with an exasperated sigh.

--

Minutes later Angie entered the OR to see Tyler kicking around a hacky sack, the patient still not in the room.

"Are you seriously kicking around a hacky sack?!" she exclaimed, causing him to lose his concentration and drop it.

"Aw man!" he groaned, starting over again, counting his way to 21 – his lucky number.

Angie just shook her head in disbelief as the scrub tech stepped to her side. "Don't worry Nurse Stiles – it's sterile. He just has to get 21 before he can start."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "How many of these rituals does he have?!" she exclaimed under her breath, hearing the scrub tech giggle.

"Just one more big one… the rest are barely noticeable."

"Great." Angie said, biting her lip. Turning around she saw the patient arrive by transport at the door, walking quickly over and opening the double doors to help them get in.

"TWENTY ONE!" Tyler exclaimed, kicking the sack over into the corner and helping pull the patient inside. Locking the bed with his foot, Tyler pulled back the sheet on the man's chest, signaling to the CRNA in the corner to start anesthesia.

"You ready for the magic show Ang?" Tyler joked, broad smile evident even from behind his mask.

Angie just chuckled nervously, wondering what she was getting into. "Yep, sure am…"

"Hey…" he said with more of a serious tone, catching her attention. "Don't worry, everything'll be fine… alright?"

She allowed herself to smile slightly, nerves still racking her body – half wondering what other tricks Tyler had up his sleeve.

"And besides…" he continued, "…looks like your fanclub just arrived." he said, pointing behind her.

Turning around slowly a genuinely happy smile graced Angie's face as she saw Derek wave at her from the observation deck, the smile she fell in love with plastered on his face. Feeling instantly better she turned back to Tyler, who was still staring up at Derek, big smile on his face.

"Dude – did you come to cheer me on too, or is this just for your wife's benefit?"

With a laugh and a broad smile, Derek leaned forward, pressing the call button.

"It's for both of you, definitely… but also a little bit for myself. I wouldn't miss 'the show' for the world." he said, chuckling.

Angie's smile dropped straight off her face, as seen by everyone in the room.

"Oh, just so you know, I call my operations 'the show'…" Tyler added to Angie quietly.

"I got it…" she replied, turning her attention to the half-conscious man on the table in front of him.

"Alright Mr. Phillips, count backwards from 100 for me…" she said, hearing the man get to about 96 before he passed out.

"Smile honey – you're about to witness greatness." Derek said, voice echoing through the O.R. The rest of the staff giggled, waiting for Dr. Chase's cue.

"Hell yeah you are!" Tyler shouted, earning a round of laughs through the room, including Angie.

"Switch with me Ang – I work on your side." he said, trading places with the nurse. When in position Angie looked up at Derek with slight nervousness in her eyes, feeling it dissipate when he gave her a gentle nod and smile. Elbows resting on his knees he was leaning forward, staring down into the OR intently, waiting for something that everyone but Angie was ready for.

"Gel." he said, feeling the tiny bottle be placed into his outstretched hand. He smeared a liberal amount on the incision site and then paused, watching his assistant for the day grow nervous.

"Alright…let's rock!" he said, looking up into the ceiling. Curious, Angie turned her gaze up as well, wondering what the heck he was staring at.

All of a sudden she saw him bounce up and down in excitement, leaving her to wonder still just what was going on.

Furthering her confusion was a low rumble resonating through the OR. She looked around at the others in the room, failing to get any answers as they all looked perfectly normal – unfazed by whatever it was that was happening.

And just as her curiosity hit it's peak, a synthesized rhythm blasted through the speakers, making Angie jump nearly two feet in the air with a loud 'eek!' that just made Tyler laugh. As soon as she settled down she listened to the music, dumbfounded when she finally placed a title with the extremely familiar synthesized sequence. She felt her shoulders and eyebrows drop, unable to believe what was happening.

"Oh my God… Final Countdown? Are you serious?!" she asked, watching Tyler grow ever more excited.

"Yeah buddy!" he exclaimed, grabbing the scalpel and beginning his incision. Angie was unable to believe that the crappy one-hit wonder was blaring through the OR's speakers during surgery, as present by the absolutely bewildered stare on her face. She looked up at Derek who was just laughing at her, internally glad that he had made the time to watch this magic unfold. They were two completely different people when it came to work, and watching Angie's reactions to each of Tyler's little quirks was something that brought Derek great joy.

"Angie…?"

Snapping out of her thoughts was Tyler's voice, his hand outstretched.

"Drain, please?" he asked, still humming along to the music.

"Uh, yeah… sorry." she said, handing him the drain just as he had asked.

"Ties, please…"

Still looking around, Angie placed the ties into his hand, noting that Derek was still laughing up in the observation deck. Through all the distraction everyone else in the room seemed completely unrattled, leaving Angie to be the only one who was struggling to assimilate into this new routine.

Going through the motions of the procedure, Angie still was thinking it over, growing slightly frustrated when the song repeated itself for the fourth time, the synthesized melody boring itself into the back of her head – sure to stay there for the remainder of the day, and possibly week if she wasn't careful.

"…Will things ever be the same agaaaiinnn!?" Tyler suddenly belted out, startling Angie slightly. Here he was, singing "Final Countdown" at the top of his lungs as he was pulling an inflamed appendix out of a patient, still as careful as ever. Though she couldn't look up at the moment, Angie knew that Derek was probably doubled over up in the deck at the situation, leaving her to giggle slightly herself.

As soon as the appendix was in the tray Tyler stuck the drain into the patient's body, waiting patiently as extra fluid was sucked out.

"…It's the FIN-AL COUNT.DOWN!!"

A faint cackle was heard through the OR, and once Angie had disposed of the appendix she looked up to see Derek with his hand over his face, body shaking with laughter. As he removed his hand and collected himself, he noticed that his wife was staring at him shaking her head, which caused him to begin to laugh again. All he could do was continue his cackle and give her a thumbs up, knowing that this was one of his new favorite moments in life.

"Here are the stitches Dr. Chase…" Angie said, extending her hand.

"Hang on one sec…" he interjected, positioning the drain to stand on its own. "INSTRUMENTAL SOLO!"

"You've GOT to be kidding me…"

The harsh reality was, he _wasn't_ kidding. He started off with a bit of an air guitar solo, leaving Angie to facepalm herself, her head shaking back and forth in disbelief. Dropping her arms to her sides she looked around at everyone else who was just giggling at a very exuberant Dr. Chase, who was now suturing the open wound closed as he danced back and forth, humming along with the music break.

Once again Angie's eyes strayed up to Derek in her sheer terror at the situation, who she noticed was not even sitting in his seat anymore. He was laying down on the floor laughing, the only part of him visible was the arm holding onto the bench which he had previously occupied. She had to giggle at the situation momentarily, before unfortunate events struck.

Tyler had tied the wound off, now checking everything over as his hands began to perform an extended air drum solo, occupying himself while he waited to see the body's response to the procedure. In his excitement he struck the base of the scalpel in front of him, smacking it downward. The blade of it had been positioned underneath the base of the antibiotic gel's bottle, and upon him striking it the scalpel flipped and flew backwards, springing the bottle up into the air as well.

With a few profane words Tyler managed to dodge the flying projectile, laughing at the situation until he looked forward, watching the gel fly from the container and directly at Angie, spraying directly into her eyes.

His laughs instantly ceased as she screamed bloody murder, the solution instantly beginning to burn her eyes. Picking himself off of the floor Derek looked down, watching Angie scream in pain as the back of her hands came to rest over her eyes, doing nothing to quell the burning. In a flash he was out of the deck, sprinting towards the OR.

"Angie! Angie listen to me!" Tyler yelled, unable to touch her with the risk of compromising the sterile field. "Take two shoulder width steps to your left and walk forward until I say stop…!"

She heard his instructions loud and clear and followed them through the intense burning, feeling herself cry as she feared that the solution would cause her to become blind. As she paced forward slowly Tyler turned around, noting that Derek had already made his way to the entrance to the OR, holding a disposable mask over his face as he swung open the door.

"Stop!" Tyler exclaimed, watching Derek reach forward and grab her, pulling her into the prep room.

"Derek…?!" she asked between sobs, the burning growing worse by the second.

"It's alright honey, just don't move…" he replied. Within seconds he had her mask, goggles, and head covering off, peeling off her gloves shortly after.

"Hang onto me, come on…" he said, hooking an arm around her back as he rushed her over into the corner. Sweeping the hair out of her face and back behind her head Derek pressed his foot down on the switch that controlled the emergency eye-wash station, shoving her head down until the water was running into her eyes.

"Ang, I know it burns, but keep your eyes open!" he instructed, bending over to make sure she was complying. With a few painful blinks her green eyes popped open, instantly cooled by the running water. Derek watched as her body grew visibly less tense, eventually hearing her sigh in relief after nearly a straight minute and a half of continuous running water.

"Okay… okay, I'm fine…" she said, pulling her head back. Derek clicked off the switch to the sink, helping her stand up straight. She held her eyes closed for a brief moment as he stripped her of her operative clothes, throwing them into the nearest bio-hazard bin.

"Can you open them?" he asked, watching as she timidly blinked her eyes open. The whites of them were nearly red after the ordeal, but she seemed to be doing alright.

"They feel better – still burn a little bit actually…" she said, walking back over to the sink and allowing the water to run into her eyes for another brief moment.

"Thanks honey…" she said timidly, still keeping her eyes closed.

"No problem – I guess it was lucky I was up there, huh?" he replied, seeing her nod.

"Open your eyes for a quick sec, Ang…"

She did as she was told and was greeted by the tiny light that Derek carried in his pocket, shining into each individual eye. When he was done she turned around and scrubbed herself off.

"They look alright – you're definitely going to be putting in drops for a few days… I'll have Dr. Clarks take a look at you when we're upstairs." he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders after she finished.

As she sank into his hug, Angie felt herself grow angry as "Final Countdown" started over in the OR. She whirled around to see that the patient was long gone, Tyler was talking to the tech and the anesthesiologist.

"When the hell did he finish?" she asked, completely confused.

"He finished before you even left the room." Derek said, seeing Angie whip around.

"No… no way, you're totally lying. With his extended solos and whatever – he could NOT have been done that quick! YOU don't even get done that quick!"

"That's cause I'm more nitpicky… and because I'm afraid you'll yell at me." Derek admitted, chuckling. "Tyler's routine works for him, no matter how crazy it may be. He honestly works better when there's a lot going on – and because he's never screwed up because of it, nobody says anything about his rituals."

Angie just stared into the OR, still speechless until Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her from the prep room and towards their office.

"By the way, your reaction to that was probably one of my new favorite moments EVER…" he admitted, starting to crack up again.

Angie rolled her eyes with a smile. "Yeah, I noticed when I looked up and you were _on the floor..._"

Derek just laughed harder, planting a kiss on the side of her head. "Priceless."

--

"Come in."

With Angie's cue, Tyler walked into hers and Derek's office to see the surgeon seated with Angie's head on a pillow in his lap, a cold compress situated over her eyes, her body stretched out over the rest of the couch.

"Is that Tyler?" she asked Derek. The blonde surgeon shifted the weight on his feet nervously as Derek smiled, drawing a finger across his own throat to show Tyler his impending doom.

"Yep, sure is. I'll leave you guys alone to talk, alright?" he said, gently moving out from underneath the pillow, allowing Angie to lay on the couch by herself. Seconds later he was out the door, closing it behind him.

"Are you alright Ang? I'm so sorry about today… that was SO my bad…"

Angie sat up gently, removing the compress from her eyes.

"Yeah Ty, it WAS your bad… You were reckless, inappropriate, and just overall weren't paying attention. Thanks to you now I've got to wear patches when I sleep for a week, not to mention put drops in my eyes three times a day."

"I know Ang, I'm so sorry…" he said. "I promise, I never meant for something like that to happen."

Angie sighed, unable to still be mad at him.

"All things aside Dr. Chase, you are an exceptional surgeon. Besides this, it was an unexpected pleasure to work with you. Not to mention interesting…" she said.

Tyler raised an inquisitive eyebrow, surprised at her comment. "I appreciate it Ang…"

"Anytime." she replied, small smile trickling over her lips as she held out her fist to him. She hit the top of his, he returned the action, and then they bumped knuckles together with a smile and a laugh.

"…same time tomorrow?" she asked, watching as he became excited, nodding his head furiously.

"It'd be my pleasure…" he replied.

"And no more drum solos?"

"No more drum solos… but Final Countdown stays."

"Fine, you can have your precious 80's crap-rock."

"…Final Countdown is NOT crap! It's LEGENDARY."

"Whatever. I don't care what you do as long as it doesn't end up with me having bodily harm again."

Tyler chuckled, moving toward the door as Angie laid back down, replacing the pack on her eyes.

"Sorry again Angie – thanks for being a great assistant though." he said, opening the door. Truth be told he was unable to believe he was getting off this easy – when he entered the room he was fully preparing to have a limb ripped from his body.

"No problem… thanks for entertaining me today." she replied from the couch, adjusting her compress.

"See ya…"

"Wait."

Tyler stopped, turning to look back at her. "Yeah?"

From her position on the couch Tyler watched her smile drop into a vindictive stare.

"If I don't have a smoked salmon sushi roll on my desk in half an hour, I am going to talk to your wife, and so help me God you won't be getting any form of the three letter word for intercourse for _months_."

Tyler nodded, biting his lip.

"And, there it is…" he said, closing the door behind him.

* * *

**Tyler Chase and Angie Thompson -- Antibiotic Gel  
**

**O.M.G.**

**By the way, if you haven't heard the song "Final Countdown" by Europe, go friggin find it on like, Youtube or something and listen to it, and then read this again. Seriously, I'm not even kidding you. Do it.  
**

**And if you HAVE heard the song, play it while you're reading this. I have no idea why, but I was CRYING laughing so hard. That song is just... ridiculous. **

**big gasp TCGeek has a sequel to the Ninja chapter planned... uh oh. :D**


	12. Ultrasound

**This… is pretty drabble-ish.**

**I don't know why I had so many PM's and comments about how people loved my Angie and Victor chapter, but it fueled me to grab another idea from the crack pairing generator and write it. So, here we go!**

**Just to let you know, there is a bit of 'adult situation' material in here, but it doesn't even qualify as a lime, so no worries... oh, and a bit of language, because, well.. it's Victor :D**

**Oh also, Victor gets EXTREMELY OOC in this chapter, but you'll see why!**

**So, I hope you enjoy the mini-sequel!**

* * *

"What the… where is it?"

Angie paced frantically around the second floor of Caduceus, opening nearly every room and storage closet in her quest to find what she was looking for.

"Angie, if you'll just tell me what you're looking for maybe I can help you….!" Derek exclaimed in exasperation, his head spinning as he watched his nurse make the same loop five times around the same set of rooms.

"Just…. shh, Derek. I'll find it." she replied with a furrowed forehead, placing her hands on her hips.

The surgeon just chuckled at his incredibly hot-headed, stubborn nurse, before he jumped off the counter he had been sitting on and walked in the direction of the break room – coffee had been calling his name for quite some time now.

And just as he was about to round the corner…

"…Wait."

He stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around, waiting to see what she was going to do.

"Derek..I uh… I, urhm…_needhelp_.."

Now with enough ammo to tease, Derek whirled around with a smile, crossing his arms as his grin grew larger, fully enjoying this moment.

"I'm sorry…" he said, taking another step closer with a chuckle, "…what was that?"

Angie huffed, dropping her hands to her sides.

"I SAID I NEED HEELPPP! Okay, Derek?! HELP."

The magnitude of her yelling nearly blew him backwards, wiping the smile almost completely off of his face. He dropped his arms to his sides as well to signify to her that he was no longer interested in prolonging her torture.

"What can I help you with, Ang?" he asked in a sincere voice, noticing that her angry stare was not dissipating.

"I need the ultrasound. We have a patient at three that we're going to need it for, and I wanted to get it all set up." she explained, voice cool and collected.

Derek raised an eyebrow, checking the watch she had bought him for his birthday that year. "… you do know that its eight in the morning, right?"

Angie raised her eyebrow right back at him. "…You DO know who you're talking to… right?"

"Fair enough." Derek quipped with a smile. "I saw Victor grab it earlier – he's probably got it in his la—"

He stopped short, remembering the "exchange" Victor and Angie had experienced earlier that day. Part of him thought it was hilarious when Caduceus's favorite recluse had nearly molested Angie to rid her of her hiccups, but the other half still had trouble getting it out of his mind, finding himself a bit jealous.

"I'll go get it for you, okay?" he offered, beginning to walk away.

"No." she interjected, walking forward and eventually past him. "Don't worry – I've got it."

And like that she disappeared around the corner. Did Derek really think that he was going to impose on her turn for a little payback?

--

"Get lost…!"

There was a series of replies that other Caduceus employees received when knocking at the door to Victor Niguel's lab. Most days it would be the aforementioned greeting, on better days it would a simple, "What?!", but on bad days, it went so far as "Go fuck yourself!"

Yet none of these greetings seemed to work, as whoever was at the door would just walk in anyway.

Hunched over a bench examining test tubes again, Victor caught a silhouette through the glass of his project, instantly standing up straight with a smug smirk.

"Didn't expect to see you around here…" he muttered, raising an eyebrow at her before returning to his work.

Hands fiddling with themselves in front of her stomach, Angie timidly paced forward, unsure if she would really be able to go through with her plan… he had embarrassed her in front of everyone, basically frenched her in front of the certain doctor she had been harboring a crush on, and all for his stupid _precious_ peace and quiet.

On second thought, the bastard had it coming.

"I'm sorry, I know that you want your peace and quiet… I just came for the ultrasound."

"Well I can't get peace and quiet if you're in here talking my ear off… and the ultrasound is over there…"

Angie's eyebrow twitched – this was going to be tougher than she thought.

"I'll grab it in a sec, this'll just take a second…" she replied softly, walking next to him and placing her hand gently on the skin of his incredibly pale arm. He stopped moving at her touch and looked at her questioningly out of the corner of his eye.

"I just, wanted to thank you for helping me earlier – though it certainly was not what I expected…" she said confidently, a slight giggle to her tone.

"Yeah, whatever…" Victor grumbled back, shaking his hair out of his eyes before trying to return to work. Seeing that he was blowing her off, Angie grabbed firmly by the crook of his right elbow and spun him around quickly until his back was against his lab bench, hands gripping onto the ledge of it firmly.

"Dammit Angie, you're welcome! Now will you please…"

Victor stopped short when a thin finger came to rest over his lips, silencing him. He now looked at her with even more confusion, and the slightest bit of fear.

"I didn't come here to thank you for helping me…" she spoke in a low, sultry voice, looking down at her hands as she paced toward him until her body pressed lightly against his. He squirmed slightly at first but eventually she had cornered him, her form pressed against his and leaving him nowhere to go, nothing to do besides watch and wait.

"Do you want to know why I really came here?" she asked, voice still low as she locked her green eyes with his dark ones, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

"U-Um… sure…?" he said unconvincingly, shrugging his shoulders. His reply turned incoherent as she reached her hand up and lightly grazed her fingers over his chest, watching herself turn from soft tracing to full-on stroking his pecs and stomach with her hands.

"I came here to thank you for the _way_ you helped me…" she whispered, rising up onto her tiptoes. Though it was a little mean, Angie fully enjoyed watching the expression of pure terror on Victor's face as she moved closer and closer to him, until his shaking hands reached up and pushed her shoulders down, putting her back on her flat feet.

"Um… w-what?" he stuttered, breathing now heavier in his nervousness. She just smiled sweetly at him and continued rubbing her hands on his chest, sexily pressing her body against his more.

"I just, never thought you felt that way about me…" she said, shaking as well. It took everything in her not to just back away and call it quits, seeing as she was in no way attracted to the researcher at all. Truth be told, she found him to be quite irritable and incredibly bony. But she stuck with her plan, continuing on with her seduction – the man had to learn a lesson.

"…I've been waiting for you to do that for so long…" Angie continued, hesitantly bringing her eyes up to meet his again, once more fully reveling in his fearful gaze. "And, I just came to tell you that I feel the same way… and, to return the favor."

And before Victor could do anything, Angie rose back up onto her toes and used her thumb and forefinger to pull his chin down, opening his mouth and pressing her lips against his passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Mmph!" he exclaimed, his cry of disapproval silenced by her kiss. Angie just gripped tighter around his neck as she continued deepening their liplock, noticing that Victor was quite unresponsive.

"_What the hell – why is she doing this!?"_ Victor thought to himself as she continued kissing him, suddenly distracted by a revelation.

"_She wants revenge._"

Eyes narrowing into vindictive slits, Victor eventually just closed them, opting instead to bring his hands around Angie's waist and tighten his grip, holding her firmly to him. Slowly and with great remorse, he began returning her kisses and before he knew it, he was making out with one of the women who annoyed him almost as much as Tyler Chase.

Now Angie's eyes sprang open as she felt him kiss her back, realizing quickly that he had most likely caught on to her hidden agenda.

"_If he thinks I'm giving up that easy, he's out of his mind..."_

With a small bit of repulsion, Angie slid her tongue forward and pressed it firmly against Victor's, hearing him gasp from behind her mouth.

"_What the hell is she doing?!"_

Victor had to admit to himself that she really was a pretty damn good kisser – and had it not been Angie, he would've been enjoying himself. But since it was her, and since she was so desperate to get him back, he had to set his unhappiness aside, and just deal with the thing that was most important –

Beating her.

Releasing his hold on her, Victor raised his hands up and slowly began to run them through Angie's hair, trying to hide the tremble in them as he did so. When he had passed her golden locks through his fingers he once again returned to her back, kicking his ass mentally for what he was about to do next.

"_She's gotta learn that I never lose..."_

Victor began to walk forward with his lips still firmly pressed against Angie's until they stopped, her back now against a lab bench, cornered, just like he had been.

And suddenly at this moment, Victor was slightly glad that all he ever saw was Dr. Chase making out with Nurse Sears, because had he not witnessed their repulsive love sessions on a daily basis, he would have absolutely no idea what to do at this moment.

With reluctance, Victor pulled his lips from Angie's, hearing her soft gasps for air mirror his own. They stared each other down for a brief second before Victor stooped downward and grabbed her legs, hoisting her up onto the lab bench. She let out a light scream at the unexpected action before her lips were back on his, determined not to let him win this.

"_If he's going to play like that..."_ she thought, the smallest of smirks crossing her lips. She pulled out of their kiss once more and grabbed him by the collar of his uniform, slowly backing her butt up on the lab bench and pulling him along. Obliging just because he wasn't ready to give in yet. Victor jumped onto the bench with her and crawled on all fours up to her as she laid down, forcing down a bit of vomit before beginning to kiss her again. He knew he had her right where he wanted her…

…until amidst their kisses, he felt fingers begin to unbutton his scrub top, leaving him stunned.

"_Shit...!"_ he thought. _"Alright Niguel, gotta think quick... wait, could she be... serious?"_

He pondered that for a second before his mind noticed that she was already halfway down his shirt, soon to expose his bare chest.

"_No, can't think like that... she's getting to you, you idiot! DON'T let her get to you! Do something!"_

Victor's shirt was now open, a pair of warm, soft hands running up and down his skin firmly, yet gently as they continued kissing, tongues doing battle every so often.

"_Dammit Victor, just give in – this is getting ridiculous!"_ she thought in exasperation, unsure of how much longer she would be able to continue.

"_Will you just give in, woman! Too much more and I'm going to vomit in your hair!"_

In his desperation to end the madness, Victor's mind skipped over something so disgusting, so putrid, that even thinking of it made him want to throw in the towel. But as they went on, it was very clear that it was his move, his bare chest reminding him that Angie had the last victory.

"_If it goes any farther than this I'm going to end up losing my fucking virginity on a lab bench..." _his brain muttered, smacking himself for even thinking of this idea._ "But, if she is bluffing – this should do it..."_

Putting all of his weight on his right side, Victor removed his left hand from Angie's hair and slid it down her body until it was resting on her bent knee. He paused for a second, unsure if he would really be able to do it, when his mind kicked him into gear.

"_Just do it, you pansy! This is sure to gross her out!"_

"_It's sure to gross ME out!"_ another part of his mind yelled, the two voices in his brain now battling one another.

"_Oh, just quit your whining and get over it – you got yourself into this, now get yourself out!"_

Victor tried to still the trembling in his hand by just applying more pressure to Angie's knee, his hand now firmly gripping it.

"_What the hell is he doing?"_ the blonde thought, sliding her tongue against his once more.

And much to her terror, she found the answer when his pale hand moved to the inside of her knee and began to run up her thigh slowly.

"_Oh, that son of a bitch..."_ she thought, suddenly beginning to panic.

"_I don't care if I never do research again... I'm cutting off this hand the second she leaves."_ Victor thought to himself, noting that Angie still had not bailed. With a gulp, he continued on, now noting that his fingers had slipped just barely underneath the skirt of her uniform.

"_I'm going to be sick..." _she thought, brain suddenly stirring her.

"_No, Angie... you can do this. You wanted a fight, you've got a fight."  
_

"_Sure I wanted a fight – nobody said anything about a hand up my skirt…"_

Angie felt her eyebrow twitch again as her brain fought itself, noticing that Victor's hand was now up her skirt just slightly. She had gotten used to kissing him – it actually wasn't all that bad. So, with a little bit of time, she could get used to his hands in inappropriate places… right?

"_Dammit, I'm going to lose my virginity on a lab bench..."_ she finally grumbled internally. _"And to THIS guy..."_

Victor could hear the voice in his mind sigh heavily, knowing that this was going way too far.

"_Just give up Angie – you'll never win... and once you give up, we can go ahead and never make eye contactor speak for the rest of our lives."_

Angie, desperate to try one last thing reached downward and began fumbling with the button to Victor's pants, leaving him nearly seething in the midst of another kiss.

"_Dammit Thompson! Don't you dare!"_

He increased the speed of his wandering hand, realizing that it wouldn't be long until it would be soiled forever. But he had come too far to quit just yet, so instead he continued, waiting for her to give up.

"_Just, pretend it's someone else, Angie... you can get through this. He'll cave in no time..." _she convinced herself, thoughts immediately tracing to a certain surgeon that was a no stranger to her dreams of this nature. She felt herself immediately relax, until she felt Victor's fingers graze the bone on her inner thigh, right where it met her pelvis.

"_Shit! He's actually going through with it! Come on Angie, don't freak out!"_ she thought, feeling his hand pause as his fingertips hit the band of her underwear, giving her a chance to cave in.

"_Admit it Thompson – admit it and I won't do it..."_

"_You wouldn't dare do it Niguel..."_ Angie thought, waiting for him to make his next move. She did nothing to stop him as he paused, wondering if she would regret that decision.

"_Alright..."_ he thought. _"You asked for it..."_

Victor's fingers twitched as they began to move again, though he was startled by a shrieking scream as Angie's lips pulled off of his.

"ALRIGHT!" she squealed, pushing him forcefully off of her. "Okay – I cave!"

Victor climbed off of the counter and stood in front of the bench where she laid, watching as she pulled herself quickly into a sitting position.

For anyone else, that declaration would've been the end.

But for Victor Niguel, it was only the beginning. Anyone who tried crossing him had to be taught a very valuable lesson…

…Niguel's ALWAYS win.

He looked at her questioningly, leaving his shirt wide open to drive his next move home.

"What do you mean, you cave?" he asked quietly, a sincere tone to his voice. Angie looked at him for a second with confusion, barely able to keep eye contact before having to break it.

"I mean you win, alright? You got me, I can't do it…" she muttered, gripping the edge of the counter hard to forget about her anger at the situation.

Victor paused for a second, trying to hold back a smile, which he was able to do successfully – it never bored him to hear he had won something.

"What do you mean you can't do it? Didn't you just say…"

"Alright, Victor, I get it…" she said, cutting him off. "I get it, rub it in my face – you're better at playing games than I am."

Angie looked up for a second and then away, but did a double take as she saw his expression. His hands were on his hips and his face was looking away, and he looked almost… sad.

"Victor…" she asked quietly, hopping off the bench just as he backed up and turned away from her. "Victor, what are you…"

"N-No, just stay there!" he exclaimed in his best fake anguish voice, smiling now, as she could not see him. "I'm so stupid… I should've known…" he muttered softly, though she heard it.

Angie grew concerned as she stared at his back, his shirt still open as he didn't even bother to fix it. She felt completely terrible now – was this all just a game, or was he really being serious?

"What are you talking about? You kissed me just to get peace and quiet!" she exclaimed, jumping back slightly as he turned around and glared at her sadly.

"You HONESTLY think I would put myself out there like that just to get some quiet?!" he shouted, seeing her cower slightly. "That I would do something so drastic in front of everyone if I didn't honestly feel that way?! And you came here wanting revenge, I suppose?" he said, trying his best not to smile as he drove his point home.

"No, Victor… I'm so sorry, it's not like that…"

"It's exactly like that!" he exclaimed, lowering the tone in her voice. "You've been crazy over Stiles for as long as I've known you two – I should've known you'd never return my feelings… that this was nothing more than a joke to you…"

Angie's eyes just remained bugged out of her head as she watched Victor slowly lower himself to the floor, looking down at the ground disdainfully. She had never seen him even remotely close to this form, and felt so terrible she wasn't even sure what to do with herself.

"Victor…" she said softly, kneeling down. "I'm so, so sorry… I just thought you were trying to teach me a lesson – I never wanted to hurt you…"

Victor just remained quiet, his mind cackling in an evil fashion, knowing that this was possibly the sweetest revenge he had ever gotten.

Angie paused for a moment, noting that he hadn't looked up at her, or moved. "Is… Is there anything, I can do?" she asked quietly, watching him turn his eyes up hopefully at her.

"Can you… oh, nevermind…" he said, lowering his head again.

"No!" she exclaimed. "What? Anything, and it's yours."

Victor looked up at Angie again with his best puppy dog eyes, catching the concern laced in her expression. He savored the moment of his victory, before he leaned in closer to her, lightly pressing his lips against hers one last time, driving his point home.

"Next time you think one little kiss is going to stop me from winning something, just remember that I'm a Niguel – and Niguel's ALWAYS win…"

Victor began to laugh as he saw Angie's expression turn from compassion to full out rage, the smile remaining on his lips even as she slapped him across the face and pushed him onto the ground, standing up quickly in a huff.

"YOU… You, are such an ASSHOLE! And a PERVERT!" she screamed, growing exponentially more pissed off as he laughed at her, her abuses not even fazing him.

"ERRGH!" she screamed behind clenched teeth, her hands balled up into fists as she went to storm from the lab.

"Don't forget the ultrasound!" Victor yelled in between his hysteric laughs, barely able to stand as Angie threw the lab doors open with all her might, banging them against the wall with a sound that had Victor not known better, shaken the entire floor.

And as she stormed away he stood up and buttoned his shirt, walking over with a smirk to the corner of the room and grabbing the ultrasound in his hands before going to the elevator.

--

"Hey Angie, did you uh… um…"

Derek trailed off as Angie stepped off the elevator in a fit of rage, not even paying any attention to him as she stormed off toward their office with another angry groan and subsequent string of profanities, before slamming their office door with all the strength she had.

"Whoa, what the hell was that?" Tyler asked, approaching Derek who just stood confused.

"I don't know, she just came up from the lab…"

Derek trailed off as Victor approached him and Tyler, pushing the ultrasound machine into a nearby room. What surprised the two of them, however, was that he was actually smiling.

"Here you go. After all the commotion, Angie forgot this." he simply said, turning to walk away before he was stopped.

"Commotion? What commotion?" Tyler asked, watching Victor smirk again.

"Let's just say, I don't think I'll ever have to worry about Angie coming to the lab again…" he said, causing both doctors to raise an eyebrow and exchange a glance with one another.

And at that exact moment, Victor's smile dropped and turned back into a grumbling frown as he walked away, muttering to himself.

"Now if I just had a plan to get rid of the rest of you…"

* * *

**Victor Niguel and Angie Thompson -- Ultrasound**

**I had sooo much fun writing this... hope you guys enjoyed it too! :D  
**


	13. Ring

**This is quite honestly the last story I ever expected myself to update first, but I had good inspiration, so here I am :)**

**I, for those of you who do not follow my deviantart account, have been slammed like hell trying to keep up with school and work, especially with finals approaching. But, I am planning a writing extravaganza in the month of December, so stay tuned for that one. **

**Anyway, this is just a random funny I cooked up. About an hour total time, barely over 3k (My word counts are coming down! Yay!)**

**So, it's been awhile - I hope I'm not too rusty :D Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Angie Thompson paced cautiously down the halls of Caduceus, very careful of her surroundings and with a slow yet steady gait – she was on the lookout.

And noticing this was boyfriend Derek Stiles as he rounded a corner and spotted her, stopping his rush to the break room in favor of watching her with a confused smile.

"Uh, Angie…?" Derek asked with a smile when he saw her peeking in a doorway. She jumped just a little and looked back at him with a sigh of relief and a smile, walking quickly yet cautiously to him to give him a kiss on the cheek. He blushed slightly at the gesture and she rolled her eyes with a giggle.

"Can I ask why you were walking around here like that…?" Derek asked, readjusting his glasses. "Or were you just looking for your dashing significant other?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes again, to which he scoffed.

"I'm always looking for my dashing significant other…" she giggled. "…but I was walking around like that because Tyler is—"

"BAH!"

No sooner was he mentioned than the blonde doctor popped out of the one room in the hallway that Angie had forgotten to check, causing the nurse to scream at such a high pitch that Derek stumbled backwards in pain, his own heart racing from the sudden attack.

"O-Oh m-man, hahah! T-That makes THREE today, A-Angie! HAHA!"

Tyler nearly doubled over in laughter as the aforementioned nurse crossed her arms and glared holes into him as she waited for him to settle down. Derek just stared on at the two of them confused, wondering how long this had been going on and why two in the afternoon was the first time he was hearing about it.

"Um… what's…?" Derek started.

"At some point during the morning when he most likely SHOULD'VE been working, Dr. Chase decided that it would be a wonderful idea to walk around scaring the living hell out of people for no reason other than his own sick, twisted enjoyment. And before you even ask – yes, he has apparently given up doing any and all work today in order to accomplish this."

Derek just chuckled at Angie's explanation – she had a way of putting things so funnily. Maybe it was how she told it, or maybe it was the fact that she was pissed off – either way, it was still hilarious.

"Well, it could be worse…" Derek started as Tyler composed himself and then dashed down the hallway and around a corner. "… we could have a repeat of the 'ninja' fiasco…"

Angie smiled at the mention. "I wouldn't mind having a repeat of the ninja fiasco… I actually quite enjoyed it." she said, reminiscing about the sound Tyler's body made when she threw it over herself and onto the hard ground. "But it's time for me to go finish up my rounds… see you later?"

Derek smiled. "Of course." he replied, smiling again when she kissed his cheek. "…but before you go – have you seen Leslie?"

Angie nodded. "Yeah, she's –"

"_BAH!"_

_CRACK!_

"_Ow, son of a bitch!"_

Both Derek and Angie turned to the side to see Tyler holding his nose with both hands as he doubled over and stumbled backwards. The doctor and nurse started laughing as they saw Victor appear around the corner, his clipboard hung down by his side in his left hand as he approached the wounded doctor, the trademark smart-ass smirk on his face as he did so.

"What the hell, man?!" Tyler whined, moving his nose around slowly to feel if it was broken. "It's just a game – why the hell did you do that?!"

Victor crossed his arms. "Because – you already did this to me once this morning and I told you the next time you did it, I was going to hit you in the face. It's a game of my own – I like to call it, 'I hit you in the face when you do something RETARDED.' And wouldn't you know it? I'm winning!"

Without another word Victor just pulled the clipboard up under his arm and turned in the other direction, Tyler walking off in a huff as Derek and Angie continued laughing hysterically at the altercation from down the hall.

"Those two…" Derek started, repositioning his glasses.

"I know… they crack me up." Angie replied, wiping a tear from under her eye. "Oh – like I was saying… Leslie's just finishing her rounds too. She's at the end of the hall – probably saw that whole thing unfold too."

"Heh, alright…" he replied. "See you later, Ang…"

They waved goodbye and he began his journey down the hall once more, surprised that he had hid his nervousness so well – it would've been harder had he not been the one asking the questions, so glad for this fact he simply kept moving in search of the other nurse he knew so well.

Leslie rounded the corner at that exact moment and saw him, and while his eyes brightened upon seeing her, Derek quickly turned concerned as he saw the pace at which she was moving.

"Leslie, are you busy…?"

"Like you wouldn't believe…!" she replied. "I've got a patient that apparently didn't know he was allergic to Penicillin, and now he's practically a balloon!"

"Do you need a hand?!" Derek called out, on her heels immediately as they both ran into the room with the patient. Swinging in the doorway he saw Dr. Clarks already taking care of it with Leslie's help, so he ducked back out and went to walk away, but not before he heard:

"I know what it's about – I'll come find you later!" Leslie yelled out the doorway after him.

Derek just nodded and smiled – it was good enough for him at the time being.

Waiting to kill some time, the doctor simply paced back upstairs and relaxed in his office chair, but not before closing the door behind him. Turning the back of the chair to the door, a loving smile swept his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the little dark blue box, clicking it open to reveal the cause of his current distress – Angie's engagement ring.

With care and caution, he removed it from its cushion, careful not to put any fingerprints on the diamond and as few as he could on the shiny platinum band as he looked it over again. Realizing that the box could give it away if stashed in his pocket, he opened up the bottom desk drawer and tossed it in the back, covering it with some paper before he returned to relaxing in his chair, the ring still pinched in between his pointer finger and thumb as he stared on at it.

It was fitting for someone that he regarded as the most beautiful woman in the world – a impressive flawless square diamond set on a platinum band – simple and elegant, yet breathtaking to look at.

"Just like her…" he murmured quietly to himself.

With a smile Derek pocketed the ring – and not a moment to soon, as Angie's heels came clicking into the room as she shut the door behind her. With a mischievous smirk on his face, Derek whirled around in the chair as fast as he could and laughed when he saw her jump back and against the wall, her hand over her chest.

"Don't DO that…!" she exclaimed in exasperation. "I've been watching my back all day for Tyler – I don't need you on my case too!"

He stood from his desk and walked towards her, wrapping her in a hug before a knock came on the door.

"Don't answer it…" was the muffled reply from where her face had snuggled into his chest. "I swear to God if it's him and he does it again I'll kill him dead."

With one arm around her still, Derek reached over as far as he could and twisted the door handle until it opened -- revealing a bright-eyed Leslie.

"Thank God…" Angie whispered, snuggling back into Derek.

"Awww…" Leslie started, her hands instinctively coming up and clasping against her chest. "You guys are soo cuuuuute!"

Derek just blushed and looked down at Angie with a smile before he stepped away from her to tend to Leslie.

"What's going on?" he asked. "How's that patient?"

She smiled back. "Oh, fine – I was just actually coming to ask you if you'd check up on something else for me for that guy… I can't seem to find Dr. Clarks anywhere."

Derek returned the grin, impressed with her nonchalance. "Absolutely. Be back in a few, Ang…"

"Alright…" she replied, obviously none the wiser as she plopped down on their couch with a magazine.

As soon as the door closed, Leslie yanked Derek around the corner and down a flight of stairs in her excitement, stopping him when they were just a few rooms away from the patient they were supposed to be taking care of.

"Do you have it?!" she exclaimed in a whisper, jumping up and down impatiently.

Derek nodded and with a gentle smile, reached into his pants pocket and pulled the ring out to show Leslie…

…who nearly shook the whole building with a deafening shriek when she saw it.

"Leslie!" Derek reprimanded. "SHH…!"

"I'm SORRY!" she whispered, taking the ring into her own hand as she stared at it, her other hand coming up to rest over her mouth.

"…Well?" Derek asked after a few moments of silence, watching her still examine it from top to bottom.

At this she turned up her head with a huge smile and dropped the hand covering her mouth as she nearly launched at him with a hug, quickly pulling back and staring at the ring again.

"Derek… it's BEAUTIFUL!" she whispered. "I mean – she's going to absolutely love it. It's gorgeous, it's simple – it's Angie… right to a T. You did perfect…!"

He beamed. "Really? You really think she'll love it?"

"Without a doubt – this is the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen… she'll flip." Leslie reassured with a smile.

Derek heaved a sigh of relief but just a moment too soon, as he heard an unmistakable pair of heels coming around the corner.

"She's coming!" Derek hissed, motioning for the ring. Leslie fumbled with it for a moment before passing it over to Derek quickly, who tried to figure out what to do with it as quickly as he possibly could.

Pockets? Not quick enough

Shirt pocket? Visible.

Coat pocket? Has a hole in it.

So with no options left and panic pulsing through him, Derek Stiles put the ring in the only place he knew she would never think to find it…

…his mouth.

Leslie slapped her forehead, closed her eyes, and shook her head as Derek shrugged, and not a moment too soon – as Angie was now standing just behind them and staring at them with an inquisitive eyebrow.

"…everything okay?" she asked them, and they both nodded quickly and with smiles – Derek's with no teeth showing.

She raised her eyebrow again. "Alright…" she said, walking away with one last interested glance over her shoulder. When she rounded the corner Derek sighed with relief.

"Well that was… smart, Derek…" Leslie joked with a giggle. "Unique hiding place, I must say…"

The surgeon rolled his eyes and rose his hand up to his mouth to retrieve the ring, when…

"BAH!"

Leslie and Derek both jumped and then groaned when they saw Tyler dart out from a nearby room, in hysterics once again.

"Tyler, quit being such a jerk and go DO SOMETHING!" Leslie snapped, rubbing the side of her head in annoyance as she noticed Tyler's expression, which was serious and fixed on Derek. The nurse turned to Derek to see his hands on his hips and one of the most malevolent glares in his eyes she had ever seen before, centered directly at the blonde doctor.

"Dude – it was just a joke… why do you look like you're going to kill me?" he asked, taking a step back as Derek turned to Leslie, who was as confused as Tyler in that moment.

"Derek, what's…?"

He put up a hand before she could continue and looked back at her as he opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out slowly, the anger growing on his face by the second.

Leslie's hands instantly flew up to her face the second she noticed.

"Oh my God… Oh my God – you DIDN'T!"

Derek nodded and glared back at Tyler, who was still lost. "Yep. I definitely did."

"You swallowed it… oh my God, Derek…" Leslie repeated again before she turned angrily towards her boyfriend and lunged at him, slapping him as hard as she possibly could in the arm.

"You IDIOT! Now you've done it!" she shrieked.

"Did WHAT?!" Tyler exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "What did I do?!"

Leslie sighed angrily and pulled Tyler in closer. "Derek was showing me Angie's engagement ring. She came around the corner and he didn't know what to do with it on the fly, so he put it in his mouth. And when you came around the corner and scared him, he…"

"Oh God…" Tyler finished, slowly turning back to stare at Derek as he tried not to laugh – albeit unsuccessfully. "Dude…haha… I am so, so sorry… SO sorry…"

"You have five seconds to get out of my face before I kill you." Derek replied, not even bothering to look over at the doctor who failed to hesitate before he began booking it in the opposite direction.

And as soon as he was gone and Leslie and Derek were alone again, she burst out into laughter so severe it dropped her to the floor in hysterics.

Derek just sighed.

--

"So, are you going to tell me what you swallowed or is it just like a prize at the bottom of a cereal box?" Dr. Clarks joked, obviously failing to amuse the irritated surgeon as he lied on the exam table with the portable x-ray machine at his bedside. It was much easier to use the small device than to take a whole upper respiratory x-ray, but still failed to make Derek feel any better about the situation.

"Well, today I…"

Interrupted by a knock at the door and a worried Angie pacing into the room, Derek just dropped his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes in his ever-growing frustration.

"Derek – what's going on!?" she exclaimed, rushing to his side and taking ahold of his hand. "I heard you were up here – what happened?"

He groaned. "Nothing Angie… I'm fine – and who told you I was here?"

"Sidney." she stated matter-of-factly.

"Sidney told you?! How did HE find out?!" Derek exclaimed, looking over at Dr. Clarks who just shrugged.

"I believe he said he heard it from Dr. Hoffman, who heard it from Victor, who heard it from one of the R&D guys, who heard it from his girlfriend, who heard it from Leslie and Tyler."

"Heard what…?" Derek asked with a nervous voice, hoping that in their rampant gossiping they had succeeded in keeping the ring a secret.

"Just that you got something lodged in your throat…" she replied, pulling up a chair. "So I came up here to make sure you were okay…"

He smiled and then it faded. "I'm fine Angie – go ahead and wait outside, I'll come get you when I'm done…"

"Nonsense." she replied, squeezing his hand. "I'm going to be right here holding your hand, just like you would for me…"

Normally he would've appreciated the gesture, but knowing that his secret would be blown, Derek continued to try to force her from the room.

However, in his attempt, he never noticed that Dr. Clarks had already begun searching for where the object was lodged, locating it without any trouble at all.

"…What is that…?" he asked, zooming in on the x-ray as he maneuvered the wand to get a better look.

Still arguing with Angie, Derek whipped his head to the left, and catching a faint outline of the object, yelled to try to stop him.

"NO… don't!"

It was too late – Dr. Clarks had already clicked the button and zoomed in on the image – a perfect circle with a big mass connected to the top of it, and so comfortably lodged in the side of Derek's throat.

"It looks like a circle – what did you swallow, Derek?" Angie asked, leaning forward to get a better look.

"Nothing, just don't look…!"

Dr. Clarks gasped suddenly and turned back towards Derek with wide eyes, pointing to the screen in shock.

"You swallowed a ring…? Is that a ring?"

Derek just glared at Dr. Clarks angrily before he realized his flub, taking a step back from the table and smiling apologetically.

"Woops… sorry…"

Nervously, Derek brought his eyes up to Angie, whose eyes were fixated on the screen and the ring, her mouth open and eyes wide. She slowly turned to him and he looked at her sheepishly, chuckling out of simply having nothing else to do in the moment.

"Derek…?" she whispered quietly, waiting for an explanation.

"See… the thing is…" he started.

Silence.

"I, uh…"

He tried again, but stopped.

"Today, I was…"

Angie just continued to stare at him impatiently, waiting to see what the hell he was doing with a diamond ring lodged in his throat while he stumbled around his words, finally finding the ones he was looking for.

Derek chuckled and squeezed her hand gently as he reached his other hand behind him and scratched the back of his head like he always did when he was nervous, chuckles still escaping him until the very moment he opened his mouth to speak.

"Angie…" he said, still trying not to laugh as she stared at him in complete disbelief.

"…will you marry me?"

* * *

**Derek Stiles and Angie Thompson -- "Ring"**

**Derek on an exam table with a diamond ring lodged in his throat, proposing to Angie with the outline that appears on the x-ray that's being taken at the moment. Sounds like every girl's dream to me! :D**

**Hope you liked it - see you guys around!  
**


	14. Teacher

**IMPORTANT: This chapter contains EXTREMELY mature themes, but is not sexually graphic. Just a big warning to you in advance.**

**This is relatively short - go me!**

**I am getting ready to work on the next Hostage chapter and I needed just a little free-write to get my creative juices flowing. So, here it is.  
**

**More crack pairing goodness - enjoy!  
**

* * *

"Are you serious? How can you _not_ have one?"

Angie paused for a moment at Derek's question from their kitchen, her green eyes focused on him as he leaned back on their couch awaiting an answer with an inquisitive eyebrow raised. She gently set the dish she was watching down in the sink and dried her hands, walking around the corner and to where he was seated with a small smirk on her face.

"I don't know…" she began, giggling at the sudden awkward shift of their conversation. "I guess I really never thought about it. Maybe it's just not my thing?"

Derek chuckled at her briefly, not buying the innocent act for even a split second.

"So you mean to tell me…" he started, putting his arm around his wife and pulling her into himself gently with a ready-to-tease type smile. "That you have absolutely no fantasies. At all. None?"

Unwinding from dinner just a half-hour prior, Derek had put in a random disc from their "Friends" collection for the pair to watch upon Angie's request, stumbling upon the episode in which Ross and Rachel discussed bedroom fantasies. The pair had watched with laughs as Ross revealed his geeky fantasy to see his girlfriend dressed as Princess Leia in her gold bikini, only leading to disastrous, yet hilarious, results.

Sure, it was funny on screen – but when the situation trickled out of the TV and into their lives, Angie realized that there was going to be no way to avoid it.

And it had all gone downhill from there.

Of course Derek was curious, the subject something that strangely, he and his wife of a little over a year had never really discussed. But when he brought this curiosity to a head Angie grew visibly uncomfortable, even around the man she had shared absolutely everything with.

There was something about dressing up as someone or something else that Angie Stiles never understood the appeal of – and even as the conversation continued, this feeling did not change.

"I just don't get the appeal." she finally admitted, eyes downward and on her wedding ring as she mindlessly twirled it around on her finger. "I'm with you because I want to be with you, and I enjoy our sex life because I love _you_." she continued with a smile, that grin mirroring on Derek's face as he kissed her on the cheek.

"But really Ang… you don't ever think about anything like that? The thought has never even once crossed your mind?"

Angie mulled it over for a minute, finally shaking her head. "Not things like dressing up, or any of that stuff. I mean, there are certain things that I really like…" she continued, fingers gently tracing his chest with a soft smile on her lips. "But they're not out of the ordinary – and you know a lot of them already…"

She paused, realizing that the conversation was growing a bit too heated and away from the point.

"I mean, if I wanted to be with a firefighter, I would've married a firefighter. It's just – a stupid concept."

Derek suddenly broke out in a huge grin, chuckling softly to himself as his wife trailed off and grew irritated looking.

"What is so funny?!" she said as her husband burst out into laughter, eyes confused as he pulled her closer, chuckles sporadic yet still evident.

His brown eyes locked passionately with Angie's as he leaned forward and gently pressed the tip of his nose to hers.

"So, um…" he began in a husky whisper, his wife still completely lost. "…it's firefighters, is it?"

Angie paused for a moment before realizing what he was implying and then shortly after, reared her head back, expression immediately dropping to extremely annoyed.

"No, that's not what I…" she started, but was stopped as Derek pulled her close again, his face hovering very close to hers.

"I'll put out _your_ fire…" he whispered again in an innuendo-type fashion, earning a slap in the arm as he was shoved violently to the other end of the couch amidst his now hysterical laughter.

"I don't know why I put up with you sometimes!" Angie huffed as she rose from the couch and retreated back into the kitchen, though it was barely heard as Derek continued laughing, now with tears in his eyes.

"Oh come on, you love me and you know it!" he called out after her as she disappeared around the corner.

"Yeah, yeah…" she muttered to herself with a smile, suddenly stopping before she could reach the sink again. With a mischievous grin, Angie walked back into the living room with her arms crossed, staring down at her husband with curiosity as he grew nervous looking.

"All right, smart guy." she started, walking towards him and seating herself back on the couch just to his left. "If I'm so weird for not having one of these fantasies, it obviously means you've got one."

He smiled at her. "Can I get away with 'hot nurse'?"

Angie giggled and then grew serious and quiet quickly after. "No. You're not getting out of this that easy."

Derek immediately grew serious, obviously not willing to have the tables turned on himself. He looked away uncomfortably and began to stutter a bit, causing his wife to deepen the assault that he had launched on her just moments before.

"Come on, Derek." she coaxed in a sing-song voice. "You've got one – spill it!"

"…I don't have any, I was just joking before." he said in a voice barely a whisper, eyes still embarrassedly diverted from his wife.

"Derek!" she said, nudging him repeatedly before finally giving up and reaching under his chin to pull his head towards her. She closed her face in slowly to his as he had done moments before, clearing her throat gently.

"You know if you tell me…" she began, taking the lines directly from the episode which had started the whole fiasco. "…I might just do it."

Derek started back at her incredulously, taking a big gulp as he stammered out "hot teachers" so quickly that Angie barely caught it.

But it had registered – and after it did, she had a hard time keeping in her giggles.

"You mean like… the Catholic schoolgirl outfits?" she asked, trying to keep herself from laughing to prevent any more embarrassment from overtaking her already purple-faced husband.

At a loss for words, he just nodded slowly. His eyes were nowhere near hers now, pissed at himself and at "Friends" for starting this whole thing in the first place.

"Actually…" Angie said, leaning back against the couch. "That's a pretty common one, to be honest. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about."

"…Really?" he asked softly, turning towards her in surprise. "You don't think I'm weird?"

Angie smiled. "Not at all – everyone likes different things. I suppose yours could be a lot worse… frankly, I don't see anything wrong with it." she thought out loud.

"But…" she continued. "I guess I just want to know why. What about that is appealing to you?"

Derek thought for a minute, leaning over closer to Angie, his eyes still downward.

"I don't know, really." he mused. "I don't think it had anything to do with teachers, per se, I think it's just the outfit."

Angie raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

He sighed and paused for a moment, realizing that embarrassing himself further was the only chance he had to convince her. "You know, the dress shirt that's tied in the front and pushes up certain 'entities'…" he began, fingers beginning to trace her shirt.

His hands moved downward and onto her knee, gripping onto the top of her thigh firmly and running up it slowly as his eyes locked with hers, their faces growing closer once more. "…the really short skirt, the hot knee-highs and the high heels…"

Angie's breath caught in her throat as he continued, his breath now on her neck as his face dipped down and gave the skin just below her jaw a gentle kiss. His mouth stayed suspended in that spot for a moment and his breath gently dried the moisture he had left behind, finishing his explanation as his voice grew quiet.

"The pigtails I can grab onto when I…" he began, whispering the rest of the sentence in her ear as she sighed lustfully and gently bit her lower lip at the graphic imagery, turning around on the idea quicker than she thought – especially when Derek turned her head towards him and captured her lips in a passionate kiss, pulling back to look at her expectantly.

"Alright, I think I understand why now…" she whispered gently, tracing his jaw-line with her fingertips. "You're right… it sounds pretty sexy."

Derek visibly perked up, pulling his head back with a small smirk. "So, do you think you…"

"Not a chance in hell." she replied before he even finished, watching his eyebrows shoot up into his scalp as he grew immediately defensive.

"B-But… you said…!"

"I said might." Angie admitted, waving a reprimanding finger at him. "And I really only said it to get it out of you, after you teased me so bad."

Derek's face grew serious, lips in a slight pout. "That's low, Ang. Real low."

"Oh come on." she simply replied with a giggle. "That's exactly what you deserve for starting this in the first place."

Instead of giving in and laughing along with her, Derek silently stood from the couch, his expression defeated and somewhat hurt.

"Derek…?" Angie questioned, quickly rising to her feet and grabbing his arm before he could walk away. "Derek, are you serious? Come on… you teased me so I teased back – what's the matter?"

He lightly itched the base of his chin once, the very rare sight of anger in his eyes as he looked back at her, his voice quiet as he spoke.

"You're my wife, Angie. Being my wife means I'm supposed to be able to talk to you about anything without you making me feel like an idiot about it. Especially something as embarrassing as this." he replied coolly, slipping out of her grip as he walked back into their bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Angie just stood in the living room bewildered, never knowing that something that had started out as a joke was going to turn so serious so quick.

A loud sigh escaped her lips as she plopped back onto the couch and stared off into the living room, mind only coming up with one solution.

As cringe-worthy as it was, there was only one way to undo what had just been done.

--

Trying to get around it any other possible way, Angie realized that on the second day of barely being able to talk to her angry husband that she really did have no other option than to surprise him with what they had talked about days before. Shudders lanced through her each and every time it crossed her mind, the thought of her putting herself out there like that something that made her nearly sick to her stomach. However, the more and more she thought about it, Angie realized that Derek had really put himself out there too…

As far as she was concerned, if these were the types of things that were going to come from it, they were never watching Friends again.

Winding to the end of their workday with barely sentences spoken between them, Derek strolled into their office with a more benign expression, unlike the irritated one that he had been sporting the whole day long.

"Hey." he said gently, crossing his arms as he propped himself up against the wall. "I'm gonna drop you off at home and then go pick up some dinner right after – any requests?"

She gently shook her head, the softness in her voice contrasting the slightly hard edge of his. "No – whatever you feel like is fine with me."

Angie smiled gently at him afterward and he returned it briefly before walking back over to his desk and collecting his things.

On the drive home all Angie could think about was the shopping bag stashed in their guest bedroom and the items in it, and how badly she wanted to return them all and forget this whole thing ever happened.

But as Derek let her into their apartment and retreated to go get them food for their night, Angie worked quickly to bring her plans into action, knowing that the quicker she did it, the quicker it would be over-with. She sighed loudly in embarrassment as she looked herself over in the full-length mirror, realizing how much she had to love the man she married to make herself look this ridiculously slutty in order to make him happy.

It was all there – the tight, cropped, tied white dress shirt, the outrageously short skirt that nearly showed her butt even when standing fully upright, the white knee-highs and the spiked heels, and most importantly – the pigtails. Had they not been paired with the rest of the outfit Angie wouldn't have minded them so much as they did look cute on her, but seeing them just reminded her where she was, and what she was doing.

She was right from the start – this whole idea was beyond ridiculous.

And as far as she was concerned, it was never happening again.

All she needed was a few seconds to take a breath and get herself together, but of course that was denied as the door clicked open and Derek's voice called out to her, leaving her no choice but to go for it.

"Ang – I'm home. Can you come out here for a second?"

Angie smiled, realizing that his voice was back to normal and was full of the love and affection that usually adorned it.

Was this really necessary now? Obviously something had changed – couldn't she just nix the whole idea completely?

"Angie? Where are you at, sweetie? I need some help please!"

Angie closed her eyes, realizing that whatever needed helping obviously couldn't wait long enough for her to shed the ridiculous get-up. With a pounding heart and an absurd amount of embarrassment coursing through her veins, Angie took a breath and sauntered out of their bedroom in the sexiest walk she could manage in such high heels, hearing Derek moving around not too far away in their apartment. Her mind raced, wondering what his reaction was going to be – would he even forgive her at this point? Why was he suddenly so happy, and again, if he wasn't mad, was this even worth it?

"Honey…?" she gently called out as she walked down the small hallway leading from their bedroom, propping herself up against the wall with a sexy stare as she prepared herself to turn the corner and show what she had waiting for him.

Eyes on the ground, Angie closed them and took a deep breath before stepping from the dark hallway out into the light of the living room, her eyes down on the floor as she opened her mouth.

"I hear someone has been a very bad…"

Finally gaining the courage to bring her eyes up to her husband as she really began acting the part, Angie stopped dead in her tracks as she saw his expression, changing from a small smirk to complete horror in a split second as he spotted her…

…which coincidentally, mirrored the expression on Kenneth Blackwell, who was standing directly to Derek's left, both of their shocked eyes stuck on her.

The three of them completely frozen at opposite ends of the room, all Derek could do was stare with his mouth dropped open at her, his eyes as wide as she had ever seen them before. Her hands instantly flew up to her mouth as she shrank down and let out a blood-curdling shriek, still frozen in her place out of the overwhelming embarrassment clouding the situation.

With a stammering laugh and shock still on his face, Derek dropped the bucket of KFC chicken in his hands onto the carpet in favor of reaching to his side and turning Kenneth around by his shoulders until his back was facing Angie, motioning to her to get out of sight as quick as humanly possible. Nearly in tears Angie ducked back around the corner and dashed into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her and collapsing against it as she reached up and grabbed firmly onto her pigtails with each hand, nearly ripping them out of her head as she fought the urge to scream once more. Sure that her face was now a bright purple, Angie walked over and collapsed onto the edge of hers and Derek's bed, leaning forward and gripping her head in her hands as she lowered it down onto her knees and rocked slowly back and forth, trying to find a way to get rid of the situation that continually repeated itself in her mind, and probably would for the rest of her life.

Of course, on the day she finally gave in and did something for her husband she swore she would never do, her dad had just happened to be there to share in the moment.

Of course the sluttiest outfit that she had ever worn couldn't have just been seen by the man she loved – no, it had to cross family territory as well. Only ever seen by her father as completely prim and proper, this most likely destroyed the view he had of her, and would probably end any and all eye contact between them for as long as they both lived.

Of course something like this would happen to Angie.

Only Angie.

Shooting up as her bedroom door clicked open, Angie dropped her nervousness and hung her head again with tears in her eyes as Derek gently stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Without a word he slipped his hands gently into his pockets and looked down at the ground, unable to keep his eyes there for very long as his wife was still in the costume that had caused one of the most awkward situations either of them had ever, or would ever have to endure. Hands still in his pockets he took a step towards her with a soft smirk, appreciative and very turned on by the sight in front of him, though he knew there was some major damage control to be had before he was going to be able to get anywhere near touching her.

"I'll be out in a second once I get out of this _ridiculous_ outfit!" she whispered in a huff, growing confused as Derek gently sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Don't bother." he said gently, removing his hands from his pockets and placing them in his lap.

Angie looked on at him confused. "I have to – I have to go try to fix this…"

Derek chuckled. "Yeah, he left, Ang. There was no way he was sticking around after that one."

Angie groaned and collapsed into Derek's lap as he let out a small laugh, careful to stifle it for fear that she would literally kill him. Pulling her into his lap he smiled and held her tightly, feeling incredibly remorseful that something like this had to happen because of an argument he had started.

"I'm so so sorry Angie…" he began with a chuckle, earning a slap as he was unable to control his laughing fit. He broke from their hold and leaned his head forward, hysterically laughing now at the situation amongst very choice words and small violent outbursts from the woman at his right.

Suddenly, listening to his laughs Angie couldn't help but give in as well, the both of them collapsing onto their mattress on their backs in an incessant giggle-fit that lasted minutes.

As they settled down Angie rolled over and into Derek's waiting arms, still overcome by embarrassment she knew at that moment, she was never going to live down for the rest of her life.

"Why…" she began, giggling again in mortification. "Why didn't you call and tell me? Or announce that he was coming – and WHERE did you even FIND him?!"

Derek began laughing again, doing his best to hold it in for Angie's sake. "I ran into him when I was walking back to the car from KFC – he was next door at that ice cream place you love. Got to talking, it had been awhile since we had all seen each other so I invited him over for dinner… was honestly expecting nothing like this, or else obviously things would've been different."

"Ugh." was Angie's reply, followed by a loud unhappy moan as she rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face in their mattress, hoping that maybe if she stayed that way long enough she would just pass out from lack of oxygen and get to forget about everything for the time being. "I could kill you right now!" she yelled, muffled by the fabric as Derek just laughed again.

"I'm really sorry for not calling, I am." he replied. "And you're not the only person that had it bad – I thought he was going to rip off legs off as he was leaving… obviously nobody wants to know anything relating to their daughter's sex life, but of this magnitude is just…"

Derek paused.

"I'm pretty sure he's just going to hate me now, thinking I'm some sort of kinky freak with his little girl…" he said, laughing again. "You should've seen his face, Ang… he looked so pissed off."

Hearing Derek laugh again Angie rolled back over and slapped him in the arm, nearly in tears at the situation. "It's not funny!" she shrieked. "This was absolutely the most embarrassing thing to EVER happen to me in my entire LIFE, and you're LAUGHING?!"

She rose from her position and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her foot up into her lap to remove her heels as she huffed loudly.

"We are SO even for the other night now – I can't BELIEVE I even thought of doing this! I am putting on regular pajamas, and going to bed in like, ten minutes. Ugh – I can't stop thinking about it! I'm such an idiot!"

"Angie, no!" Derek said, sitting up next to her as well and pulling her hands away from her shoes and into his chest. "You are not an idiot, we just had some very bad timing…"

He smiled. "You look beyond sexy – even hotter than I imagined it in my mind."

Angie returned the smile, still skeptical.

"And nothing would've kept me away from you at that moment…" he continued, pausing uncomfortably.

"…you know, had your dad not been there."

"DEREK!" she screamed at him though he was unable to hold in his laughter, though brief as it was.

"Listen." he finally continued, settling down as she crossed her arms angrily. "I'm sorry about getting mad the other day – it's just hard to put yourself out there to someone you're supposed to trust and feel like they're making fun of you for something you feel or think… it made me upset, but I shouldn't have stopped talking to you, I feel like this is my fault…"

"No, it's not." Angie replied. "You're not the one that decided on this, I am… and I'm sorry because I never want you to feel like you can't talk to me about anything – we were just joking around and I took it a little too far… and I am really sorry, Derek."

Leaning over to give him a warm kiss on his lips, Angie sighed contently at the feel of his kiss, something she had missed for two long days.

"For the record, I really don't have any dress-up type fantasies…" she continued, seeing Derek grow slightly disappointed. "But…" she corrected, "I do have a fantasy of someone having complete control of me from beginning to end." she said with a sexy smile, piquing his interest. "And of course, how they do it is at their complete discretion."

"Really?" Derek asked, moving closer to her. "Well, I think that can be arranged…"

Sinking into a passionate kiss as they lowered back onto the mattress and Derek rolled on top of her gently, Angie pushed him off in a frenzy and sat back up, fueling his concern.

"No! It's so weird right now, there's no way I can go through with it!" she said, gripping onto both sides of her head as hard as could be. "SO weird – I'm just going to be thinking about it over and over and I don't want to right now, I'm sorry Derek…"

The surgeon grew disappointed. "But, you're already dressed – why waste all that hard work!"

She gave him an eye.

"Sorry." he replied, "But this isn't just for you – I want to forget about this too… and I think I can put your mind on other things for a little while, at least."

He sent her a sexy smile as she began to fight with the idea in her head, closing her eyes as he leaned into her ear again.

"If you want, I can…" he started, the rest of it growing inaudible as he pressed his lips closer to her ear and whispered the rest for only her to hear.

Angie smiled as he pulled back, realizing that as her thoughts sank to a more inappropriate level that it was indeed working – he was good at getting her mind off of things.

A little too good.

Within seconds, Angie was agreeing to her husband's advances, much to his surprise and complete and utter joy.

Within minutes, both were fully enveloped in their sheets and one another, indulging in fantasies neither knew they had until days before for Derek, and minutes before for Angie.

But within hours, after rebounding from what was one of the hottest and most tiring go-arounds the pair had ever experienced in the bedroom, Derek was handing Angie her phone to place an extremely awkward call to her father, who might as well had seen her completely naked earlier that night.

As she apologized for the situation and talked with her father briefly, Derek held Angie's hand for support, knowing that he would much rather show her his love than make the situation worse by embarrassing her even further. She had made a large sacrifice for him and he was appreciative of the trust they shared, not wanting to break it in any way by making her feel more uncomfortable.

Well, not yet anyway – they were very close right now, and it would be better if nothing ruined that.

"_Besides…"_ Derek thought as she wrapped up the conversation, a mischievous smile crossing his face.

"_She's gotta know she's never living this one down."

* * *

_**Angie Thompson and Kenneth Blackwell -- "Teacher"**

**So completely embarrassing but I absolutely couldn't resist.  
**


	15. Speedos

**So I was rummaging through my writing folder on my computer, and I found this. I started it when I first got into the crack pairing generator and I wrote all of it except the last 2 paragraphs or so. It's not my best work, but I figured I'd post it because it was easy to finish and because it's been awhile since I posted a crack pairing that didn't involve just Derek and Angie. :)**

**Yeah, I'm going to warn you again - this is really old stuff, so not my best work. So, enjoy I guess!**

**Oh, and just as an update, once school slows down a little bit I'll be able to finish the next Hostage chapter. Two more scenes and I'm (finally) done.**

**Alrighty, here we go!**

**TC (c) Atlus  
**

* * *

Because Caduceus was a research hospital, it was not unheard of for all of its employees to be able to get together once in a great while.

Most of the time, it was planned around Greg Kasal's day off at Hope, so he could join in the festivities with his brother.

One bright, sunny Sunday afternoon, Derek and Angie Stiles, Tyler and Leslie Chase, Greg and Cybil Kasal, Sidney Kasal, Robert Hoffman, Stephen and Melinda Clarks, Victor Niguel and his new girlfriend Linda Reid were together for a picnic, taking place at Dr. Hoffman's sprawling mansion on the coastline of Angeles Bay. While all of them had been to Robert's place before for various work related functions, they realized just how much there was to do while spending the whole day there.

It started off with a huge potluck, each family bringing something different to add to the equation. A giant smoked turkey was the main dish, which Robert had prepared himself in his giant titanium smoker. After a large lunch, everyone slowed down just a bit, before a suggestion came about from Angie.

"I know everyone's still full…so we have to wait before swimming…"

"Yes, mom…" her husband said, receiving a soft smack upside the head.

"While we're waiting…" she continued, glowering down at Derek who was still chuckling, "…how about a game of volleyball?"

"Oh, I haven't played volleyball in YEARS!" Dr. Clarks' wife Melinda reminisced, her husband saying the exact same thing.

"Come on!" Leslie Chase said, rising to her feet. "I know we're rusty but it will be a lot of fun, and something to do before we go in the water!"

She looked around for supporters, everyone slowly coming around.

"I'm in…" Derek said, slipping an arm around Angie's shoulders. "It gives me something to rub in Angie's face when I beat her."

"Hey!" she snapped, leaving Derek to laugh again. "You're so going down…"

"No, he's right… you're going to lose…" Tyler retorted, high fiving his best friend Derek.

Soon enough, everyone was pumped up for the game, leaving Greg and Sidney Kasal to stand by themselves.

"Are you guys coming…?" Victor asked, holding the door open for Linda as she walked through.

"Nah, that's okay – you guys go on ahead without us…" Greg said, Sidney nodding in agreement.

"Oh, come on!" was the instant outcry from all the attendees who were still standing on the porch.

"Don't be a bunch of party poopers…" Cybil smirked, giving Greg a quick kiss on the cheek as she tried to coax him outside.

Greg and Sidney looked at each other and smiled, turning back to them.

"Uh, we're not allowed to play volleyball…" Sidney said.

"You're not… allowed?" Angie asked.

"Nope. We've got a lifetime ban from our mom."

"You guys aren't going to play volleyball because your _mother_ told you not to? LAME!" Tyler added, to which Sidney crossed his arms and glowered, the blonde surgeon cowering a bit.

"Greg and I were very competitive as kids…" he explained gently. "The last time we played volleyball we got so mad at each other and things escalated so quickly that we ended up almost killing the neighbor's cat and sent the mailman to the hospital…"

Everyone erupted in laughter as Greg and Sidney chuckled at one of their many destructive memories.

"Well, you'll be on the same team… what could be so competitive about that..?" Leslie asked.

"Come on…!" Derek said, to which everyone began to prod the twins.

Finally they gave in, and the battle of the genders was underway.

--

"Game point!" Angie yelled to everyone as she stood ready to serve the ball, eyes locked with her husband over on the other side. She flashed a playful smile before sticking out her tongue, Derek immediately returning it. Throwing the ball up in the air and smacking it overhand with the inside of her wrist, it shot down so fast that Tyler had to pitch himself towards the ground to return it. After being volleyed back and forth a few times, Dr. Clarks hit it out of bounds and though Derek chased it nearly into the water, he was unable to return it. The women celebrated their victory for a short time, before…

"TIME TO GET IN THE WATER!" Tyler yelled, running to the bathroom with his bag.

Everyone groaned. Tyler always found it hilarious to come out with a speedo on during the company get-togethers, taking great delight out of grossing everyone out. Many people had just worn their suits as shorts or had them on underneath their clothes, but Tyler specifically brought a separate bag along to change, and most everyone got uncomfortable when they saw him dashing towards the bathroom.

"Is he seriously going to do this again this year?" Angie asked, leaning into Derek as he wrapped an arm around her.

"Every year I make fun of him." he started, propping his chin up on the top of her head and smiling as Leslie listened in with slight annoyance still evident towards her other half. "Every year he tells me he bought another one for the picnic and I always try to explain why it's embarrassing that he has nine different colored speedos, but he still thinks it's hilarious…" he trailed off, turning towards Leslie.

"Seriously, what is wrong with him?" Derek finished, smiling when he heard Angie giggle.

Leslie threw her arms up in the air with a scoff, trying to suppress a smile. "If I knew, I would tell you!"

Just as expected, Tyler came charging out of the house, now clad in a bright pink speedo. Instantly Derek was doubled over in loud, hysterical laughter, Greg and Sidney chuckled and shook their heads in unison, and all of the women pretended not to be looking.

"O-Okay…" Derek started, gasping for breath. "D-Dude, you're, hahaha… you're, hah, officially g-gay…!"

"Tyler Chase, what the hell is the matter with you? Did you lose the part of your brain that held your common sense?" Cybil shouted, trying not to look directly at him.

"I'm sorry, I don't know a Tyler Chase…" Tyler responded, putting his hands behind his head and striking his best muscle pose. "That's Mr. Banana-Hammock, to you…"

"SO gay!" Derek shouted with a laugh, now joined by his wife and most of the rest of the people there.

"You say that EVERY year!" Cybil shouted back, instantly calmed from her outburst with a soothing rub on the back from Greg.

"You know, guys…" Tyler started, ready to launch into a tirade concerning the lack of humor his colleagues had, when he noticed their laughter instantly die down and their eyes grow wide.

"What…?" he asked, looking downward. "Am I having a wardrobe malfunction or something?"

"Oh my God…" Dr. Clarks whispered under his breath, placing a hand over his mouth as he looked on in disbelief, a shocked laugh coming from him every so often.

"What?!" Tyler shouted, "What is so fun—"

And just as he turned around to try to figure it out, Tyler spotted Dr. Hoffman walking towards the group wearing nothing but a smile…

…and a bright blue speedo.

Tyler instantly froze in complete horror, trying his best not to look completely repulsed by the sight in front of him and quickly learning that no matter how awful it was to look, he couldn't remove his eyes from the sight. It was like a car wreck – a very hairy old car wreck.

Everyone became instantly quiet, unsure of what they were supposed to do, especially because Dr. Hoffman was sporting a huge smile on his face.

"Hey everyone – did I miss anything?"

Tyler instantly looked down at the ground as the elder doctor stood uncomfortably close to him, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"Uh, n-no, D-Doctor Hoffman…" Angie spurted out, trying to keep in her laughter and also keep her eyes as far up as possible at any cost. "I think Tyler was just about to lecture us about something…"

"Really?" Dr. Hoffman said, giving Tyler a squeeze as the blonde closed his eyes and tried his best to hide the disgusted look on his face.

"_You are an old man in a speedo, and I am in a speedo too... PLEASE for the love of everything stop touching me!"_

"Was it because they don't like your swimwear, Tyler?" Dr. Hoffman questioned, paying no mind to the laughs and snickers coming from his staff. "Well, let them have it!"

"No." was Tyler's quick, quiet reply, accompanied by incessant head shaking. "Nope, uh, I wasn't going to say anything, Dr. Hoffman…"

"Oop! Oh no no…" Dr. Hoffman interjected cheerfully, giving Tyler another squeeze around the shoulders as he remained standing next to him. "That's Doctor _Banana-Hammock_, to you!"

At this point the rest of the staff was unable to hold it in anymore, starting to laugh generously at the uncomfortable situation unfolding in front of them, and the hilariousness of the fact that the prank master was being outdone… big time.

Tyler sighed heavily, refusing to look up at Doctor Hoffman, who still had a giant excited smile on his face. He dropped his shoulders and lowered his voice, finally ready to put an end to it.

"You're trying to teach me a lesson, aren't you.." Tyler stated softly, only loud enough for Robert to hear.

"You bet I am. Is it working?"

"Faster and better than any lesson has ever worked on me before."

"Good, good… now, tell the people what you've learned."

Tyler sighed again loudly and closed his eyes, opening them shortly after but still keeping his gaze on the ground.

"Today I finally learned why this is in no way funny, at all."

Cybil started clapping loudly, followed closely by Victor as he yelled a loud "FINALLY!" into the air.

"That's good…" Robert said out loud with a smile as he released Tyler and stepped away from him. "And what are we never going to do again?"

"Make eye contact with you?" Tyler replied.

Another round of laughter rippled through the staff.

"No, Tyler…" Robert said, laughing loudly.

Tyler sighed again.

"…wear speedos to company picnics …"

"That's better." Robert said with a smile. "Now, if you'll all excuse me, I think my work here is done… and I am going to change out of this ridiculous thing immediately."

Cybil started cheering again for Dr. Hoffman and clapping, everyone else following suit. Leslie quickly ran up the hill of the backyard and to hers and Tyler's car to grab the swim trunks she had packed for him out of the trunk even though he had vehemently denied them so many times.

"Oh, before I forget…" Robert said, turning around towards his staff.

"If anyone else at the hospital hears that you all saw me in a speedo, you're fired."

As Robert walked away, Tyler shuddered in place as Derek walked up to him laughing still, narrowing dodging a punch to the arm as the blonde swung at him for laughing.

"Whoa there, killer… be careful or you're gonna mess up your manicure!"

"I hate you."

"You do not."

"SO do…"

"Whatever – that was so worth seeing, even if it was incredibly disturbing..." Derek chuckled, just as Leslie came back with his trunks. Not even bothering to take the speedo off, Tyler just frantically pulled them on and tied them tightly, still refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"You know what we should do…" Sidney began loudly, just as Robert returned to the party. "Have a volleyball rematch… one where we don't LET the girls win…"

"Excuse me?!" Angie replied with a shriek and an evil grin, grabbing the volleyball from the ground. "LET us win? Yeah right!"

"Yeah, we'll just beat you again so you see it wasn't a mistake!" Leslie grinned, sticking her tongue out at Sidney who just raised an eyebrow at her. "We'll even let you serve first!"

"Well, now that Mrs. Clarks isn't playing, we're lopsided…" Angie said, looking around for a remedy.

"OH, I know!" Dr. Hoffman offered with a smile. "…you guys can have Mr. Banana Hammock!"

Instantly, everyone burst out into laughter again except Tyler, who stood visibly pissed off before he realized something.

He had promised in front of everyone never to wear a speedo again…

…to a company PICNIC.

Tyler smiled to himself, gladly walking over to the girls' side with a happier expression on his face as he reveled in his sweet loophole for revenge.

It was going to be a very hilarious Christmas.

* * *

**Robert Hoffman and Tyler Chase -- Speedos**

**:)  
**


	16. Life Drawing

**I'm on quite the updating spree, lately. It even surprises me, to be honest :)**

**This is a... different one. Kind of weird, but I just had the thought in my head while playing with the crack pairing generator and had to go with it. That's how this was supposed to work anyway, right?**

**Anyway, hope you like this one - thanks for all the feedback and thoughts you all have sent lately.. you are all awesome!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Derek?"

Spacing out yet again, Derek Stiles pried his gaze from the cityscape of Angeles Bay and whirled around slowly in his chair to face his assistant.

"What's up, Angie?" he asked with a small smile.

"Should I bring in Mr. Cox for his follow-up now?" she asked, already poised to walk out the door and do it anyway, no matter what his answer was.

"Sure, send him in." Derek replied, rising from his chair and moving over to the examination table at the other end of the room.

Elliot Cox strolled into the exam room comfortably, a small smile on his face as he did so.

"Good morning, Mr. Cox." Derek quipped, returning his patient's smile. "You're looking very well – how are you feeling?"

Elliot broke into a full grin as he jumped up onto the table. "I feel great Derek – and it's all thanks to you!"

Derek chuckled. "Well, thank you... I appreciate that."

Before Derek could continue, something tugged at his thoughts as he passed over the rocker, noting that he looked quite different from the last time he had seen him. Dressed in a crisp button-down shirt and khaki pants, Elliot had also gotten a hair cut since Derek had performed the surgery to remove polyps from his throat. The first time they had met, the man was practically a slob – now much more put together, it was hard for Derek to even recognize his own patient.

"I'm sorry..." Derek said, shaking his head. "I spaced out there for a moment – you've changed so much since I last saw you! What does the band think of your new image?"

Elliot's smile dropped, confusion now on his face. "Band? What band?"

Now it was Derek's turn to halt again, remorse in his expression. "Oh, I'm sorry Elliot... you're not a part of the band anymore?"

Elliot still sat confused. "Derek, I think you may be confusing me with someone else. I have no idea what band you're talking about."

"_Why does he keep calling me Derek?"_ the doctor thought to himself, shaking the thought from his mind as he moved onto more important questions.

Derek's right hand raised up to the back of his head to scratch it in slight embarrassment and confusion. "That's why we did the throat surgery, remember? We had to remove the polyps from your throat so it wouldn't affect your singing career. I swear that was you..." he mused, eyes shooting down to the chart he was holding in his hands.

However, looking down greeted Derek with a sight of his own two hands, which were bare – no chart in sight.

"Derek, are you sure you're feeling alright? I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about right now." was Elliot's simple reply.

"Hang on, I swear I wrote it in your chart... if I could just remember where I put it..." Derek trailed off, spinning around to look on his desk. When he came up empty, the surgeon backed up a few steps as he thought to himself, alerted only when he backed into something and almost toppled it over. Whirling around quickly did nothing but fuel his confusion.

The item in question was an easel, and he had nearly knocked the canvas off of it when he bumped it.

"What is this doing here?" he exclaimed loudly, throwing his hands up into the air. "And where did it come from?"

Elliot paused solemnly for a moment, before breaking out into a smile.

"You had me going there for a moment, Derek. I just never know with you – you're so good at tricking me sometimes!" he said, just as both of his hands rose up and began working at the top button of his shirt.

"Wait a second-" Derek interjected, holding out his hand from the other side of the room to try to get Elliot to stop. "What are you doing? You don't need to unbutton your shirt, I can see your throat just fine without that... I just need to remove the bandage, and..."

"Okay seriously, Derek, the joke is over – let's stop messing around and get to work." Elliot chuckled, becoming visibly startled when the surgeon suddenly began to yell.

"JUST HANG ON A SECOND!" Derek shouted, slight nervous squeak to his voice. "Stop touching your shirt, and just HANG ON a second!"

Derek paced towards Elliot just slightly, hand still held out in an attempt to get him to stop what he was doing.

"I have to admit to you, I am confused beyond belief. It's probably my fault, but I just need to clear things up real quick. I'm not sure what you're doing, but the only thing that I, personally, am here to do, is to check your throat after your surgery. It'll be real quick, and we'll be done – I just need to remove your bandages."

Elliot's eyebrows raised as Derek quickly came closer, but he began to laugh again as the surgeon's eyes shot wide open and he backed up again quickly.

There were no bandages.

And his throat was in pristine condition – no scar in sight.

In shock, Derek just dropped into the chair he had backed up into, now seated directly behind the easel as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"_What the HELL is going on right now?"_ his brain screamed, trying to put it all together.

Unfortunately, he didn't have time – and things were about to get a lot more complicated.

"Oh good, I thought you would never be done messing around." Elliot said with a laugh, his shirt now completely unbuttoned. "When you do this drawing, can you make me look less fat than the last one? I know I've put on a couple pounds but I really don't want to see it in art form."

"Elliot, seriously just wait –" Derek tried to butt in, but could not deter the man in front of him from his mission.

"You know this is going to take awhile, I just want to get started while I still feel good enough to be in one position for a long time..."

Elliot spoke the statement quickly – and much to Derek's horror, it was almost as quickly as he had removed his pants.

"Alright, enough is enough! You need to put your clothes back on immediately!" Derek yelped, feeling his right hand moving on its own accord. Looking down he noticed he had unconsciously picked up a pencil, his hand now growing closer to the canvas in front of him.

"Bah!" he yelled, throwing the pencil across the room. It nearly hit Elliot, who dodged it with a laugh.

"Derek, stop! That's sharp – and I wouldn't want you to hit any sensitive areas..." he said with a grin, thumbs now hooked in the elastic of his boxers as he began pushing them down and off of his body.

Without even knowing it was happening, Derek's eyes immediately closed themselves and a loud scream erupted from his throat...

-o-

"AAHH, STOP!"

Derek Stiles sat completely upright with a scream, sweat dotting his forehead and his breaths heavy. With a quick glance around him, the surgeon noted that he was no longer in the exam room, but in his bedroom – safe and sound in his bed, no naked men in sight.

"Dear GOD, what the hell..." Derek muttered, quickly burying his face in his hands to muffle his cries of agony.

"D-Derek?"

After hearing his wife's voice, Derek quickly snapped out of his funk as he felt Angie's arms reach and tighten around his waist.

"Angie!" he said quickly, turning around and grabbing onto her upper arms. "Angie, please tell me – who is Elliot Cox?"

She paused for a moment, tired brain trying to think of the answer as her eyes spontaneously continued to close out of exhaustion.

"Elliot?" she asked sleepily. "You mean the rock guy with the throat polyps?"

Derek chuckled and closed his eyes, whispering a silent 'thank you' to the man upstairs.

"Yes, that's the one." he whispered happily, opening his eyes to see his very confused (and very fuzzy) wife staring at him with a tired but confused expression.

"Are you going to explain?" she asked him quietly, not arguing anymore as she felt him push her back down onto their bed.

"In the morning. I don't want to think or talk about it right now." Derek replied in a whisper, moving into a spooning position behind his wife. She sighed happily as she settled into his arms, which tightened around her rib cage...

...until he was nearly strangling her.

"Derek?" she asked, not receiving an immediate reply. "Derek, you're going to crush my ribs."

The traumatized surgeon only let up slightly, still squeezing the life out of his wife as he fought to rid the images from his nightmare from his mind. He gripped onto her with all he had, a real-life reminder that he was married to a woman and still not in the presence of any naked men.

"Derek? Seriously – can't breathe."

"Angie, just let me hug you. Please, just let me hug you."

"Okay, just lighten up a little." she replied, sighing happily when he loosened his grip just enough to allow her to breathe.

As far as Derek was concerned, she could sleep in a little bit of discomfort. It was her fault for deciding to be nostalgic and turn on the movie Titanic earlier that night – the portrait of the naked lady must have stuck in his head and carried over in his dreams.

But unfortunately for the doctor, it couldn't have carried over the right way – it had to distort to a way that was just... painful. Every time his eyes closed, he relived it – over, and over, and over...

Derek tightened his grip on Angie again and let out a loud sigh.

Maybe he would be able to sleep tomorrow night.

* * *

**Derek Stiles and Elliot Cox - Life Drawing**

**:)**


	17. Cactus

**Well, nursing school is having it's dirty little way with me. But, I'm still around and playing with the crack pairing generator, so I guess this is good news for everyone.**

**I'm working on the next chapter for How Strong, but it's getting really dark and depressing so I decided to break it up with this. **

**I should be studying. But if you look at it, this was my extra hour of daylight savings! Woohoo!**

**I have to say this is a warning for offensive language in this chapter. Just so you know and are not offended, someone in this chapter has a pottymouth.**

**Oh well - enjoy!**

* * *

It was no secret - Greg Kasal was a pretty smooth guy.

However, even pretty smooth guys always have one moment in time where they realize a member of the opposite sex is important enough to cause them a great deal of anxiety.

And that member of the opposite sex just so happened to be Cybil Myers.

After enough time flirting like a bunch of pubescent teenagers, Greg had finally gone for it and willed himself to ask her on a date. Unfortunately for him, his 'smoothness' evaded him at the one moment he needed it most, and what was supposed to be a nice pick-up line came out like he had acquired a horrible stutter. It was almost as if he had transported back in time, stepping into the shoes of an awkward teenager previously mentioned.

And that was why he was shocked when she had the decency not to laugh in his face, and also, agree to a night out.

Now, he just had to find a way to erase that incredibly embarrassing encounter from not only Cybil's brain, but his own as well.

_And probably also Sidney's, because that stupid jerk is never going to let me live this down..._

Greg sighed out loud, leaning back in his desk chair as he stared out the window. There would probably have to be a point in time where he stopped shamelessly divulging the details of his life to his brother.

Right hand briefly rested on his chin, Greg pulled it back down into his lap as he sighed again, remembering what Cybil had told him the other day about his face-stroking habit.

_"If you don't quit rubbing your damn face so much you're going to grind it down to the bone!"_

He smiled briefly. She wasn't an easy catch - Cybil Myers was full of fire and she wasn't afraid to let everyone see it. He knew inside that he preferred it that way, because it made her all the more interesting and unable to forget about.

Well, besides the small fact that even if he tried, she would never LET him forget about her...

Pulling away from his random train of thought, Greg started going over his options once more. He had to find a way to impress her before their date, so they would start out on the right foot and not with the completely dorky way that he had managed to ask her to such a night.

_What the hell do you do for a woman who is tougher than most men I know?_

And just then, a lightbulb went off over Greg's head, a smile trickling onto his face as he whirled his desk chair back around and began typing furiously at her computer.

Many people tried playing up to her tough side to win her affections, but Greg knew that would never work.

He was simply going to have to catch her off guard.

-o-

"Hey - what's going on?"

Greg cradled his phone between his shoulder and ear as he finished buttoning his dress shirt for work.

_"Nothing - just on my way in."_ was the response on the other line from Sidney. _"I just called to see if you thought of anything yet?"_

"Anything for what?"

_"To cover up how big of an ass you made out of yourself the other day."_

Greg scowled. "Are you ever going to let this go?"

_"I most certainly am not. These opportunities don't come around often, you know."_

"Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm starting to hate that I talk to you about this shit."

_"Yeah, I'm starting to hate that I care. But you know it's never going to be any different, so why don't you quit your whining and just tell me what you thought of. Therefore, I can forewarn you if it's completely lame."_

"Man, I feel sorry for your team today - seems like you're in a real ballbusting sort of mood, Sid." Greg said with a chuckle.

"Well, I had to think of something unexpected. She an intimidating woman, so I figured I would play at her feminine side."

_"Which means?"_

"I got her the most enormous flower arrangement I could find. And all gorgeous exotic ones too - none of that cheap shit."

_"You really think that's going to win over the 'Iron Vixen'?" _Sidney said with a laugh.

"Actually I do. Especially because I wrote a damn nice card with it too, if I do say so myself." Greg replied, switching the phone to his other ear. "And you forget I've known her a long time - people assume because she's so tough she doesn't like to be treated like a lady. It'll work like a charm - I promise."

_"I'll assume for now you know what you're talking about."_ Sidney replied. _"But I've gotta run - catch you later."_

"See ya."

Greg sighed again as he grabbed his car keys and took one last look at himself in the mirror before leaving. The flowers had been delivered yesterday and there was no response from Cybil as of yet - he would just have to wait to see her at work that day.

Hopefully, he didn't screw it up worse.

-o-

Two hours had passed since Greg arrived at Hope Hospital, and still no sight of Cybil.

By 9:30 he could barely take it anymore and decided to take it upon himself to travel to her office to see what she was up to. Hands in his pockets, he stepped just outside her closed door and brought one hand up to knock gently. Hearing a muffled voice telling him to enter, he did just that, and slowly swung the door open gingerly.

Cybil's eyes moved from the papers in front of her to her new visitor, and her expression instantly changed from benevolent to malicious in the blink of an eye.

Surreptitiously, Greg felt his heart began to hammer away in his chest, hearing it in his ears as one main thought flooded his brain.

He had managed to screw it up.

"Hey, Cybil." he said softly, a slight stutter to his voice reminiscent of the other day. "Good morning."

The Iron Vixen's gaze dropped to a more vindictive level as her arms crossed themselves in front of her.

"Don't you 'Hey Cybil, good morning' me!" she snapped, causing the surgeon to rear back a bit. "What the hell do you want?"

Greg's eyebrows shot up into his hairline at the outburst, slowly beginning to work at the problem to figure out what it was, and how to put out the flames.

"I just... I hadn't heard from you this morning or yesterday and I came to see how you were doing."

Cybil now sprung up from her chair, arms still crossed.

"Oh, I'm doing just fine, thank you SOO much for coming to check on me! I wish I could have found some time in my morning to come and talk to you, but I was too busy trying to stop myself from coming to KICK YOUR ASS!"

Her hands slapped down onto the desk with a loud clap, causing the surgeon to jump in his already uneasy state. Greg took a full step backward as he silently wished he wouldn't have closed the door behind him. Now he was lacking an escape route for what was sure to apparently be the ass-kicking of a lifetime.

"Cybil, I'm sorry!" he spurted out quickly, hands out in front of him to signify his weakness in the moment. "I didn't mean to offend you, I -"

"Oh, save your shit, Kasal!" she threw back, cutting him off completely. "You know exactly what you did, because you even wrote the damn message to rub it in."

She threw her hands up in the air and let the fall back to her sides, trying to hold back a laugh in the middle of her anger. Had she not found the time to laugh, she would have ripped him limb for limb at that point - he was mighty lucky.

"I can't believe I actually got excited about this stupid date!" she cried, now dropping Greg from surprise to dejection. "I mean, there's not knowing women, and then there's just outright trying to be a jerk - I should have known this was a stupid prank all along! Well, ha FREAKIN ha, Greg - you got me! Happy now?"

Greg just stood there stunned, completely unsure of what to say or do besides just stand there.

"I asked you a question!" she cried again, the surgeon immediately stammering out an answer.

"W-Well, I, uh..." was his graceful start, picking up the pace when he saw the woman in front of him cross her arms with impatience. "I just, I was so embarrassed with the way I asked you out the other day that I figured I would try to even it out by doing something nice..."

"Something nice!" Cybil exclaimed, voice rising in both pitch and volume as she stormed around her desk and towards him, causing him to take another large step backwards. "Tell me, Greg. Do you really think that insulting the way I look constitutes doing something nice?"

She reached forward with the last word and shoved his left shoulder, nearly sending him toppling over into her bookcase as she just stood firm in front of him, hands now on her hips. She had moved into her assault phase, which Greg knew wasn't going to turn out well...

"I don't understand why you were offended, but I'm so sorry - please..."

"Greg." she bit, again stopping him short. "What did you put on that card, do you remember?"

He stared back into her eyes, feeling the stare she gave him burn through him like a hot knife through butter. He remembered every word he wrote, but was it really a good idea for him to answer?

Yes, yes it was. It was worse for him to not answer.

"I put on that card that I tried to find something as beautiful as you, and I thought what I sent would have done the trick."

"Bingo." she replied, waiting for him to put it together.

Greg just stood silent in fear for his life, knowing that she was waiting for him to speak but having absolutely no clue what he should or could say to help.

"You REALLY don't get this." Cybil said more in disbelief than in question, hands now firmly back on her hips.

"Please don't kill me." was the soft reply from the surgeon, prompting a smirk from the Iron Vixen as she knew she had him feeling the guilt he deserved.

"You wanted to send me something as beautiful as I am, right?"

"That was the plan, yes."

Cybil's eyes suddenly narrowed again as her mouth opened wide.

"THEN WHY DID YOU SEND ME A FUCKING CACTUS, YOU DICK!"

Greg's mouth dropped open in horror at the revelation, his brain trying to furiously put it all together. There was no way he would send her a cactus. There was no way he ORDERED a cactus. Was she kidding? Cactuses were the most hideous plant...

And just then, Greg immediately realized what had brought her to this angry state.

"Oh God." he started out, putting his hands up again to try to stop her from verbally or physically assaulting him any further. "Cybil, I didn't-"

"Oh SAVE IT, Doctor!" she replied. "I mean, of all the asshole moves I've ever seen, Greg! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shove that cactus straight up your-"

"I DIDN'T SEND YOU A CACTUS!" he yelled over her in panic, immediately quieting her down as the outburst caught her off guard.

"Well, you obviously sent me a cactus, because it's sitting right over there and your card is with it." Cybil said, pointing over to the corner of the room where the small, sad, ugly plant sat. Greg reared back when he laid eyes on it, now understanding why she was so offended. It was truly stupid looking, and he really didn't blame her for the assault she had just launched.

"I'm serious, and I can prove it." he said, walking around the back of her desk and to her computer, as he signed into the website he had used to deliver the flowers and pulled up the order form. He heard heels clicking as she quietly walked to the other side of her desk, waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing.

With a soft smile, he turned the computer screen around to face her when he had found what he was looking for. She gave a small hesitant stare to him before obliging and turning her gaze toward the screen and beginning to read. On first sight of the beautiful bouquet on the screen her expression lightened a bit, and it had turned completely to guilt ass he finished reading the invoice and the message that had accompanied the wrong delivery.

She stood quiet for a moment, now unsure of how she was supposed to undo the attack she had just launched at the poor surgeon.

"Please tell me you know I actually want to go on this date and would never do something like that?" Greg finally said, breaking the silence. Cybil's eyes turned back towards him as her hands came up to her face, one on each cheek to cover up the near-purple that now covered them in her embarrassment.

"Greg, I am so SO sorry..." she began, voice barely audible. "I can't believe I just did that."

Greg just laughed, rising from her seat and walking slowly around her desk to where she was standing.

"No apology necessary - I should have gotten my head ripped off for that one. But, it was my intention to send you something actually beautiful and not a cactus, so someone at that place is going to get THEIRS ripped off as soon as I go back upstairs."

Cybil smiled as they both shared a small laugh, before she began to shake her head in embarrassment again.

"Cybil." he started, pulling her hands from her face and holding them in his as his dark eyes pierced hers. She was barely able to make eye contact with him as he spoke, though he held her gaze somehow anyway.

"You are the sexiest, most beautiful women I have ever laid my eyes on." he began, voice lowered down to a husky whisper. "I've been waiting to take you out for a long time now, so can we just forget about this and have a good time tonight?"

Cybil nodded, dropping her defense a bit. "I've been looking forward to it too... and you are not a dick. So, uh, sorry about that..."

Greg just laughed, squeezing her hands once gently. "And you are not a cactus. Are we good now?"

"Sure are." she replied with a smile, face still red from her overwhelming embarrassment.

"Alright. I'll pick you up at 8." he said, retuning her smile gently as he opened the door.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to pass that verbal beating onto the person actually responsible for this." Greg said with a laugh as Cybil shook her head again, a smile making its way back onto her face again as he flashed his winning grin her way, before removing herself from the room completely.

And after she was sure he was gone, Cybil collapsed back into her desk chair, her forehead meeting her desk a few times as she tried to rid herself of the horrifying embarrassment that had just unfolded.

She stopped short, a small smirk crossing her lips just before her forehead met the wood one last time.

She was simply just going to have to make it up to him later that night.

-o-

On the way back up to his office, Greg felt a buzzing in his pocket and pulled his cell phone out into the open to check it.

"Hey Sid, what's up?"

_"Oh, nothing. You were right earlier - I was in a ball-busting sort of mood. As a result, my team is now doing the brunt of my work and I have a few minutes to spare."_

"How generous of you. But I don't really have time to chat, I'm on a mission."

_"That's fine - I just called to see what she thought of the monstrosity you sent her."_

Greg paused before answering, shuddering silently before finding the perfect answer to deter having to relive what had just happened.

"Hey Sid - remember how earlier we were joking about there being a time where I stop telling you all of the details of my personal life?"

_"I do."_

"Well, that time is now."

Greg flipped his phone shut before he could hear a rebuttal and smiled as he slid it into his pocket. Guilt didn't cross him in the least in the moment, especially because he had something more important to do.

Verbally abuse an internet salesperson.

* * *

**Greg Kasal and Cybil Myers - Cactus**

**I don't know where my brain comes up with these things.**


	18. Pole

**This one is crack if I've ever seen it. I don't know how I created a story out of this. I really just must be motivated to hang out on the couch.**

**Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (belated). I hope everyone likes this little blurb. Usually I write about Derek and Angie having twins, but in this one they just have one kid, to make my life easier.**

**This is also to Parsat - I'm sure I'll write you something better or something you actually asked for, but for now, hopefully this will tide you over :)**

**Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Any child from a colder part of the United States knows the beauty of a snow day.

When there is so much snow or ice that it makes travel unsafe, schools are forced to close for the day, leaving their students to get extra sleep, play outside with friends, and throw a wrench in their parents' plans for a normal day.

But when snow comes to the warmer areas, such as Angeles Bay, panic ensues.

Whole cities are quickly shut down as residents realize they are completely unaware of how to handle such a phenomenon. The news dominates the radio, TV, and internet as friends and family chatter about the situation, many opting to remain in their homes for the day.

Except of course, for the Caduceus staff.

"The fricken place could be blown away by a tornado and we'd still be performing surgery..." Angie muttered her breath, leaning forward against her steering wheel to see the road better. The windshield wipers came up and went back down, clearing away large white snowflakes as more quickly took their place.

The blonde nurse wouldn't have even had to go to work today had it not been for the snow - one of the other nurses who was going to stand in for her for the day had unfortunately totaled her car on her way in, leaving her too shaken to work. She walked away without a scratch but was given a pass for the day by Sidney, leaving Derek to call and wake up his sleeping wife to join him for an emergency surgery.

Angie's green eyes flickered down to the speedometer - she was going a whopping 23 miles an hour. Unfortunately, it was one of the faster speeds she had hit through her travels to work, and she was sure she'd be going faster if it wasn't for one little detail...

"Mommy?"

Angie's gaze quickly flashed into the rearview mirror and then back down to the road, seeing that her six-year-old son was in no imminent danger in the backseat.

"Yes, Alex?"

"Mom, look what I can do!" he exclaimed, contorting his face into a look that made him look horribly deformed. No doubt, it was taught to him by his Uncle Tyler.

"You're going to have to show me once we get to Mommy's work, sweetie. Driving isn't easy and I've got to pay attention so we get there safe."

Without even looking at him, she could feel her son's dejection. So with a smile, she reached into her cupholder and grabbed her cell phone, nearly sliding through the intersection as her SUV fought against ice to come to a stop.

"Okay now, let me see." she said, turning around and laughing as her son displayed his cute but deformed face for her to see. She giggled as she snapped a picture of him, quickly using her voice activated car system to send it to her husband.

Tires spinning and kicking snow everywhere, Angie's car began to advance through the intersection as the light turned green, taking awhile to finally catch some traction as she moved forward, white knuckles gripping her steering wheel in her nervousness. It wouldn't bother her had Alex not been in the car, but she had become a lot less likely to take chances since she had him - and it was one of the reasons it had taken over 45 minutes to make a 15 minute drive.

No sooner did she get through the intersection than her phone rang through her car speakers, scowl on her face as she picked it up.

"Hey."

_"So, I see Alex is keeping busy."_ Derek said on the other line with a chuckle. _"How's the drive? Are you alright?"_

"Yeah, we're making it..." she said, gritting her teeth as someone in a truck cut her off. "I'm having more of a hard time not cussing out these other idiots on the road."

"Mooom! Idiots isn't a nice word!" Alex whined from the backseat, prompting his mother to scowl and Derek to laugh on the other end.

"I know, Alex. I'm sorry." she replied, turning on her signal to finally pull into Caduceus. "But hey, Derek - we're pulling in. I'll see you in a few."

Ending the phone call, Angie pulled up into the parking structure and into her assigned space. After quickly gathering their things, she grabbed her son's tiny hand and led him through the lot and into the building, bumping immediately into Sidney Kasal.

"Well, look who it is!" Sidney said with a soft smile, casting a glance over to Angie who just stood ready to rip him apart if he dared say anything about her bringing her son to work with her.

"Hi, Mr. Sidney!" Alex quipped which caused Sidney to laugh, the child calling him the not-quite-so-formal Mr. Sidney pretty much since he could talk.

"Pretty much the only people that made it here besides who was required was the daycare staff - lucky break, huh?" Sidney said with a smile to Angie, who just laughed in response.

"Not quite - I wouldn't leave him with those half-wits. Luckily for us, Victor owes me a favor."

She suddenly paused, her confused expression mirroring Sidney's.

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But, I'd rather have someone teach him about the periodic table instead of having someone not watch him and let him choke on a Lego again."

"That's fair. Alright then, see you later, Alex!" Sidney replied with a smile just as Angie and Alex started quickly walking the other direction.

-o-

"Dad!"

With a smile, Derek Stiles quickly rose from his desk chair and knelt down, just as his son tackled him with a big hug.

"Hey buddy!" the surgeon exclaimed, helping the young boy take off his hat as he chatted away to his father about his morning. Angie smiled off in the distance as she took off her own jacket, finally shedding her bad mood at the sight in front of her.

"Do I get to hang out with you today, Dad?" Alex asked with a hopeful smile as Derek peeled off his jacket, the surgeon's expression changing to sadness at the expression.

"I'm sorry Alex - Mom and Dad have to go to surgery real soon, so you're going to hang out with Uncle Victor until we're done. And then, we'll all go home and we'll play in the snow, alright?"

"Okay!" he replied, eyes lighting up as Derek tousled his hair.

"There's my favorite little man!"

Derek and Angie both turned around to see Tyler in the doorway, Alex already sprinting to him where he was promptly scooped up off the ground. "I've got someone who's wanted to see you all morning!" And just like that, Tyler removed himself and Alex from the room, on their way to go see Leslie.

"I'm so sorry you had to come in." Derek said gently scooping up his wife in a gentle hug. "I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

"Sounds like a plan to me - this morning has sucked." she replied, nuzzling into his chest.

Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I know - but we've got two days off after this.. just keep your eyes on the prize, alright?"

Right before Angie could reply, a familiar grumpy colleague appeared in the doorway, disgusted with the display of affection in front of him.

"Could you two, just..." Victor started with exasperation.

"Not love each other anymore?" Derek finished jokingly. "Alright, but only because you asked nicely." he finished, pushing Angie softly away from himself with a disgusted expression as she just laughed.

"Whatever." Victor replied, trying to hide a smirk. "Where's your spawn?"

"He has a name, you know..." Angie retorted, smile growing on her face as she watched her son grip onto Victor's left leg from behind.

"Uncle Victor!"

"Hey kiddo." was Victor's unemotional reply, looking down as he tried to figure out how to get the child detached from his leg.

"Alright - it's time for us to go. We'll be back in a few hours - good luck!" Derek exclaimed as he and Angie quickly scurried out of the room and down to surgery.

Victor just sighed as he hobbled lopsided into the room, Alex still attached to his leg.

It was going to be a long day.

-o-

An hour had already passed since Victor was left with Alex. The researcher was seated at Derek's desk, eyes skimming a copy of Scientific American as the younger boy played with some toys he had brought.

"Uncle Victor?" a soft voice said. "What are you doing?"

"Reading." Victor replied, eyes still on his magazine.

"About what?"

"Science."

"What kind of science?"

"The evolution of reproduction."

"What's reproduction?"

Victor paused, smirk crossing his face before he realized what it was like to cross Angie Stiles in any way shape or form.

"Ask your dad later."

"I'm bored." Alex sighed, putting his head down on the table.

"Why don't you take a nap then?"

"I'm not tired." Alex whined.

"Well, I don't know. Play something else if you're bored with what you're doing."

Alex scowled. "You're boring."

Victor didn't even flinch at the remark - it was something he had grown very used to.

"I know I am. Smart people usually seem boring to everyone else."

"Whatever. You're still boring. Let's do something fun!"

Victor sighed. "This is fun." He flipped another page, stumbling onto another expose on the climate problem, which he quickly flipped past, landing on an article about technology to pass the blood-brain barrier.

"No it's not. Let's go play outside!" Alex said, standing up quickly and moving over to his pile of winter clothes.

"No, Alex. We're not going outside - your mom and dad should be done soon, let's just wait here quietly for them."

Victor's request was met with silence, save for the rustling of the young boy as unbeknownst to the researcher, had quickly piled on all his winter clothes. Sensing something was up, Victor looked up and rocketed up from Derek's desk as Alex flung open the door and went running in full winter gear towards the exit.

"Alex, wait!" Victor yelled, grabbing his own coat, scarf, and gloves as he chased the boy from the building.

-o-

"Are you done yet?"

Victor asked the question as he stood freezing, hands huddled in his pockets and face covered as much by his scarf as he could manage. He was quickly losing feeling in all of his extremities, as shown by the burning tingling he felt as he clenched and unclenched hi s hands.

"No way!" Alex replied with a laugh. "My fort isn't taller than me yet!"

Victor sighed loudly again, kicking around loose snow on the ground as he waited for the boy to tire himself out, get bored, or anything that would allow him to go back inside. Back to the comfort of a chair, back to his magazine, back to being "boring", as the boy had so nicely put it.

"Oh no!" Alex cried, prompting Victor to snap out of his grumpy thoughts and make sure the kid was alright, or whatever.

The fort plan hadn't turned out so well, as about up to his waist, Alex had accidentally tripped and smashed out a large portion of the wall. Now he stood looking at it with a pout on his face, trying to figure out if it was worth continuing or if he should find something else to do.

"Yeah, it's not a sound fortress if a big part of it is missing, kiddo." Victor shouted over to him. "Why don't we go inside now? You can help me do some paperwork or something."

Just as Victor turned to walk towards the entrance, he felt a quick tap on his back, prompting him to turn around once more and look back at Alex.

The six-year-old was now grinning, bent over and gathering another pile of snow in his hands. Victor cocked his head back and to the side, looking over his shoulder to see that he had in fact, not been tapped - but hit by a snowball.

"Alex, don't. Put that do-"

Victor didn't even get to finish the sentence as cold snow hit him once again, this time casting a blanket of snow over his face and hair. He scowled and reached his gloved hand up to brush it away, barely getting any of it off before he was assaulted yet again, this time in the chest.

"Alex, I mean it. You need to stop or I'm going to drag you inside myself and let your parents deal with you."

"Come on, Uncle Victor! It's a snowball fight - and you're losing!" Alex said with a laugh, bending down to grab more snow.

The researcher scowled yet again.

Victor Niguel did not lose at things.

A snowball fight with a six-year-old was no different.

-o-

"Okay, I give up... you win!" Victor claimed, lying on the ground and shielding his face from yet another assault. The product of Derek and Angie had his father's agility and his mother's quick wit for sure, as he had managed to avoid all but two counterattacks by the researcher.

That, and as much as Victor wanted to tightly pack a snowball with some ice and whip Alex in the face with it, he realized that he did in fact have a conscience and couldn't bring himself to actually do it.

That would have to wait for later - when Tyler was leaving.

"I win!" Alex shouted gleefully, celebrating his victory as Victor rose from the ground. The kid had even managed to get a snowball down the back of his scrubs - a cold, wet ass now something Victor was going to have to work around the rest of the day. There was snow all over him, and he was not happy about it. Especially because now, the boy was taunting him - rubbing his win in Victor's face, and even coming up with some quick little witty songs with which to drive the humiliation home.

Quite frankly, it didn't matter if he was six. It was still pissing him off.

"Alright, whatever. You win, you're awesome. Now that we're past this - let's go inside." Victor demanded with a slight plead - he was losing feeling in his ass with every passing second.

"Nope!" Alex said with a smile. "I'm going to stay out here and try to build my fort again."

"Alex, I'm serious - come on. We're going inside."

Alex dropped the smile on his face, moving to his left and towards a thin, silver light pole. He eyed Victor with a testing stare as his arms wrapped around the pole and pouted.

"I don't want to go inside, and you can't make me." he stated proudly. "Not until you win at a snowball fight."

Now Victor was really annoyed. Alex had humiliated him, gloated, and now he was back-talking and insulting his babysitter. Victor approached him, ready to forcefully pry his arms apart and drag him inside, when he had an interesting thought. He could get him with a snowball in this position, he would just have to distract him with something.

Victor smirked.

_"Let's see if you really got your parents' smarts..."_

"You want to know something cool?" Victor asked, the boy pausing before hesitantly nodding his head. Victor motioned towards the pole, "If you breathe on that pole, your breath is so warm that you'll be able to melt the ice on it.

Alex turned his head towards the pole and back at Victor disapprovingly.

"Really?" Alex asked, still skeptical.

"I'm being serious!" the researcher fired back, hoping he would take the bait so he could distract him long enough to gather some snow. Victor smiled when Alex turned back towards the pole, beginning to breathe on it as he stooped down to form a snowball.

Eyes downward, Victor tightly packed snow into a perfect ball, and as he stood up, the snowball was quickly dropped to the ground as a blood-curdling scream came from Alex.

-o-

"Ugh, I can't wait to get home." Angie said, leaning into Derek as they walked back to their office after surgery.

"I know, it'll be nice just to curl back up in bed - it's disgusting outside." he replied, pushing open the door to their office to find it empty. Taking a quick look around they noticed all of Alex's winter gear was gone, leaving them both to chuckle.

"I can't believe he convinced Victor to let him go outside..." Angie said, laughing as she pulled her cell phone out and dialed the researcher. Derek walked around to his desk and sat down, now reading teh copy of Scientific American that Victor had left behind.

"Hey Victor, it's..."

Angie went to finish that sentence but stopped short as she heard screams of her little boy in the background. Her eyes wide, she quickly grabbed her jacket and not knowing what was going on, Derek stood up and followed suit. His wife's face was panicked instantly, and he did his best to keep up.

"Victor, where are you - and what is going on?" she exclaimed, bounding out the door with Derek not too far behind her.

_"We're out back by the benches. He's fine, just come quick... and don't kill me, because this isn't my fault!"_ Victor replied on the other end before he was promptly hung up on.

"What's going on?" Derek asked, chasing his wife down as she forwent the elevator to bound down the stairs.

"I don't know - all I can hear is Alex screaming in the background. He says they're outside by the benches." she said, panic evident in her voice as she reached the base of the stairs, threw the door open and went sprinting towards the exit, Derek hot on her heels.

Busting through the doors to outside, Angie scanned the area and saw Victor over to the left of where she was and next to a light pole, her son blocked by the researcher's body.

"What's going on?" she exclaimed, Victor turning around with the fear of God in his eyes as he stepped back to let her see the situation. Angie stopped dead in her tracks as she finally saw what had brought her little boy to scream in such a way, eyes flashing a fire unlike one ever witnessed from a human being before.

Alex was standing in front of the pole, his tongue stuck to it, Victor's hand on the back of his head. The boy had fresh tears running down his face, and he was trying to talk to his mother, although his words were completely unintelligible. Standing in the background, Derek just put a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh at the situation and finding himself brought back into seriousness as he saw the look of pain and fear in his son's eyes. He brought his gaze up to Victor who was palming the back of Alex's head, with a glare that said "you have five seconds to explain this before I murder you".

"Okay, this is NOT - let me repeat, NOT - what it looks like. AT ALL. I DIDN'T do this!" Victor started. "He got freaked out so I'm holding his head so he doesn't pull back and rip his tongue off!"

After hearing the potential consequences of his action, Alex began to freak out more, pulling backwards against Victor's hand as he and his mother quickly scolded him to stop it.

"Derek, go get some hot water please!" Angie yelled, her husband sprinting into the hospital to go find some.

"Angie, I..."

"Not. Now." she growled at Victor before he could finish, turning her attention to her son instead.

"It's alright sweetie - we're going to get you out of here in just a second, I promise. You just have to do mommy a favor and DON'T pull, okay?"

In a flash, Derek was back with a closed container full of hot water, his wife standing up next to him as he neared her. She turned around to look at him with that "mama bear" look in her eyes, to which he simply smiled.

"Use the water, or beat Victor's ass?" he asked her, watching as she turned around and began to advance on the babysitter.

"Do you even have to ask me that?" she replied, before taking off in a full sprint after Victor.

With a laugh, Derek braced himself behind his son, trying to calm him as he began pouring water down the pole in an attempt to warm it and set his son free. Luckily it only took one container full of water and Alex was able to release his tongue, turning around quickly to bury his face into his father's shoulder. Derek scooped him up into a big hug and carried him towards the entrance to Caduceus, faintly hearing Angie screaming at Victor and him pleading for mercy in the distance.

Derek smiled and squeezed his son tightly before walking in the door.

-o-

"So, you never directly told him to put his tongue on the pole?" Derek said, looking at Alex for confirmation.

"No, I told him to breathe on it. He thought of that tongue business all on his own!" Victor retorted, cowering slightly as Angie was still staring him down with the look of death. "Listen, I'm really sorry - you know I think he's a cool kid - I'd never deliberately try to screw him up. I'm not Tyler."

Derek laughed to the statement. "Yeah, that's true. And we know, man - but you can't really mess with Angie's 'mama bear' instinct. I know it was an accident - but also trying to distract our son so you can assault him with a snowball isn't the best reasoning."

"See? This is why you shouldn't ask me to be around children. I wanted to spend the day doing nothing but kids don't like to do nothing. Let me watch him when he's older and boring, alright?"

"I'd rather have him swallowing LEGOS than have him hang around you again!" Angie fired back, cradling her son in her arms.

"No, mom - I had fun with Uncle Victor! It was my fault my tongue got stuck, not his." Alex said, looking up at her pleadingly.

Angie sighed. "Alright, fine - I guess it was an accident. But getting my child's tongue stuck to a pole means you owe me another favor!" she said, Victor nodding in agreement.

"Whatever, fine. Can I go change my pants now?" he asked, to which both of the Stiles' nodded, laughing as he walked away with a big wet stain around his butt.

Derek smiled, walking over to sit next to his wife and son on the couch. "So Ang, think we'll use that favor on another day of him watching Alex?"

Angie turned to her husband in horror, clutching her son closer to her for dear life.

"Not until he takes a babysitting class." she replied, to which both Derek and her locked eyes and slowly began to smile.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked, just as he rose and walked back to his computer.

"Absolutely. I'm signing him up right now." Derek said with a smile.

And that was how Victor eventually ended up getting his babysitting license, learning a valuable lesson on the way.

Don't ever mess with a Stiles.

* * *

**Victor Niguel/Derek Stiles - Pole**


	19. Internet

**Today I was bored and reading over some old reviews of this story, and they made me smile. **

**And I realized that I'm very thankful to all of you who have supported my little writing habit with your kind words and support - It was something that started so small but grew way out of control, thanks to all of you.**

**So, even though I barely have enough free time to breathe, I played with the little generator we all love so much and came up with this one. **

**Hope you like it! :)**

* * *

Long after the raid on Delphi was over, 'Adam' was still a topic that came up periodically. This was much to the hatred of Derek Stiles and Angie Thompson - the only two in Caduceus to have seen him in person.

And one day, after a conversation concerning one of the patients infected with PGS, Adam was brought up yet again. This time, surprisingly by Leslie Sears.

"I know we've been over this a million times." the nurse said, confusion in her eyes as she raked a hand through her teal hair. "But can't you be more descriptive than that? I mean, you guys still have such a hard time getting over what he looked like... can't you be more specific?"

Angie just shuddered and leaned into Derek, who put his arm around her shoulders. The three of them sat in the break room sipping coffee in between conversation on a rainy Wednesday evening, and no matter how they tried to get around it, the nurse seemed adamant on making the two of them relive it.

"Honestly Leslie, I know that we've talked about this before, but if you would have seen him in person - you would know why we don't want to be more descriptive. It's a picture both of us are trying to get out of our heads. Forever." Derek finished, shuddering also to which Angie looked up at him briefly.

"I know. And I don't know why I'm so obsessed with it - but it just bothers me that I don't know what he looks like!"

"It shouldn't." was Angie's stern reply. "I've seen a lot of horrible things as a nurse, and nothing even comes close to that. It was just... Really, there's no words to describe how disgusting it was."

Leslie nodded. "I understand. And really, I'm sorry I keep bringing it up. I just - I'm a visual person - I need a picture to put with the name when you guys discuss it. It really bugs me that I got left out."

The nurse was referring to the time that she was out sick for nearly a week with strep throat, during which Tyler and Victor were able to look through the classified files containing images from the Delphi raid, before they were sent back to the government and stored away for good. A part of her told herself that she should just let it go and draw her own mind picture, as after Tyler had seen it, he spent all of his time spent with her in the fetal position. Victor had been stunned by it also, arguably less so than his blonde surgical counterpart, but still enough to when it was brought up, he would immediately change subjects and-or rooms to avoid the discussion.

But still - something about being left out bothered Leslie. Just like Angie, she saw horrendous things on a daily basis - but it was part of her job to not let them affect her, and if she saw Adam, it should be no different.

"I guess I'll just have to take your guys' word for it." Leslie said with a slightly annoyed sigh, rising from her seat and admitting defeat, though she knew it was still going to bother her.

She began to walk out of the break room, stopping halfway and whirling around again to face Derek and Angie, who just looked on at her quizzically.

"Can you just... like, draw me a friggin picture, or something?" she asked with a soft frustrated stomp of her foot.

Derek looked back at her and contemplated the request.

"I guess I could do that." he started, to which Leslie's eyes lit up.

"Ooh, but there's one problem..." Derek started again with a snap of his fingers.

"What's that?" Leslie asked.

Derek threw his hand up in exasperation.

"I don't think my box of crayons has an EVIL colored one."

Leslie huffed in frustration as Angie began to giggle.

"I told you - that only comes in the box of 96!" she added, Derek now laughing along with her.

Leslie rolled her eyes in frustration and walked from the room, the doctor and his nurse not noticing immediately as they were still laughing.

"You know..." he started more seriously. "I could sketch her something - get her off the topic a little."

Derek smirked once and then turned to Angie, who looked at his mildly serious expression for a moment before raising her eyebrow.

"You can barely draw a star." was all she managed to get out before Derek nodded, knowing that even while trying to invoke the Healing Touch, sometimes he couldn't get it just right.

"Oh well." she said, hugging Derek tighter. "I know she doesn't think so, but it's for her own good."

Derek agreed out loud as his mind wandered silently, an idea popping into it that he knew Angie would be none too pleased with.

-o-

_...one week later..._

Leslie looked up from her desk to a knock at the door, Derek now standing in the doorway waiting for her to give him the OK to come in.

"What can I do for you, Derek?" she said with a smile but still a tiny bit of frustration at the doctor.

Her smile grew to confusion, however, when Derek closed the door behind him and walked to her desk, setting down a tiny yellow piece of paper.

"What I am about to tell you does not go any farther than the two of us - can you give me your word?"

Leslie looked up with wide eyes. It was tough for her to keep secrets, but the seriousness in Derek's eyes showed her that this was a request she couldn't afford to say no to.

"I promise."

Derek unfolded the paper and placed it in front of her. It was a scribbling of an internet address, followed by several extremely long passwords and small phrases. Leslie looked on at it for a second, before she looked up at Derek confused.

"Nobody else knows that this exists but me, Sidney, and Dr. Hoffman." Derek started. "When we sent the files of the raid back to the government, they were placed into a database that we have access to whenever we need. Those passcodes change every 12 hours for security, so if you want your look you better get on it quick."

Leslie's eyes considerably widened. She couldn't believe Derek had done this for her.

"It's self-explanatory to find. Remember, those are my log-in credentials so no poking around past that one picture - I mean it, I could get in a lot of trouble for this."

"Absolutely." Leslie said, a slight tremble in her fingers as she reached for the piece of paper and picked it up. "Derek, thank you."

The surgeon nodded. "I'm just going to say, I hope you'll think twice. Don't say we didn't warn you about it. No good can come of this."

He retreated from the room and closed the door behind him, Leslie nearly flying to her computer to input the information. She wasn't good with computers at all, so she was hoping that this database was really going to be as easy as Derek said.

Minutes after inputting the exhaustingly long codes, Leslie entered the file and immediately saw a folder marked "ADAM", of which she hovered her mouse over. She honestly did give it a second thought before she clicked on it, but after that, it was too late - she was now staring at Adam himself, the manifestation of Delphi.

Instantly, she wished she hadn't been so stupid as not to listen to the counsel of those around her. Her stomach twisted with an extreme case of nausea, a hand flying up to her mouth as she leaned to her left and vomited into her trash can.

"Oh my God..." she groaned. Derek and Angie were right - there was no way to describe something so vile, and she had never seen something like it in her life. And though this was true, she found herself unable to look away - the interest of it haunting her and burning itself into her brain, as she knew it was now never going to leave.

"Alright, I'm done." she whispered to herself, reaching a shaky hand outward for her mouse and clicking on the small 'X' in the top right hand corner to close it. She patiently waited as nothing happened, clicking again, and then again, and then once more.

Nothing. It was still staring at her.

"Oh my GOD, go AWAY!" she shouted now in fear, feeling that the pure spirit of evil had now possessed her computer with the intentions of torturing her for not listening to her friends. She repeatedly slammed the ESC key to no avail, noticing that now her mouse refused to move.

The computer was frozen. With Adam on the screen, staring into her soul.

"Holy shit! Why is this happening?" she said, unsure of what to do. Picking up the phone and dialing Derek's desk, she became even more exasperated as she received no answer.

_"Leslie Sears, to OR one. Leslie Sears, to OR one."_

"Dammit, now what?" she whispered to herself, knowing it was some kind of emergency she was needed for, but unsure of how to handle the current situation.

Thinking for a moment, Leslie reached forward and turned off the monitor, giving the computer the appearance of being off until she could return and fix it herself. She threw the paper into the drawer and bolted out of the room, nauseated all the way.

-o-

"Will you stop yelling at me?"

"Will you do your job and meet your deadlines on time?"

Victor and Tyler were at each other again, ever the married couple of Caduceus. The researcher was following the surgeon to his office to get a copy of the report that Tyler was supposed to have in his hands approximately six hours ago. Stretching the deadline for six minutes was generous to Victor - this was just plain annoying.

Tyler sat down at his computer and began scrolling through the documents folder, thinking for a moment as he came up with nothing.

"Oh, that's right." he said, rising from his chair and walking over to Leslie's desk. "I forgot I typed it on Leslie's computer."

Tyler reached forward and pressed the button to the monitor, waiting a minute for it to warm up before he was greeted with the sight that Leslie had left there before he arrived.

And then...

"...Ooh myyy GOODD! AAHH! AAHH! AAHH!"

Victor jumped back and covered his ears as Tyler hit a scream in a volume and pitch both so high he was unaware that it was possible for it to come out of a 28-year old man, let alone any other human being on the planet.

"NonononononononoNONONONONONO! Oh My GOD... OHMYGOD. NO! NO WAY... NO!" Tyler continued screaming, having already rocketed from the chair with his arms flailing wildly and to the couch, where he immediately resumed the fetal position as Victor half-laughed at him and half stared at the computer screen warily, unsure of how a picture of Adam had gotten there and how he was going to again rid it from his mind.

"Will you SHUT UP!" Victor yelled over Tyler's incessant screaming, slamming the door to try to block out the commotion they were both making. He walked over to the computer and tried to close the window, realizing why it was there, as everything was frozen as-is.

"HE WAS LOOKING AT MEE - he was looking right at me! Right into my SOUL!" Tyler whined, muffled by his scrubs as he buried his face into his knees.

Suddenly, a knock was heard at the door and Victor turned around quickly, blocking the screen with his back as Derek cautiously peeked his head in,taking a look around with a skeptical expression on his face. He landed on Tyler in the fetal position and immediately shot a look over to Victor, who was just smirking awkwardly, trying to avoid any questioning about the situation.

"What did you do to him this time?" Derek hissed to Victor, earning a roll of the eyes and some profanity from the researcher.

"I didn't do anything to him!" Victor stammered, trying to come up with something quickly. "It was... uh, it was... a SPIDER! A big, naassty spider. I got it though, no worries."

Derek stared on a Victor, and then looked back to Tyler.

"Tyler kills spiders for Leslie all the time - he never gets into the fetal position for it." he mused. "The last time I saw him in the fetal position was way back when..."

Derek stopped abruptly, walking into the room and closing the door.

"Victor, get out of the way."

"Why, I don't..."

"Victor..."

"I'm really quite comfortable as-is."

"OUT OF THE WAY!" Derek exclaimed, watching as Victor slowly moved away from the computer screen and Derek again came face to face with Adam - a vision he hadn't seen in quite some time.

"Son of a BITCH, Leslie!" Derek shouted, irate at having to see the sight again and especially at his coworker for her negligence on the matter.

"The computer's frozen - the monitor was off and we found it like this." Victor explained to Derek.

"He knows we're here! Adam has come back to life and found me!" exclaimed Tyler from the couch. "I'm going to puke... ohmyGodI'mgoingtopuke."

"Looks like someone already did that..." Derek said, grossed-out expression on his face as he looked in the trash can. "I'm just going to shut down the computer and everything will be okay."

Derek reached for the power button on the tower of the computer, ready to hold it until it shut down when he was stopped by Victor.

"Wait..." he said, angling his phone over Derek's shoulder, where he took a picture of the screen and saved it quickly. "Okay, go ahead."

"Are you SERIOUS." Derek just said incredulously, throwing his hands up in the air. "That's CLASSIFIED information - you've got to be kidding me. Delete that now!"

"I will promise you I'll have it gone in an hour. You can even check." Victor said, retreating quickly from the room as Derek grew even more angry, shutting down the computer finally.

Over the silence he could now hear Tyler whimpering softly, to which he rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Dude, it's okay. It's gone now."

"That was the fucking SCARIEST thing that has EVER happened to me!" Tyler shouted. "I have never been so close to physically shitting my pants before in my life... even after I got food poisoning at Taco Bell!"

Derek laughed. "I know dude, I'm sorry. Tell your girlfriend I need to talk to her when you see her, okay?"

"If I'm still alive." Tyler said, muffled in his pants again.

Derek left the room and about fifteen minutes later, Leslie walked hurriedly through the door to their office, stopping short when she saw Tyler huddled into a ball on their couch.

She sighed.

"Son of a bitch." she muttered, grabbing the piece of paper out of the desk.

"What?" Tyler asked, peeking his eyes up from his huddle.

"I'm guessing Derek wants to have a talk with me, huh?"

"Sure does."

"And I'm also guessing that small girl everyone heard screaming was probably you too, huh?"

"...he was LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME."

"Oh for God's sake." Leslie said as she closed the door behind her, off to go get reamed out by Derek for the mishap.

"I think I'm going to start listening to my friends..." she muttered to herself as she turned around the corner.

-o-

Another week later and things were back to normal at Caduceus. Leslie had explained herself and apologized profusely to Derek, neither Sidney nor Dr. Hoffman had heard about the mishap, and everyone involved was strictly prohibited from divulging information to Angie, as Derek wasn't in the mood for one of his girlfriend's famous "these are the 200 reasons I was right about this" talks.

Victor walked into the break room an hour before rounds were set to start to find Tyler sitting at a table and going over a chart for one of his patients.

"Hey, is that the patient in 5510?" he asked Tyler, to which the surgeon nodded.

At that moment, both Derek and Angie entered the room, followed closely by Leslie, who took a seat next to her (much calmer) other half.

"Yep. Looks like we're going to be prepping him for an EGD today. Did you need something?"

"Yeah, actually. I have some lab work that I had to sign off on, and I forgot to put it in the chart. Mind if I borrow it for a second?"

"Sure thing." Tyler replied, handing off the chart to Victor who retreated back to the lab with it.

"Good thing to see you're doing so much better." Angie said with a smile as she patted Tyler on the back. "I don't think I've ever had to give someone that much Valium.

Tyler scowled as Derek and Leslie giggled, just as Victor walked back into the room and handed the chart off to Tyler.

"Are you going to start rounds? We're right behind you." Derek said to Tyler, as Angie and Leslie nodded and all four of them walked to the doorway.

Chart in hand, Tyler strolled down the hall and Victor stood in front of Leslie, Angie, and Derek, holding them back from walking any further.

"You're going to want to stay back here." was all he said, turning around as all four of them watched Tyler stop outside of his patient's room. He pulled the chart out in front of him, opened the front cover, and...

"OHMYGOD!"

A high shrill shriek was followed by Tyler propelling the chart into the air, where it hit the ceiling and papers rained down all over the hallway. Tyler on the other hand, had since began to run away from the scene, screaming loudly into his hands which were now smashed over his face. The patient and his wife looked on from the room in severe confusion, as Derek quickly paced to the scene to play clean-up.

"Victor - what the hell just happened, what was he screaming abo-"

Anger flashed in Derek's eyes as he bent down amidst the sea of papers and picked up a small one - a print out of Adam paperclipped to the first page of the chart with a caption that said "I'M WATCHING YOU" in dark red marker. He whirled around and held it up to Victor who just backed away sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as Derek himself normally did.

"I swear to you Derek, that's the only one - I never get a chance to get him!"

"Victor!"

Derek kept his skeptical gaze until Victor finally gave in, reaching into his pocket and pulling a fat stack of Adam copies into the open, thrusting them towards Derek who forcefully took them from his hands and began to walk away.

"I'm going to shred these now, before I lose my job for leaking CLASSIFIED documents." Derek said angrily, storming off.

"I'll clean this up." Leslie said, bending down and picking up the scattered papers.

"I'll get the Valium." Angie sighed, retreating to the medication room as Victor began helping Leslie in her clean up.

And so proves an important lesson...

...sometimes your friends DO know what they're talking about.

* * *

**Leslie Sears and Adam - Internet**


	20. Mask

**Oh wow, it's been an eternity you guys. Is anyone still around these parts? (tumbleweeds)**

**I barely even remembered how to upload this, but here it is!**

**My life goal is to finish my two most recent chapter stories... but, since it's been so long and I'm rusty, I wanted to use something a little more fun to get back into the swing of things.**

**Where are all the people I used to write with? If I can get my butt back here, so can you all :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Eeeeewwwww!"

Tyler Chase put down his fork after the whine slipped from his mouth, thoroughly disgusted. His forehead furrowed as he pushed his half-finished lunch away from himself, sad expression in his eyes as he said goodbye to a wasted Taco Tuesday – his favorite.

"I don't understand why you girls always pick MEALS to relive your nursing careers…" he said, glaring up at Leslie and Angie who could only giggle. His brown eyes then turned to his best friend, Derek, who was mowing down tacos like he hadn't eaten in a week.

"How do you deal with this, dude? Like, how on earth are you still eating right now?"

Derek looked up at Tyler, then Angie. He smiled, before shrugging and returning to his taco.

"I'm married to her – you get used to things like this when you have to do it during every meal for five years."

Angie smiled initially, then turned confused as she looked back at her best friend.

"You mean to tell me you don't do this to him all the time?" she inquired, Leslie biting her lip then looking down.

"I don't." she replied. "For someone who hacks people open all day, he's surprisingly squeamish."

Tyler's eyes sprang open wide in defense. "Hey – I'd rather see guts ALL day then have to deal with what nurses do for a living… I'd be throwing up all over the place, all the time."

"Aww, that almost sounded like a compliment!" Angie quipped, smiling as she stood from her seat and started to clear away the remains of her lunch, grabbing Derek's with it.

"HEY HEY HEY, I'm not done with that!" he exclaimed loudly nearly ripping the small amount of taco left from Angie's hands as she jumped back in surprise. He started eating again with borderline ferocity.

"Well, why don't you just growl next time, that'll get your point across better…" Angie muttered under her breath, walking over to the trash can and away from the table.

Derek finished off the last of his lunch, looking back up at his best friend. "Your wife has a good point, dude… why are you so jumpy about this stuff? You see some pretty gross stuff daily and I don't see you freaking out about it."

He smiled mischievously, watching Tyler's expression bleed into slight fear, knowing what was coming.

"_Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it…"_ was the phrase Tyler kept repeating to himself internally, hoping Derek wouldn't go there.

"…Except that one time, in med school." Derek started, beginning to laugh as he reminisced.

"I hate you." Tyler replied, crossing his arms and slumping down in his seat.

"Oh, you do not." Derek replied with a smile.

"Yes, yes I do."

"What the heck are you both arguing about?" Angie asked, returning to the table with a cup of freshly made tea. "Tyler, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I don't want to talk about this!"

Derek smiled, leaning back in his seat. "Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

"I honestly would like neither. I don't want to participate in either of those scenarios." Tyler replied.

"Sure, I'd love to tell them! Great idea!" Derek exclaimed with a bright smile while both the men's wives laughed.

"So, one day during med school, we had the great privilege of learning Tyler's biggest medical weakness during morning rounds in the MICU…" Derek started, Tyler groaning as he dropped his forehead on the table with a loud bang.

Derek continued, unfazed. "There was a patient with a trach, and while we were talking through things at the bedside, the nurse came in with some suctioning equipment because he was producing a lot of…"

"Don't say the word!" Tyler said, lifting his head up before Derek could finish, the brunette smiling at his still-present fear of even the word associated with the experience.

Derek blinked once with a smile. "Okay. Secretions, we'll call it."

Tyler shuddered. "Not much better, but whatever…"

Angie looked over at Tyler incredulously. "You're a doctor and you can't say the word 'phl…'"

"DON'T. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T." he exclaimed, waving his hands quickly before reaching them up to cover his ears and shake his head back and forth.

"Wow." Leslie said with a smile, taking a sip of her water.

"So, the nurse comes in, right?" Derek continues, starting to laugh so hard that it was making the story impossible to finish. "A-And, Tyler, is standing at the edge of the bed just… just, w-white as a ghost. But when she starts to suction, s-she asked the patient to c-cough… and, and when she did…"

Derek trailed off, laughing so hard his face was now beet red, trying to catch his breath long enough to finish the story as the girls waited impatiently.

"Derek, hold it together! What happened?!" Angie exclaimed, she and Leslie started to giggle along with Derek even though they had no idea what he was going to say yet.

The brunette plucked his glasses from his face, wiping away accumulating tears with his sleeve as he tried to continue, but couldn't manage.

"The patient coughed their nasty-ass trach juice up and it flew across the room, landed on my tie, and I leaned over and puked all over the patient's bed! There, are you all happy now?!" Tyler exclaimed, practically yelling the ending to the story at them before he got up and stormed away from the table, not bothering to stay and be made fun of any longer.

Now Angie and Leslie joined Derek in an uproar of laughter, the latter mentioned surgeon now with his head on the table, banging his fist against it as he cracked up.

Awhile later the laughter died down, Derek now calm enough to be able to talk, still with giggles in between his words.

"It was so funny, you guys… everyone was so horrified, but myself and another friend of ours were just dying in the corner trying to hold it together. He didn't even stay to help the poor nurse clean up – he just bolted his shit out of there and we didn't see him again for a half hour!"

Derek smiled, standing up. "It's grossed him out to this day. You seriously can't even say the word phlegm without him gagging. It's still so funny to me!"

"Thanks for always teaching me new things about my husband!" Leslie exclaimed, smiling as she stood with Derek, followed shortly by Angie. They all walked toward the door and back to work, Leslie apologizing to her husband when she found him sulking in their office.

"Let's just, not talk about it again for a long time, if ever, please." He replied, head buried into her shoulder.

"Of course, honey." Leslie replied. "You won't hear a word of it from me again."

Unfortunately for Tyler, she wasn't the one he had to worry about.

-o-

"Alright, what ridiculous music will you be requesting today, Dr. Chase?"

Angie stood ready by the OR's computer, ready to type whatever awful choice Tyler made into Pandora to find them something to listen to during their upcoming operation.

"Final Countdown… wait, no! The Macarena!"

Angie rolled her eyes, typing "OneRepublic" into the search bar instead of listening to him.

"Thanks again for helping me out today, Angie." Tyler said, finishing scrubbing his hands in the sink. He began to get dressed for surgery, Angie helping him, as was standard practice.

"As long as we don't have a repeat of the last time, you're welcome." she replied, tying the strings to his gown around his neck. "I'm just sorry you have a sick baby at home."

"Yeah, me too." Tyler said, thinking sadly of hearing his toddler cough and cry the previous night. "But, I talked to Leslie just before this – she said she looks a lot better today, and…"

Tyler paused, hearing calm music spilling through the OR speakers, finally catching onto what Angie was up to.

"Hey, what the hell is this?" he asked, spinning around in a circle as Angie held the waist tie to his gown, handing it to him after it had been wrapped around him.

"OneRepublic radio. I figured since I was helping you out, you'd be nice enough to listen to something normal for a change?"

Tyler, now with a mask on, just blinked at her, his eyes the only visible part of him at this point.

"Angie, this is sleeping music. Do you want me to fall asleep in here?"

"Hmm, I don't know." She replied, pulling her own gown on, assisted by the technician. "Do you want to fling more gel in my eye during another drum solo?"

Tyler scowled from behind his mask. "You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Not if you never learn your lesson!" she quipped, smile disappearing as she covered it with a mask.

"It's my PROCESS!" he retaliated, both of them now standing in the middle of the empty OR, waiting for their patient to arrive.

"Whatever. You're being overruled today." She said, looking over at the tech next to the computer. "Will you call the desk and tell them we're ready?" she asked, the woman picking up the phone and completing Angie's request.

"No!" he replied with uncharacteristic force. "I'm the surgeon, this is MY OR, and I make the call on this. Final Countdown!"

Angie whirled back around to see Tyler, an incredulous expression on her masked face. "Whoa, there."

"I'm sorry. I'm cranky, I had no sleep, but I'm not going to let you come in here and try to dictate things to me. Do that to your husband, okay?"

Angie, now getting frustrated, remained quiet as a million terrible things to say to him ran through her mind.

Tyler was now transferring his weight from leg to leg, moving around and trying to keep busy as he waited for the patient to arrive. Final Countdown began spilling through the speakers, the blonde nurse now immensely more upset as she heard it, the profanities in her head only growing more intense.

And then, the perfect thing to say finally came to her, bringing a slight smirk to her face.

"You know, Tyler, you're right. I'm sorry – it is your space, we should do things your way."

Tyler glanced back at her. "Thanks, Angie. I'm sorry for being short – it's been a hard couple of nights."

"That's okay, I understand." She replied sweetly.

The OR came to a silence, everyone still dressed and ready, waiting for the patient to arrive.

"You know, I was just thinking of a funny story," Angie started, getting Tyler's attention as he continued to move around aimlessly. "…maybe it would be good to pass the time!"

"Sure, why not." Tyler replied, only half-interested.

"One day a long time ago when I was on orientation to my first job, I had a patient I was caring for. Really sick guy – was all contracted, unresponsive, trached, you know, the whole deal."

Angie was glad in that moment Tyler couldn't see her face fully, a shit-eating grin now on it.

"Yep." Was Tyler's reply, now paying attention to her a little better, but still dancing to the beat of Final Countdown.

"Well, one day – I'm not kidding you here – we were in the room with him, and he's hacking like crazy. Sats are dropping, phlegm is just pouring out of his trach everywhere…"

And almost on cue to the word, Angie noticed Tyler's body lurch in a weird way, his top half nearly doubling over. He was gagging – just as Derek said he would.

"Angie, don't you dare." Tyler said sternly as he caught on, still clasping his hands in front of him as not to break sterility. "I have no way to not hear this!"

"Oh, you're fine." she replied. "Can we please listen to something else?"

Tyler whipped his head back to look at her, serious look in his eyes. "No, we cannot. And don't you try to use that as leverage! It won't work!"

"Okay." She replied with a shrug, quieting down for a moment before restarting. "So, anyway, phlegm is just covering this patient's neck and chest now, and we go to suction, but before we can…"

"PLEEEEASE NO! NO NO NO NO." he yelled after gagging again, trying to drown her out, the whole OR staff now looking at him quizzically.

"Okay, alright, calm down." Angie said, waiting a moment until the surgeon shut himself up.

A lull came over the OR again, Final Countdown now nearing completion and ready to repeat.

And just as he wasn't expecting it…

"…the guy coughed so hard a piece of his phlegm flew into my preceptor's mouth." she whispered.

Angie watched with a giggle as Tyler's body heaved again, this time, the expression on her face bleeding to horror. She was silenced as she watched Tyler's mask puff up in the front, chunks of vomit now spilling from the sides of it, onto his face, and then the OR floor. He looked back up at her with near-hatred, slowly reaching his glove up to pull the mask off, revealing that he had in fact, vomited on himself after hearing her story.

Angie was stunned.

"Oh my God, Tyler. I'm so sorry."

The words slipped from Angie's mouth quietly before she began to chortle, trying her best to hold it back as she knew it wouldn't help the situation in the least.

"They weren't kidding when they said I'd puke, ANGELA!" he yelled, tearing off all his surgical garb to go clean himself up.

"Can you call the desk and tell them we need a few minutes? Also tell them we need housekeeping, stat." Angie said to the tech.

"TURN UP THE VOLUME ON FINAL COUNTDOWN AS LOUD AS IT WILL GO, PLEASE!" Tyler yelled as he walked back angrily to the sinks, the tech shooting a defeated look at Angie as she complied with his request.

"I WAS GOING TO BE CALM AND NICE TO YOU TODAY, BUT SINCE YOU ASKED FOR IT…" Tyler yelled back to Angie as he re-scrubbed, singing the melody to the awful song while it blasted through the room.

Angie sighed for a moment as the housekeeping staff walked through the door and began to clean, but then she smiled to herself.

Though it would mean a long few hours for her, it was still worth it.

* * *

**Angie Thompson/Tyler Chase - Mask**

Well, I hope that didn't suck too bad. Like I said, I'm rusty.

Just FYI, those are both true stories from nursing school. Neither involved myself, except I try to avoid patients with excessive phlegm like the plague because it grosses me the hell out.


End file.
